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My Cousin broke up with me because we know we can't be together!!

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Hi all, I'm hoping someone can give me some advice here.

My first cousin recently broke up with me. I'm 20 and he's 23. We had not seen each other for a few years and when we did again at a family event, he pursued a relationship with me. Even though we knew it was wrong and that it would inevitably end (there was no way our family would accept us), we still stayed together because we really did fall for each other. He was my best friend. He was my boyfriend ever since I moved out of my home to start university, so he was my source of company and happiness whenever he came over to visit. We lived in two different cities so we were long-distance.

We were together for 15 months and we had to hide our relationship from the family.

We always had arguments where we'd break up, but then we would make up again and everything would be okay. But last week, we had a massive row over Skype because I was snooping through his emails and I saw him emailing a girl. The messages were pretty harmless but I was still upset he was doing this. Once I told him, he said I was a psychopathic stalker and was fuming at the fact I looked through his emails (even though I've done this before and I know all his passwords).  I kept on asking him why he messaged another woman and he had no explanation, but he said that we were done and he signed off Skype.

A day later when we both calmed down, I texted him asking whether he was still angry. He said no, but that we were still over. He said that he was sorry for hurting me, that he regretted doing what he did and that I deserved more than him. We always knew our relationship would end, but this time he used this argument as the final straw and that we should finally let go of each other. I told him that I forgave him for what he did and I just wanted to go back to how it was - I genuinely loved him and I was willing to give things another go, but this time, he didn't feel the same because he thought it was for the best to end things.

He said our relationship was futile, and even though he misses our relationship, he said it was the best thing to do because it had to end some day. He said he didn't want to ruin my life and that I mean too much for him to hurt me again. Although all of this was true, I still cannot accept the relationship was over. I miss our relationship so much, I miss him so much. What makes it worse was that we were completely fine just a day before it and our break up was over text - it was hard for us to meet as we lived so far apart. As I am still in University I feel so alone without him on the phone all the time, I've lost my appetite and I have trouble sleeping because of what I've lost in my life. He said he promised he will be there for me, to help with uni work etc. but only as a friend. :(

Now, we just text each other general conversation, as if we never happened. I miss him so much and I don't know whether I can keep him as a friend because I'm still hoping we can be together again even though he made it clear nothing I say would change his mind. I don't know how to move on :(

What I need to know is how I can cope without him, and what he is thinking throughout all this. I'm not sure whether he's over the relationship or whether he's finally letting it go for my good, even though he still wants to be with me. HELP!

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Hi! Just take a deep breath everything will work out the way it's supposed to be!

The best thing you can do now is to just continue working on your own life and future until/if he comes back around  :smiley: what I did until I found love was I envisioned the kind of partner I would be with npand how my life would be then I would plan out briefly how I would achieve this.

I think that you need to go out and have some fun. You never know you could just meet someone.

I know it's hard but you've pretty much done everything in your power to try and win him over at this point you should cut communication with him for a bit of time. Maybe he might miss you.

Best of luck and do update to let usknow what happens!

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  • 1 month later...
Guest Cathy

You dated only for 15months. Forget about him. You can move on.

It is not too late to move on. You are still in collage and young!

I am in mid thirties, I had similar relationship with yours for almost 10years but ended up as he changed his mind.

We kept our relationship secret but after break-up our family found out about our relationship.

Since both of us became open about our past-relationship after the break up. Our family broke up as well.

Now I have no contacts with most of the family members. (Some of them I cut the contacts, some cut the contacts with me voluntarily to be my ex's side). Don't be like me. Break up with bf is heartbreaking event but break up with bf plus family is life threatening event. It has been a few years for me since the break up but being sad for always has been killing me every day and night

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  • 3 years later...
Guest Confused

I had a close relationship with a cousin sister. We wrote letters to each other. After she got married, she stopped writing letters. I went to India and discovered she was no longer at her dad's house. She called up and when I tried to speak to her, she put the phone down. Later, I stated that I was expecting a letter from and got none. The next time I visited her dad's house, her mom told me that she was very interested in seeing me and looking to take days of for me.. I did not believe it and vented my frustration to another cousin for not hearing from her four years. I would ask for her new address from her mom because I wanted to have nothing more to with her. Later, my dad sued the father over a land dispute. I do not know if I could see her there or obtain a new address.In the beginning, she lived in a neighboring state, but my parents would not allow me go there. Recently, I saw the movie "Lion" about an adopted boy in Australia who was reunited with his mom 25 years later. It made me realize that I had not seen my cousin sister for 25 years and it gave me headaches. In retrospect, this was not a romantic relationship at all. I do not know why it has to be this way.

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