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sykikdoc

Does she like me?

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So I have liked my first cousin since I was like 8. We didn't used to talk to each other that much in those days. I then moved to another country and after 4 years she has moved here as well. Now that she's here we are connecting really well. We talk to each other about literally everything. She is my sister's best friend and she doesn't tell her the stuff she tells me!! E.g abt her bf. So she told me she had a bf in the country she migrated from. But she didn't seem sad. She makes like a very strong eye contact with me. In like every hide and seek game she finds me first and I find her first. I caught her looking at me 1 or 2 times but I am not sure if she was looking at me. So on last weekend she wrote a note to me and she wrote personal stuff in it. I replied back and I wrote I like someone. She said do I know her. I said yes and then after that we she went home and we didn't meet. So she laughs at my jokes, tells me personal info, smiles and make a strong eye contact. One time my sister told me to go downstairs and stop hanging around with them and she said why should he go downstairs?Do these signs mean she likes me? Also I can't just tell her that I like her cos she has a bf and she is my first cousin and our families are too close. Also she isn't against cousin marriage/relationship as far as I know. Plz help I will meet her on this weekend. Thanks in advance. I am 18 and she is 8 months older than me. Its killing me staying away from her. All the time I am thinking abt her. And when I think she has a bf it kills me. Although she is never gonna see her bf again as she moved here. Should I approach her and if yes how should I do that but I am too scared to do that I will loose her completely. Also in one of the notes she said OK bro. Now that could mean that she is used to writing that word or she thinks of me as her bro. So does she like me or not?

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Yea I think she likes you.but you should keep the relationship going how it is like spend more time together.I think she does like you dude and if you just stay cool with her and take of her and be there for her I think things will move along very positively and naturally.you know what I mean? Good luck I hope everything works in your favor

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Cheers marbles. I will just keep the note thing go on and keep calm. She/I won't be able to hold her/my feelings forever :P

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How old are you two?

Maybe more advice will follow. Age has alot to do with the advice

that one is given.

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I am 18 and she is 18 as well but she is 8 months older than me. I mentioned it in my first post but it was at the end so I think you didn't see it.

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I am 18 and she is 18 as well but she is 8 months older than me. I mentioned it in my first post but it was at the end so I think you didn't see it.

You still have to keep a distance because she has a boyfriend. She has to "fix" that relationship first before moving on to another. You don't know if they have plans for the future and whatnot. As long as she has a boyfriend, you are still not a part of her life. As a cousin, of course. But more than that, I am not sure. I am leaning towards a "no" because of the fact that she is still in a relationship. And these two can be confusing sometimes so be very careful.

How would you feel if you are in her boyfriend's shoes? That would be unfair. If she sees something positive between the two of you, she will try to make the effort to break that relationship off and pursue a different direction. But if not, then it is quite possible that she sees her boyfriend in you... And you don't want to be in that position because it will sure hurt a lot. :(

By the way, is she your first crush? ;)

Pooch

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Thnx for the reply pooch yes she is my first cuz, also as she moved here I don't think she can meet her bf anymore. Do I still not stand any chance?

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Thnx for the reply pooch yes she is my first cuz,

I asked whether she is your first crush. Anyhow, so she is your first cuz, it's fine. :P

also as she moved here I don't think she can meet her bf anymore. Do I still not stand any chance?

Well of course you can stand a chance...if you push it. The thing is, you don't want to mess her up as well.. For it's not about you not standing a chance but it's about her being in a relationship. You see, what we're trying to avoid here is that she would have a nasty fight with her bf. Of course you are there and you will be there for her. But what about her herself? You know what I mean? I dunno.. My post might not be popular but what I am just saying is that it's better to go for girls (whether it's your cousin or not) who are not in a relationship; rather than go for the ones who are in one. You know what I mean?

You don't want her to cheat on her bf because of you, do you?

But see how you and her develop.. eventually she will know your sincerity and eventually drop her bf altogether. Try asking her how her relationship with her bf is... If they are on the rocks, then you may grab the chance. Let her figure it out herself, give her space for a meantime, then move in and go for it..

