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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest TripleL

My third cousin

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So, I am 16, and my third cousin is also 16... We rarely saw each other as kids and this summer as I went home to visit, things happened. Our of no where him and I started talking. We got really close and then he kissed me. We have now been dating for eight months. :). His parents found out and they think they have broke us up, but they haven't. We plan on getting married like a month after we both turn 18. Should we be worried about our family? I know I love him and I know he loves me. As of right now we are having a long distant relationship because I had to come back to my residence, but I'm moving back up by him in three months. I was worried of our relationship at first because of how God would look at it, an I never thought that I would end up with my cousin, I didn't find it right, but to me, it seems like God is the one who put us together. Could I be right? I just want honest thoughts and opinions, please. :) much love. <3

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TripleL,

First off, God doesn't disapprove of first cousins, and actually insisted on it on several occasions. Third cousins are WAY far down the line enough, so stop stressing over that part of it. Now, as to your parents. Should you be worried about them? Sure. You still live under their roofs, and so long as you do, they make the rules. Sux, but get use to it. The advice I'll give you is what I call my standard donation to the party. Keep in touch, and encourage each other in your schoolwork. If your grades are good, keep them up. If they aren't, GET them up. Keep your noses in the books, get an education first. Part of that education might as well be to study up on the main page of the site here. Get the facts. I know you will be impatient to get on with it, but I would also encourage the two of you to get some college or vocational training under your belts as well. Slowly build the relationship as you get smart. Put the actual "going for it" off until you are out on your own, or working, and able to get out on your own. Know this, it is very difficult for adults to hide such a relationship, it is nearly impossible for teens to do it. They may be trying to keep the two of you apart over the "cousin" factor, or the age factor, or a combination of both. Their only legitimate argument at this point is the age factor, they just don't know it yet. You need to be at the very least 18, and I would urge to to make it 20 or older before you wade off in the drama. Right now, they can make it extremely uncomfortable for the two of you. Maybe even to the point that they would cause one or both of you to surrender before you can even give it a chance. If you have worked hard, got good grades, kept your noses clean, and made you best effort at this, they will be in a much weaker position to make an even weaker (invalid) argument. You will be able to own the whole situation, and if they still insist on nonsense, then leave, and go have a happy, drama free life. You have to have yourselves in a position to be able to do that though. If you are still 25 and living at home, you are still going to be in the same boat. Do what we call around here "putting it on the back burner." That doesn't mean turn the heat off and let it go cold, it means turn the heat WAY down, and let it simmer, and come together, like delicious soup. The two of you get on the same page with the things I've said here, and in due time, you will have a firm foundation to build a long and happy life. If you are going to be closer soon, it is even more important to keep this on the down low. Take a deep breath, clear the fog, and take your steps slowly. If you do, you should be able to do this in it's own good time.

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I agree with everything Hawk has told you! He's wise, listen to him.

The question upper most in my mind is, and this is not to belittle you, how did you

determine that you are 3rd cousins? The reason that I ask is that many that come here

are a little fuzzy on how to determine the degree of cousin-ness. If you have used

the kinship chart available on this site you may very well be 100% correct. I was

just curious.

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Hawk, thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it. We are both doing our best in school and are continuing to do well. Education is the best and that's why we put school first and always will. We probably will hold off until we're 20 for marriage, but I'm moving out of my parents place this year so that won't be a problem. I REALLY appreciate all that advice, and I'm going to go by it.

Romalee, my mother told me he's my third cousin. He is my dads cousins son. She said my dads first cousin in my second, so that would make her kid my third. I'm just going by her words. Haha

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If he's your dad's cousin's son, that would make him your second cousin.

Your dad's first cousin is actually your first cousin once removed.

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Which ever cousin he is, I don't care which one he is, I love him so it doesn't matter to me :)

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Triplet,

cousinsinlove7 is correct he is your second cousin.

And you are right, it doesn't matter which cousin he is.

but it is nice to know "exactly" where the two of you fall on the family  tree!:)

I am married to my second cousin. It is legal just about anywhere.

Best wishes.

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TripleL,

Wise Roma is wise, and quite perceptive herself. The confusion comes in with the "once removed" part not being fully understood on the part on you and your parents. Your dad's first cousin, (parent of your BF) is actually your first cousin once removed, as in one generation removed in the family tree. The same applies with him toward your dad. The initial relation is between your parents, being first cousins. You, being one generation down from that, are "once removed" from that initial relation. LOL, if I were you however, I would let them go ahead and continue to think of it as third cousins, what the heck. In their book, it is weird enough already, no need to take it to another level of silly. It sounds like you have put some thought into this, so stay on track, and let it play out slowly. If you two are around each other with family, don't be overly forward, or awkward either. They can read you better than you can. They will pick up on things you don't realize they are picking up on. Just act like good friends, who genuinely enjoy each others company. At this young age, that is what you want to do anyhow. Maybe just quietly set and play some vidya or something, and leave it at innocent paling around. All eyes will be on you, so tread lightly in as mature a manner as you can. It will help built the rapport you will need in the future.

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im dating my third cousin and we are not aloud to see each other :( but he wonts to get married and i do too? idk no what to do niether?????

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I say go for it!!! If you finally found someone who cares about you as much as you care about them then why should you let anything get in the way of that. I believe in God and I believe that everything happens for a reason. You cant help who your attracted to. As for your parents... they might not like the idea of you guys being together because they just dont know what it feels like to fall in love with someone that you know your not supposed to fall in love with, but we cant help it. I too am in the same situation as you and I am very much in love with my cousin and we want to be together. Once you both turn 18 you can find somewhere to live together and your parents can't stop you because you guys are already legal adults. The point is life is short so you should hold on to the things that make you happy. Hopefully your parents will accept you guys one day.

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i am inlove with my 3rd cousin im a guy. but really i want to prove to her that i really love her. but some of her family knows i like her but to her i dont know i really want her to feel what i feel and for her to show the same im really lost. but for the recent comments here. im really confused :\

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I am dating my 3rd cousin and my family is fine with it. And his is to. But what they dont know is I am pregnant with his child. But we love eachother very much and i am happy to have a child with him.

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You need to start your own thread - look at the dates of these other postings.

Nat

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I'm dating my third cousins also. I get a lot of crap  out of it. But people also came to realize that I don't care what they say so they just stop talking about it. I don't care what people think about me. They can do or say whatever they want. They are not going to ruin my  relationship. Because I love him so much. So go on with your life. Be happy. That's all that matters :)

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Ok so I have a friend who asked me for help. She wants to know if it's ok to date third cousins. The guy is her dads cousin, cousins son.

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there's nothing wrong with third cousins dating or marrying. it's legal in every country in the world.

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I have a sister who is going out with our 3rd cousin... We heard one of my teachers say it would be better for you too be 4th cousins.. Because you are down the line more... Does it really matter?

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your teacher is simply ignorant about this particular subject. genetically speaking there is no significant difference between SECOND cousins and unrelated couples. (to be exact, 2nd cousins share 1/32 of their dna in common, whereas unrelated people share 1/33 of their dna in common.) furthermore, 2nd cousins can marry anywhere, legally. so the only place where it would be better for couples to be 4th cousins is in the narrow minds of misinformed people.

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