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yungmumma

can this cost me my kids?

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okay. im currently separated, getting a divorce, and about to endure an interprovincial custody battle. my ex and father of my daughter lives in southern ontario and i live (with the kids) in manitoba. a couple of months ago, my cousin had revealed his feelings for me, and it was as if he was speaking from my own heart! now, my ex had taken off back to ontario when i left him. left due to emotional, mental, financial and sexual abuse towards me and emotional abuse towards our daughter. i left him just a couple of days after my son was born (not his, conceived while we were separated) and he decided to move far away. i would love to think that the fact of him abandoning her would be enough to award me custody, on top of so many other (unprovable) reasons, but i know that the system isnt so nice. something family members have pointed out to me is that the courts may find me mentally unfit to parent my children in this process simply because what im doing is considered incest. doesnt sound quite right to me, but the idea scares me. i dont want to lose my babies just because of who im in love with and want to spend my life with. we have been in love with each other for over 20 years. so i guess my question is can my babies be taken from me for this?

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I have no idea of the Canadian laws.  There is a link on this site that gives an overview of various state, country and provincial laws, you may want to check it out.  Realize that this is no substitute for legal advice, it's merely a place to start.  A lawyer would be better able to advise you of the legal ramifications. 

That being said, please do not proceed any further with another relationship until your divorce is finalized and you and your children have had some time to adjust to your new lives.  The fact that you have had a baby with another man while still married to your husband is not going to make you look very good to a judge as it is.  Even if you were separated, you were still married.  Separation should be used to try and reconcile a marriage, not to get involved with other people and thus confuse the issue.

You are not making wise choices for your children and that alone can be ammunition against you in divorce proceedings.  If you want to maintain custody of your kids, start doing the right thing for them TODAY.

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cousin marriage is legal in canada. so the whole 'incest' issue is both inaccurate and is not admissible in court. being unfaithful might, though. and if your children are ever made aware of your sex life (regardless of who it is, meaning if you have anyone 'sleep over', etc,) then that could be used against you.

now granted, i'm not a lawyer, and i don't live in canada. so my advice is not legal advice, and some people here feel that it is necessary to post that disclaimer any time we say anything that includes the word "law" in it. but i think you're smart enough to know that i'm just a stranger and my opinion and my understanding if canadian law is not going to be the one representing you in court. you need to talk to your attorney about this. if for no other reason, he needs to be aware of the situation so he can prepare to squash it in court in the unlikely event that it does get brought up.

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