I just thought it's "gentlemanly". hehe. :P

Pooch

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Haha pooch yes she is my first and only crush. Well I won't express my feelings until she is fully over her bf. I will try to support her even if its to do with her bf, maybe she will realise that there is someone who is waiting for her ;P. Anyway thnx. I really don't want to mess it up

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Update: so I met her but I couldn't tell her that I like her. I was acting like I was depressed and all and she was like caring and asking again and again why r u depressed. She even said that is that girl running away lol? So by that does she mean she has no clue whatsoever that I like her or by caring for me means she likes me? I am totally confused!!

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sykikdoc,

You don't mention what country you are in, so I won't either, but I did take the liberty as a mod to have a peek. My look-up is usually accurate enough for our purposes here. If so, where you are, it is perfectly legal to have a relationship with, and even marry, your cousin, should things progress to such a point. Being 18, you are both legal as well, to pursue whatever nature of a relationship you choose.

  I've stuck around here for just such situations as yours. My recommendation to you is to take a deep breath for starters. Are you (either or both) still in school? If not, why not? At 18, you should be doing some college (or the equivalent where you are) or trade/certificate program. Get smart while you are young and have the chance. Stay close, build the friendship, but focus FIRST on laying the groundwork for your future. As you do so, and stay close, there is no harm in getting closer. For breaking the ice, there is nothing better than the old tried and true "If you weren't my cousin...." line. You fill in the rest depending on your particular situation. ("we would be perfect for each other", "I would ask you out", "I would date you", you know, that sort of thing.) You gauge her reaction that way, but if she has some of what is referred to as the "ick" factor, you have the out of saying "I did say IF, you know, IF we weren't cousins....." It still puts the thought out there, and could possibly get her thinking enough to poke around online, and possibly stumble upon this site. If she says something to the effect of "Yeah, I know...." then you can GENTLY ease in with "Actually, it ISN'T as weird as it seems, and it IS actually legal. While it isn't as common here as it use to be, it is still a perfectly reasonable option for us to think about." At that point, you will fully be in what we call "The Talk." At your age(s), part of it should be "We need to take things very slowly, get our acts together, get in a position to be independent, and THEN start stepping it up." Even though she is a few months older, it doesn't mean you can't be the one taking the lead, and rationally thinking things out before getting in too deep. If things should progress, you will want to keep it on the down low for at least a couple years. You are too young to withstand potential drama out of family, regardless the extent of drama. For now, you need NO DRAMA. Go out to a movie or for coffee or a light meal on occasion. Keep it casual. You can even do such things now, before you broach the topic with her. Such an occasion where the two of you would be able to speak candidly, (without 'sister ears' listening) would be as good as time as any to test the waters. Just keep calm, cool, and collected. If she thinks you are "clingy" or "needy", your chances won't be good. You have to act like you have it all figured out, without being pushy. (Even if you are winging it as you go.)

We can't be there to hold your hand, and walk you through it, but we can set back here in the cheap seats and toss out a few ideas for you, and things to keep in mind. 

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Thnx for the reply hawk. I appreciate what u r saying. Yes it is legal here to have a cousin relationship and we have had cousins married to each other in our family so I don't think she is against cousin relationship. The thing is our families are very conservative so I can't just ask her out for a coffee. Everywhere we will go it will be either a family trip or my sister between us. We can't just hang around alone!!. Also I think that's the only reason why she is not expressing her feelings because with me she is like very cool but in front of family we have to keep a distance. Anyway if I use  the "if" sentence and she says awww or something like if she doesn't care then what. And I don't wanna lose her. I am currently in college and mainly achieving high grades. I will be joining a medical uni next year so I am on the right track. BTW is there any other way rather than the if sentence to know if she likes me?  We did use the note thing sneakly without letting anyone know. Should I just carry that on?

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sykikdoc, 

I had a suspicion that you might possibly be in the position you describe. I still stick with the "if" line, only being in your situation, you can probably modify it to some degree. "If we were not in such traditional families, I would date you." Something like that perhaps. Surely you are resourceful enough as a high mark student preparing to enter the medical field, that you will figure out SOME way to get candid moments, all be they probably brief. I'm not fond of the "passing notes" method, as notes can be discovered. If they are, it will erode confidence in your forthrightness and intentions. In your situation, sneaking around on the "down low" is probably not advisable. Which brings me to........

