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Is There Any Second Cousins Out There?

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  • Moderator

My hubby and I are second cousins. Married almost 10 years (April 28th).

I am attaching a post I made several years ago as I don't have time right now to

rewrite all of it. Hope it gives you some answers.  We were 13 and 15 when we first


"We didn't live in the same city, but did live in the same state. We knew from the time that we

met that there was something special there but couldn't define it.

At 18 he joined the military and I was still in high school doing the things

that high school  girls do. He tells me that he asked me to marry him when I was

17 and that I told him no. I don't remembe that. I am sure I told him no due to

I was still in school and wasn't interested in a serious relationship with ANY one,

cousin or not.

We both married others,(more than once), raised families and kept up with each other through

our parents, my mom and his dad are first cousins. My first husband and I and he and his wife

were stationed (US military)  not too far from each other and got together a couple of times, but nothing

out of line ever happened or came up.

Then in 2003 I was at his parents house and he came by. We were both single and things

took off from there. We have now been married 6 years.

We actually got together 38 years from when we first met. Well maybe not the exacte date. :biggrin:

We talked alot and decided that it just wouldn't have worked for us to have been together

earlier. There is a reason that neither of us understand, but all is good now.

And as they say the rest is history.

This is why I so often tell the younger visitors here to not rush anything, become friends first, there is plenty of

time to see if there is indeed what it takes to be in a lasting  relationship. "

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Thanks for your respond Romalee, our stories are quite similar at first, my cuz-luv and I first felt the spark when we were in high school. The difference is that I think were rushing things here.. unconsciously. I'm still 21 and he's 22 but everything is flowing on a serious phase and it's as if the revelation day is coming closer. Thank you though for sharing your story and I will keep this in mind: "

not rush anything, become friends first, there is plenty of

time to see if there is indeed what it takes to be in a lasting  relationship

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  • Administrator

me and mine are first cousins once removed... (his grandmother and my mom were sisters, so my husband is the son of my first cousin.) it's that half step between first and second cousins. i'd share more of our history but i just got back from a funeral and i'm just wiped out.

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  • Administrator

i know, it's a confusing concept to most of us! the distance, in order of degree...

first cousins

first cousins once removed

second cousins

of course there are more, but we won't make it any more confusing. but it gets easier when you diagram the family tree on paper (or at least the branches with you and your cousin. for me, it looks like this (looks better on paper.... doesn't layout right on the message board!)

mary .....(sisters)....bessie

me ....... (first cousins).... glenn

      ......  (2nd cousins)...... mark

so i am first cousins with glenn. but mark is "one generation removed" from my first cousin. i can't make a diagonal line on the forum, but every relationship on a diagonal is removed.

you'll see i didn't put a name below my name. i could though... i could put my daughters there. biologically, they really are mark's second cousins (they are on a horizontal line, so there is no "removed"). the reason i did NOT put them there, however, is because the degrees of kinship is ALWAYS listed as whatever relationship is closer... and so their official degree of kinship is step-parent/step-children rather than 2nd cousins.

did that help any at all? try laying your relationship with your second cousin out like that. it'll be interesting to see if 'second cousins' is actually the correct relationship. aside from people here who have learned to navigate the kinship charts, i've never known anyone who correctly identified their relationship if it was more distant than first cousin. LOL, i'm nearly 50, and just two months ago, one of my other first cousins once removed insisted that i was his second cousin! i had to explain to him that no, his 5 year old little boy was my second cousin!

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:grin: Yeah, its kinda confusing but its clear to me now, thanks for explaining LadyC and don't worry, the chart that you made is a big help.

Well, our kinship is like this:

My grandmother & his grandmother = SISTERS

My father & his father = FIRST COUSINS


Is that correct?

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Thanks LadyC!  :azn:

MissyXmushroom, is it okay if I ask you about what happened on your "revelation day"? when you told your family about your relationship with your second cousin? did they accepted you already? I'm just asking because I'm afraid on what's going to happen to me and my cuz/bf.

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Me! My fianc? and I are first cousins once removed as his mom says, and I've always been told second cousins. We also knew each other when I was 15 and he was 25. We knew there was something "there" but didn't know what. We reconnected on fb two years ago. Both had also married and he has two kids with his first wife that are 14 and 17. It was a connection like no other from the beginning (in 2012). We found out we shared so many interests and there were synchronocities and still are as were still getting to know each other. Life took us in different directions for a year but during that year we thought of each other every waking moment. We reconnected in November and this time won't let each other slip away. We are moving in together this month and have been engaged for two months. He's the love of my life. His immediate family is less than supportive but we realize that's how it will be. My dad is indifferent to anyone dating (supportive but more beyond that like "what is the deal") as if I had mentioned I'm dating someone with brown hair, why mention brown hair (why mention cousins). I'm glad I found this site. Very interesting.

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  • 1 month later...

I'm really happy for you MissyXmushroom! Well I'm expecting my family to be furious too but my boyfriend and I are not worrying about his family because they already knows though they dont really agree with our relationship. At least they are helping us to keep our secret. I'm afraid my family and our relatives will do something against us. But I pray that we will also be accepted just like what happened to you and your soon-to-be-husband! Take care of yourself so that the baby will be healthy. :)

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Moderator

MissyXmushroom. I am sorry to hear that you lost your baby. I am sure it is/was hard on you.

Please give your body time to heal and get healthy again before you get pregnant again.

So much is depleted during a pregnancy, even one shortened for whatever reason. and you

need time to get everything back in shape to be able to carry another. I am sure your doctor

will advise you on what he/she thinks is best for you.

Best wishes.

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  • 1 month later...

Sorry if it takes 2 months for the reply. I just got busy with work and all. I feel sorry that you've lost your baby but we know that another angel will come to you. Please update me with your story, thank you for the advise, that keeps me motivated. Keep in touch! :)

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Old Timer

We are happy to announce that we are 11 weeks pregnant with a healthy little one! :) So excited!

Lovely photos, i can see that your both in love with each other  :smiley:  Congrats on your pregnancy and it must be an exciting feeling for you both.

My cousin that i'm attracted to his gf has had another baby boy about a month ago, my cousin looks hurt/upset in the photo though, i'm guessing it might be because of knowing i'm attracted to him but idk for sure. I'm thinking this because i know a lot have been hurt with cousins being attracted to them of what i've read on here.

I'm glad for them both having a baby though and you too :smiley:


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