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What to do next......

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I discovered this site about 3 weeks ago. I have reading many of the stories on the forum since then. I originally came to this site to try to understand feelings that I have for my  1st cousin. I simply could not understand how I could be so attracted to her, and was looking for answers.

I guess the purpose of this post is to tell my story so far, and gain some advice in how to proceed.

Here goes....

First, my cousin and I are both in our late 20s. Growing up we only saw each other a couple times a year. I never thought of her as anything more than a regular cousin until about 3 years ago. At that time I moved to the same town as her and her family. We see each other every day, and as time passed my mind started to think of her differently. As I began to learn more about who she was, how similar our personalities are, I started to think that I was falling in love with her(I was).

I am a very shy and awkward guy, so for the last 2 years I did not say or act on any feelings for her. I only tried to hide the fact that I was so drawn to her, at least until recently.

I am not exactly sure what happened, but about 2 months ago something changed. Since then I cannot get her out of my head. Seeing her fills me with peace, warmth, and generally makes me feel more alive. The only other time that I have had similar feelings, was with my first love(end of H.S. and college). It did not last due to circumstances that were outside of our control. I lost the woman I was in love with and also lost part of myself, I have never been the same since.

Anyways, back to the recent times. About 3 weeks ago, she caught me looking at her beautiful face. Up until this point I would always shift my eyes away when see noticed me looking at her. This time it was different, I stared back into her eyes. These 8 or 10 seconds seemed like an hour, her eyes melted my frozen soul.  My heart had been off limits for nearly 10 years. Nothing was said, but this is when I realized that I was really falling in love. That night I found this website.

So after about a week of reading and thinking I decided that I needed to say something. I told that I wanted to talk to her about something. Two days later, we were finally able to have some privacy and talk. Over the previous 48 hours I decided that I was going be straight forward about my feelings, and not hide them anymore. It was time to spill my guts. I had no idea how she might react, but I was committed to rolling the dice.

I told her that regardless of what I was going to say, I value the friendship we had and did not want lose that. I then proceeded to tell her that I was attracted to her, and that I could no longer hold my feelings inside. I told her that when I was staring into her eyes the other night, I felt something that I have not felt in a very long time.

What she said next blew me away. She said that "if" I weren't her cousin she would all over me.

We talked about an hour, about many things. She opened up, and told me very personal things about her previous loves. We talked about "what ifs". She also brought up sex multiple times, and hinted that she is kinda a freak(her words).She said that she did not know if she was ready for a romantic relationship with anyone, not just me. It also seemed that her largest concern was what others(family) might think. When it was time for me to go , I did not want to leave. I kept turning back to look at her, thinking if I should ask to kiss her. In the end I drove home.

Its been about 2 weeks since that conversation. I see her everyday, and I am trying my best not act weird around her

or the rest of the family. We have had some more personal talks, but not like that night.

My attraction and love for her has only grown, but I am unsure of how to continue.

Any advice or thoughts are welcome.

Thank you in advance.

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  If she has the same "if you weren't my cousin" thing running through her head, then (for goodness sake) being in your late 20's, get her here to the site too. Show her the facts. If you two are afraid of others reactions, it is THEIR problem if THEY don't come around to the facts. You don't say where you are, and I'm not going to take the liberty to look. So long as you are not in a State that considers it to be criminal incest, don't start stressing out just yet. There are many states that it is legal to marry in, (WAY ahead of where you are, but good to know) and MOST of the rest couldn't care less about the specific nature of your relationship. There are only a very few that you could really find yourself in a bind in, Wisconsin and Texas being the first two that come to mind. Other than that, the old wives tales of kids with two heads and such are just that, WAY overblown horror stories from the latter part of the century before last.

IF you two both come here and look around together, and get on the same page with just a little bit more than the "IF you weren't my cousin" part you already have in common, I would advise you to proceed with all due caution, as you would ay other relationship. If you decide to explore it a little, and spend time together, you have no duty to broadcast it to the world. And that includes friends and family. If you two want to be closer, you need to do it on your own terms in your own time. DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANYBODY ELSE. Trust me......

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