If there is a history of cousin marriage in your family, I'll assume you are of Middle Eastern/Eastern decent. If that is the case, is there not the possibility that your parents have already thought of the two of you as a couple? If they are "conservative", (I read 'traditional') I would assume they have their eyes open for marriage prospects for the two of you. It may require considerable nerve on your part, but I would think if there were a way to speak to your and her father candidly, and in confidence, they could become quite the allies in your quest for your cousin's hand and heart. As you are preparing to go into the medical field, if you are not already up on it, go to the main page here and get up to speed on the genetics. You will probably learn them soon enough, but you may as well have a head start on the topic. I would think that would be their only concern that would rise to the level of NOT particularly wanting the two of you to be together. There has been considerable hype where you are about the genetics of repeated cousin marriages in one particular community there. I know not if you are specifically of that community, but the hype has been to paint with a broad brush indeed. You can only hope they have not bought into it. If they have not, could you not speak with them privately, admit your attraction to you cousin to them, assure them of your honest intentions, and ask for their guidance and permission to "court" her when the time comes? Let them know that for the next few years at least, you will have a full plate with school, but that at some point in the future, you would at least like your hat in the ring so to speak, for her hand in marriage. I would think this would show great respect, and, even if they are not so warm to the idea initially, they could be brought on board. Let them know you only bring it up for their consideration at this point, and their permission to allow you to continue considering her as a potential life mate in the future. Your fathers will talk, and they will talk privately with your mothers. (pillow talk, I would call it) Eventually, the four of them would possibly have a nice long conversation on the topic. If that happens, you can forget about the "if" and you had best be prepared for the "when."  :grin:   

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Thanks for the splendid reply hawk. The thing is that my parent don't find me mature enough so they never talk about my marriage but they are always trying to get my cousin get married with an old grumpy guy. Fgs she is only 18 and it irritaes me a lot. Otherwise I m OK but I can't see her get married to someone else an

d at this age!!

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sykikdoc,

Then my advise to request meeting privately with your respective fathers will be repeated. Even if you are nervous about such a thing, I really think it would change their impression of your maturity level. Being a "grumpy old guy" myself, I don't want to cut such guys down, but I'll tell you right now, you may as well learn how to play the game of life as an adult, because if you don't make a move for what you want, you'll never have it. You talk to them. You tell them you know they may think you immature, but you aren't taking this lightly, and it took considerable nerve on your part to ask to speak with them. You remind them of your high marks in school, and your future goals in that regard. You let them know you may not be ready, but you don't think she is either, and would ask that they at least consider giving you the chance. You had best step up, and start moving that direction, or you have no chance. They may shoot the whole idea down, but at least you tried. Just as likely as well, is that it gives them something to consider, and consider it they may. Perhaps talk to your father first, in confidence, and ask if he would be willing to ask her father to meet with the two of you. See where that goes.

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yep,may be yes..bt for u its necessary to be steady and slow.spend more time with her,if possible take her out.and in a playful way even u can touch and hold her!then see how she reacts!!alway treat her like a princess...best of luck

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Lol hawk I'm lucky enough to even to talk to her now and if I told my family about this they would like never let me go close to her or they will always have their eyes on me all the time. I will only talk to my family if I am sure enough that she likes me. Thanks for the advice though :smiley:. Tara thnx for the advice but u should read my older posts to see why going out with her is such a problem.

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ok.i read them.now as i see it,u should first ask her,if she still has feelings for her ex.and ask her what if she get a chance to go back to him ,or anyhow he comes again in her life,how would she react.i mean first be clearh,may be she still likes him.

And if its no,then my ideas is just try to approach her,(as a girl what i expect )like heroically bt only in playful way,holding her against wall,teasing in playful way......

And if she has still feelings 4 him,then its ok.don't be upset.if u are around,or have her as a friend on internet,she 'll start developing feelings 4 u too.and then will forget her ex. So important is going slowly and steady.behave smartly.

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Thnx Swift for the reply. I will try to be patient (But it's hard :( ). I will update this post once i meet her on this weekend  :smiley:

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