• Announcements

    • KC

      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

      Be informed on better ways to stay safe on the web -- Source: Mozilla
Guest Brandon

I love my first cousin, my family is breaking apart.

This topic has had no activity within the past six months. It is recommended that you start a new topic instead of replying to old topics.

5 posts in this topic

]Hello my name is Brandon, and I just want to say that I am in love with my first cousin. She had come to Ecuador with My Grandmothers sister to try and live here in America. When I first saw her, It was like love at first sight, and i could see she felt the same way. She does not speak the same language as me, she speaks spanish and i speak little spanish, but still my love prevailed on afterward. She is also 23 and i am 16.  After a couple of weeks we truely knew that we both liked each other, and we were okay with it. My family was starting to notice something weird about me. Naturaly i am a very solitude type of guy. So i turn down alot of family parties and dont usualy go out. But with denise, I felt like going around the world with her.  No girl has made me more out going then her. I went to parties with her, i went to lunches and diners, I even went to

family parties and got to go to las vegas with her. Thats when i knew she was the one. I know how it can be confusing how i comunicate with her or how it works, all i can say is that i love her very much, and thats what

makes this whole relationship with me and her work. My grandmother is the one that was noticing our love for each other, and thats when things started escalating. On her last day her me and her were alone in the

room with the door locked and we were getting very itimate. That is when my aunt came to the door and starting to yell why this door was unlocked. Denise opened the door and told her it was locked because the kids

at the house  were annoying us, which really was the reason. Once i walked out the house my aunt told me she would not tell me dad, but secretly she told her sister and my grandmother. So this is when the whole

family got in a fight. M grandmother came into Denises house telling her she has a problem with her, thats when her mother came in, which by the way my grandmother and denises mom are both sisters, started to

threaten each other. all the family was their except my dad, so the whole family started to pick sides and started yelling at everyone. This how her last day in amerca was like. 3 months have passed and she is coming

back. What should i do in this situation. Right now i am trying to explain to my dad why cousin marriage is not wrong. I researched alot but i want to be able to stand my ground when he asks questions. I usually quote

leveticus and what it says in the bible. I just want to stand my ground with him, and i want some good facts to bring up to him. I am scared for my love. I want people to understand my view of her. the only thing thats

stopping me from being with her is age. I talked to my dad and we have openly discussed this cousin marriage problem for me. I need your guys help. He thinks it is wrong, but i know in my heart what i am doing is right

and true. I lover her, and i need her. I wish only the best for her.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello, Brandon, and welcome to the site.

I'm not sure about the situation in Ecuador, but in most places 16 is considered an age of "minority", meaning that you are still under your parents' roof and under their rules.  It also means that you usually can't sign contracts or do any important thing without their permission.  That's no small thing because it means that your parents have the power to tell you what to do and what not to do.

You're right to explain the facts.  Most people, including our parents and others, tend not to know all of the facts about cousin marriage in terms of the legal, religious, and medical implications.  Why would they?  Unless it happens in their lifetime, all we can expect anyone to know is what they're exposed to and most people are exposed to the lies that it's unhealthy, illegal, and morally forbidden.  Good job on knowing and attempting to teach some of the facts.  Just remember that it can only be done under calm discussion.  When a person is arguing, the facts just get in the way.  The old saying goes, "a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still".

In my view, 16 is a bit young to be looking at marriage and the seven year age difference at your age is absolutely huge.  That doesn't necessarily mean that all is bad, though.  You have time... a lot of time.  If you and Denise are really something for the long run (you talked about marriage), you just need to calm down, let things settle, and stay in contact with Denise on a much more non-intimate level.  Actually, I'd recommend ANYONE to enter into any relationship with a long, slow friendship first.  The only real difference is that the dynamic of romance is on the table for a later date.  This means good, old-fashioned courtship (versus dating where romance is the starting point and friendship is an afterthought based on "sexual compatibility", whatever that means).

I hope this helps - just calm down, let things settle, and re-engage when things are less "threatening".

Best wishes,

CM

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you so much for the feedback. Right now i am not looking at marrying her of anyway. I am to young to make any real decisions here. and we are not contacting each other so everything settles. She has just come back from Ecuador right now. she lives a couple blocks from me now cause of the incident. I am glad that I am able to openly talk to my dad about this situation. I would not have the balls to do it if i had not of crossed this sight. thx again for the feedback, i have no one to talk to about this, and i feel good that theirs people i can talk to on here

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I completely agree with ColoradoMarried.  If you want to be together, let some time pass till you're both legal adults (maybe even longer) and then do what you have to do to be together.  My cousin and I were many years apart in age as well, so I know the added difficulty with that. 

It's been a couple months- I hope things have improved for you.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Brandon

People are upset because you are still a teenager and your cousin is a young woman.  If the roles were reversed (you were 23 and she was 16), we would expect others to be up in arms, but because you are a boy (yes, I said boy and not man), somehow we think we should treat this with less concern.  I know you think you're in love, and maybe you are, but the fact is that your cousin is acting irresponsible with you.  She is an adult and should be acting like one. 

Now, perhaps your family is more upset about the cousin factor than they are about the age factor.  If so, shame on them.  However, until you and your cousin start behaving with maturity, no one is going to listen to your biblical or moral discourses.  Your family will turn a deaf ear to logic until you two start behaving better.

For now, you need to take a step back, focus on your school work and decide where you will go to university or what kind of career training you will receive once you are finished with high school.  Be a friend to your cousin, but do not go behind locked doors with her.  Take some time to get to know her.  Learn her language so you can communicate together. You never know what the future may hold!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your content will need to be approved by a moderator

Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   You have pasted content with formatting.   Remove formatting

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor