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How to share my feelings with my cousin | Long Distance :/

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Hello everyone :) To start off, I am new to this website and have been lurking around these forums for a couple of days now and the community seems so kind, friendly and inviting  :smiley: Just like most if not all of you, I am in love with my first cousin. I am turning 19 in July and she will be 19 by the end of this year. I currently live in the U.S and she lives in Pakistan (we were both born here and are Muslim). The last time I saw her beautiful face was 6 years ago when I went to visit her. But I really started having feelings for her when I was 15. I am planning on visit next summer at the latest but Im not sure if I can suppress my feelings for that long.

The thing is, I have not told her YET that I have feelings for her. A big reason for this is the distance between us. I prefer to talk to her face-to-face about what I really think of her. Saying it over Skype, Facebook, E-Mail, or by other electronic means is not manly. She might get the feeling that I am not confident. We talk on facebook 3+ times a week and skype once or twice every two weeks. This isn't enough for me. I am always thinking about her when I go to sleep, when I wake up, when I go out, etc. I have never had a girlfriend and she has never had a boyfriend. This whole "BF-GF" concept is not encouraged in our Religion, Culture, and Families. I myself am mature and believe that teenage relationships don't usually last but this feels so different and right.

I have slightly touched on the topic of cousin marriages/relationships and what she thinks of them. She says its completely okay as long as the two love each other. I have not told 1 person that I am interested in her. However, I know my family is okay with cousin marriages and her family is too (trend in Pakistan). And besides, my Mom was talking to me the other day saying its good to get married to someone within your family/relatives (cousins). So shes alright with it which is a good thing. But I can't tell my mother yet. She will probably say I am too young to be in love.

I want to tell my cousin that I have feelings for her. But I'm very afraid of being rejected and her avoiding me after as a result. She is my closest cousin and I can tell her anything and she won't tell anyone. I can't ruin this bond. I just can't. I have gave her hints along the way. I have called her Gorgeous, she has called me handsome, I complement her, she complements me, always laughs at my jokes. She's that type of person that will not bother to talk to someone at ALL if she finds them annoying. She talks to me a lot so I know she is interested to some extent. i would still wait and give this some more time so that we can mature a bit but i fear it might be too late. Girls in Pakistan usually get married around 23 and Im pretty sure their parents look for a suitable groom while they are in their early twenties'. I can't imagine her with another man. I tend to get very jealous.

My question is, should I wait for us to mature, talk a bit more, finish our education, then share my feelings OR should I man up and let her know RIGHT NOW. If I should let her know now, how can I talk to her and tell her how much I love her so that she takes it in a positive in a manner and hopefully reciprocates the same feelings towards me. I want to see what it feels like to have her hand in mine and to feel her lips on mine. I really do miss her so much  :( 

Help would be appreciated. Feel free to email me: [email protected] for advice. Thanks in advance :)

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hello there, wow after reading this, i really don't know what the best answer would be. But this reminds me of me and my cousin (boyfriend now haha). He just told me his feelings for me, over Skype haha, and we are also very far apart; I am in california and he is in puerto rico. usually we see each other once a year, i know this is going to be very hard, but i feel like we might make it work. I think you should read through some of my posts, as i really don't know what advise to give you, since you said you wouldn't like to tell her over a computer hhaha, but if i had to tell you something, i think you should maybe wait until you see her again just to make sure what you feel is real, and then tell her :)

you're so lucky your family is with you and supports cousin marriages, something we wish we had.

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hello there, wow after reading this, i really don't know what the best answer would be. But this reminds me of me and my cousin (boyfriend now haha). He just told me his feelings for me, over Skype haha, and we are also very far apart; I am in california and he is in puerto rico. usually we see each other once a year, i know this is going to be very hard, but i feel like we might make it work. I think you should read through some of my posts, as i really don't know what advise to give you, since you said you wouldn't like to tell her over a computer hhaha, but if i had to tell you something, i think you should maybe wait until you see her again just to make sure what you feel is real, and then tell her :)

you're so lucky your family is with you and supports cousin marriages, something we wish we had.

Thanks for your reply Val :) Yeah Im very lucky that my family supports this type of thing. Congrats on being together with your cousin xD He told u over skype huh? If you don't mind me asking, how did you feel about the whole skype thing? Like would you prefer if he told you in person (if possible) or did u find it awkward talking over skype on this matter? Im thinking of just waiting until I see her but at the same time, telling her through IM would be ideal in a way so that she has time to think about it mhmmm idk.

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Haha well i am really glad he told me, it wasnt even talking on skype, we were IMing eachother  haha he said he wanted to tell me something but he felt he shouldn't.. after 5 long minutes of me begging him to tell me he said "i like being your cousin, but at the same time i don't because I would love to be something more.... i really like you.. its the way you are, how you treat me, how supportive you are, I'm very very nervous, you don't now how badly i would like to kiss you, but its not right..I'm shaking, i don't know why this happens to me, why i like you so much, why i think about you so much, why i love to talk with you so much" then i told him i felt the same way :)

he told me that he did not want to tell me this over a computer, but we wanted to do so in person, but he couldn't hold it any longer, and that he got very jealous one time when one of his friends told him he liked me..i would have liked it to be in person, but now that he told me I feel a lot better about this whole long distance relationship because everyday he sends me messages telling me how much he loves me and that we will make it through and it makes me feel stronger.. Idk I guess just find the right words to tell her how you feel :)

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Haha well i am really glad he told me, it wasnt even talking on skype, we were IMing eachother  haha he said he wanted to tell me something but he felt he shouldn't.. after 5 long minutes of me begging him to tell me he said "i like being your cousin, but at the same time i don't because I would love to be something more.... i really like you.. its the way you are, how you treat me, how supportive you are, I'm very very nervous, you don't now how badly i would like to kiss you, but its not right..I'm shaking, i don't know why this happens to me, why i like you so much, why i think about you so much, why i love to talk with you so much" then i told him i felt the same way :)

he told me that he did not want to tell me this over a computer, but we wanted to do so in person, but he couldn't hold it any longer, and that he got very jealous one time when one of his friends told him he liked me..i would have liked it to be in person, but now that he told me I feel a lot better about this whole long distance relationship because everyday he sends me messages telling me how much he loves me and that we will make it through and it makes me feel stronger.. Idk I guess just find the right words to tell her how you feel :)

I can really relate to your cousin in the way that I know EXACTLY how he feels LoL. I have all of those feelings for my cousin as well and I WANT TO TELL HER. I think about her every day ugh I just hope she feels the same way about me...Anyways congrats again on your relationship. I read your other post now and Im happy for you! :) All the best!!

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I agree with Val, you should tell her! It would be of course ideal to tell her in person, not because doing it by email is less manly, but because it's a very personal thing that it's best told in person, looking into her eyes, in my opinion. Also, I think you can tell better from the way a person acts around you if she is also attracted to you, although that might sometimes be misleading. But anyways, if you have the chance to visit her sometime in the future, I'd put it off until then.

On the other hand, it's not the end of the world if you do it by email either, in case you can't wait any longer. I wouldn't think less of a man if he told me he loved me via email, and this way you give her more time to reply. I guess both have advantages and disadvantages. There's also Skype and IM :)

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Almost same story as mine ..... But my problem is that we are age fellows (although I am 1 year older) , the main obstacle is age ..... She'll get married in 22-23 years .... I'll be of 24 by then ... As a custom in my family the boy gets married at 26 or 27 ..... I am well going in achieving my professional goals .... Hope so his father will agree to my proposal if I ask him or my father/ mother ask him .... But her mother seems quite pulled away from me .... I am 90% sure that she too loves me .... But neither I have expressed this OPENLY nor she did ! Her mother restricts her to use Facebook / Skype , Cell phone etc . So there is also a communication gap between us ! I just can't imagine my married life without her... I can't just cheat on her even .... She's not a beauty though but she has some damn attractive characteristics that attract me towards her !

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