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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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J in MI

Thinking of talking to my cousin about how I feel today.

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So I posted back in December about my feelings then about my cousin. After posting, it seemed best to keep my feelings to myself and just carry on being her friend and being there to listen, etc. I'm extremely attracted to her physically, she has a great sense of humor and personality and we get along great, its easy to talk to her about nearly anything. She comes to me for advice and I give it to her, etc. And she talks to me about sex quite abit, and I rarely if ever bring it up in our conversations, but nearly everyday we have some sort of chat about it. She is my first cousin (her mother and my mother are sisters) and 28, I am 23 and attending law school in the fall, so I'm staying at my parents house in the meantime. My cousin is also staying at my parents house a couple days each week while she looks for a new place to stay. So we have been getting much closer over the last couple of months and my feelings haven't dissipated much (not that I expected them to), and I really would like to talk to her about how I feel and try to just explain everything to her. I'm really at a loss of how I should go about doing this though. Any advice or guidance you have for me is greatly appreciated. And if this post sounds like a jumble of words, feel free to ask me for more info or to clarify further. Thanks

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Good Luck to u bro...if she doesnt feel the same way, make sure u retain the friendship bond u guys have

I confessed to my cousin recently but it didnt go that well....but she said we can still be friends so knowing that can be a comforting

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Thanks for the support. I decided not to say anything about it the other day, as it didn't seem like it was the right moment. We are hanging out tomorrow night. Do you have any advice on a good way to bring it up, etc?

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J - It seems like maybe you need more time to get your own feeling under control.  If anything enjoy the time together with her and just see it anything comes of that naturally.  Once you are comfortable with your feelings maybe it will be easier for you to share with her.  Either way, I think you are forgetting that most lasting relationships have one thing in common - you should be friends, and you should be able to communicate with one another.  Maybe slow it down and take your time.

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Something like in conversation doing the old "wow if you weren't my cousin I'd have asked you out ages ago", or bringing up how well you two get along and seeing what her reaction is if you want to test it out. Or doing something with her like going to the movies and then a romantic spot, like a scenic view or restaurant and see what she thinks of it all, if you want to gauge her reaction to the atmosphere. Maybe things like that are an option to slightly step up what you two do together. I don't know if you two are that close but if you are walking somewhere or you want to show her something you could take her hand casually, and try things like that to see how she reacts. Not sure if that helps. You could be more direct and mention hearing about cousins being together or show a movie with a cousin couple in it but that might be too obvious and risky in your situation, I don't know.

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Only one way to know how she feels...That's to put yourself out there.  You know her well enough to communicate with her.

I'm always a fan of the direct-unrehearsed feelings and is why my love and I communicate so well.  We know how the other works. It's honest, it's raw, it's no holds barred. 

My point is you understand her, and you know how to reach her.  I wish you luck!

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Assuming your cousin doesn't have a boyfriend, then I agree with Closetomydream. Keep it clear and simple, that way there's no misunderstandings or inferences.

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So last weekend we went to the bar and met up with two friends of mine. We had a good time, got some food after then went back to our house and watched a movie for a bit. She was really tired and we were both a little buzzed. Before she went to bed, I asked her what she thought of me, like if I wasn't her cousin. She responded, "I think you're very handsome, but I'm not sure what you mean." I froze after that and didn't know what to say, and just played it off. Then she just passed out in my bed and I went to sleep on the couch. The next morning we chatted and I figured she would bring it up, but she was just talked to me as she normally does. Did I blow a good chance to tell her, or did I plant any seeds in her mind?

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