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whyUS?

Should I contact her after all these years?

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This has been on my mind for a long time?.

So its been about 4 years since the heart breaking incident?.

Sometimes I think that it is better to be family/friends again with the one you used to be with while keeping a distance, rather than pretending that the one you loved never existed and you avoiding them wherever you go, past, present, and future.

So my question is, if i can state it correctly,

Do you think it would be a wise decision to be just family/friends again with person you loved? or should I just let things the way it is and ignore everything about that person and family for the rest of my life?

It would be great to be able to see that person's face, rather than not being able to at all.

Let me know your opinions!

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I think you should.I think it'll be what you make it.just really make it clear to yourself that all you want is a family/friendship. And if your old feelings come back, which they probably will, soldier through and realize that even being with and seeing them would be cool. I'm telling you, think happy positive thoughts when you're with them and you'll let off positive vibes.

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I totally agree with marbles, friendship/family is better than nothing at all.  As said, if feelings do come back, then just remain strong and try not to let the feelings get in the way of your friendship with your cousin, otherwise it will be soul destroying for you i'd imagine.

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whyUS? i guess am in similar situation as yourself. Both options are very difficult. Also how long can one pretend to be friendship/family for?In my experience, invariably previous feelings will mostly like come back....

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Nessa76 and Kwana76 - yeah it would definitely be a killer if i cant control my feelings and emotions if i was to be around my cousin.  but i believe that one day, as i age older, i will be emotionally ready and mature to handle and control my feelings for my cousin just so that we can at least be able to just be family/friends.  I just want my heart to be in peace.

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"So my question is, if i can state it correctly,

Do you think it would be a wise decision to be just family/friends again with person you loved? or should I just let things the way it is and ignore everything about that person and family for the rest of my life?"

A little dramatic, aren't you?

Listen, I know some people can remain friends with former lovers/boyfriends.  I on the other hand, always made a clean break of the relationship.  Now, are there former boyfriends I could see today and not have a single pang of anger or feel even slightly awkward around?  Yes, of course.  But am I friends with any past love interests?  Nope.

I'm not sure why you think you have to ignore family for the rest of your life because of this.  Might there be some awkward moments?  Perhaps.  But I don't know why you feel like the whole family must be cut from your life.

Dating, or being involved romantically with a cousin can definitely make for awkward family gatherings if the relationship has gone sour.  Now, I don't know what the status of your cousin relationship is or was.  Did you date and then break up?  Did you have a crush on her and she told you she wasn't interested?  Did you have a crush and never got up the nerve to brooch the subject?  What exactly is making you want to take such a hard stance on this that you are contemplating giving up on family relationships?  It's been 4 years!  It may be time to simply move on with your life, be polite when you see her at family gatherings and not let this completely control you. 

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I understand completely. I recently met up with my cousin for a week after not seeing each other for years. He initiated contact and the idea of a romantic relationship which I was against at first but then totally fell in love with him and we had a great week together. I now know he does not have the same feelings for me and it really hurt. We still talk almost daily and I have spent a lot of time feeling heartbroken and confused but decided I would rather keep him in my life as a family member/ friend than not at all.I just have tried to distance myself more to ease the pain. He was the one who brought up the whole idea to begin with . I have just let him believe I don't have feelings anymore but that's not really true. So I guess try to be friends still but if it's too hard for you then no.

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A little dramatic, aren't you?

Listen, I know some people can remain friends with former lovers/boyfriends.  I on the other hand, always made a clean break of the relationship.  Now, are there former boyfriends I could see today and not have a single pang of anger or feel even slightly awkward around?  Yes, of course.  But am I friends with any past love interests?  Nope.

I'm not sure why you think you have to ignore family for the rest of your life because of this.  Might there be some awkward moments?  Perhaps.  But I don't know why you feel like the whole family must be cut from your life.

Dating, or being involved romantically with a cousin can definitely make for awkward family gatherings if the relationship has gone sour.  Now, I don't know what the status of your cousin relationship is or was.  Did you date and then break up?  Did you have a crush on her and she told you she wasn't interested?  Did you have a crush and never got up the nerve to brooch the subject?  What exactly is making you want to take such a hard stance on this that you are contemplating giving up on family relationships?  It's been 4 years!  It may be time to simply move on with your life, be polite when you see her at family gatherings and not let this completely control you.

weird. i never mentioned that i was the man and my cousin was the girl. but anyways? we were together for nearly two years until she cheated on me.  sometimes i think that if we weren't that young and naive back then, things would have worked out better.  but yes i agree with you. i have moved on but this is the only thought that is still on my mind that i need to answer.  i would say that every time i see a family member of ours, it just reminds me of her and my failure and its depressing! so i tend to stay away so that i can feel more peaceful. i feel that if we both can come to an agreement of some sort that my heart will be at peace.

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weird. i never mentioned that i was the man and my cousin was the girl. but anyways?

Ha!  I'm a bit intuitive that way....

You're over thinking this!  Let the chips fall where they may.  Don't try to come up with a mutually agreeable plan, just live your life.  It may continue to be awkward for a time and your heartstrings may get tugged a bit every now and then, but one of these days you will see her and not have a second thought and you will realize that every little thing's gonna be alright.

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Ha!  I'm a bit intuitive that way....

You're over thinking this!  Let the chips fall where they may.  Don't try to come up with a mutually agreeable plan, just live your life.  It may continue to be awkward for a time and your heartstrings may get tugged a bit every now and then, but one of these days you will see her and not have a second thought and you will realize that every little thing's gonna be alright.

Thank you for input!

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