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I want to talk with people that can understand

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Hi, I just joined, though I've visited this site a few times. I have strong feelings for someone, but I want to note that he's not exactly my cousin. Let me explain. First of all, I was born much later than my siblings, I think they call it "oops baby", or whatever. So, I'm much younger than my siblings, I'm actually around the same age range as my own nieces and nephews, I know, that's pretty weird. Okay, so, here goes my confession. The person I have feelings for is the son of my half-bother (me and my half brother have the same dad but different moms). In other words my nephew. By the way, I'm 22 and he's 20, so we're both adults and there's not much age difference, so it's just a tiny little bit less weird.

I know this site is for cousins, but to me, he's pretty much like a cousin, and it's pretty much the same thing with the taboo of liking a family member, and not having freedom like you could with other relationships. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this, and I was hoping people here would understand, since it's pretty much the same thing.

My nephew and I have been around each other a lot our entire lives, especially as younger kids, and he is in fact my best friend. We've never been flirty or anything, we just hang out and goof off like normal friends. I can't really say for sure if he's ever had feelings for me. Either way, we were taught that liking anyone in your family is wrong, and I'm not comfortable with admitting my feelings, and I'm pretty sure he would be uncomfortable to admit if he did happen to have feelings, too. I've never told him about my feelings, and I've never told anyone else either.

It's very hard for me to say exactly when these feelings started. Looking back on it now, I think even around 10-13, I had a sort of childish crush on him. I think throughout my teens, the possibility that I could like him popped into my head a few times, but I'd immediately think "nah, that's nonsense, impossible". I think I was in denial. I think I probably always liked him a little bit. The past 3 or 4 years, the idea came to me more often, even though I still kept talking myself into believing it wasn't true. So finally, almost a year ago, I took the time to really think it over. And I went through all of the excuses I could think of that could explain that I didn't really love him. But none of the excuses were true. It's not just because I'm lonely, or because I think no one else would take me, or that I'm settling for him, or that I just like him as a friend, or I'm just jealous of other people with him, or that it's just because he's closer to me than other people. I can't think of any excuses. I really love him. I love pretty much everything about him. I love him a lot.

So, I've been pretty sure of my feelings for about a year now. Like I said I haven't told him yet. I don't really have any plans as to what kind of relationship I'd want to have if he did happen to accept my feelings. I don't really have any plans as to where to start, either. I would like to at least tell him about the way I feel at some point.

I'm not sure if I'm exactly asking for advice, but I want to get it out there and talk about this.

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I understand where you're coming from... however, it's a different story when it comes to nephews. :( I will be blunt right off the bat -- it's different. Romance between cousins are of cousins while nephews are entirely of a different spectrum. In your case, although your ages are quite close (you are only 2 years older), "technically" speaking, he is still your nephew. Your closeness might be because of your age and so on but I would advice you to cool it off slowly for him. Posting this message is hard for me...I can even say it's even harder with you especially now that you have feelings for him.

The best that I can see with the both of you are to be the best of friends.

Now having said that though, since you guys are close and can talk pretty much about anything, I'm quite sure that he would tell you if he has feelings for you or what. You can wait comfortably. He is the man so he should know what to do. ;)

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I know, this is like a whole different level of weird. It's difficult, these aren't feelings I can just turn off. It's not like a crush, this is like real love. My feelings are still going strong even after keeping it to myself so long. I know this is strange in a different way than being with your cousin. One thing is, I know I would definitely NOT want to have kids with him, I know that would be really messed up, and not at all like cousins having kids.

Even with this, I thought about everything, and I still can't deny that I have feelings for him, and I wonder about it. I can't really say if he would admit if he had feelings, he's not so comfortable with talking about feelings in general. For now I'm just not doing anything. If he doesn't bring it up at some point himself though, I'd like to at least talk to him about it.

I know this is really weird, but I can't help thinking, if he had the same feelings for me, and we were both in love, and we're not doing anything really bad, would it really be such a horrible thing?

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