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What should I do?

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I need some advice.

My 2nd cousin and I are 1 year apart.  We grew up seeing each other occasionally but I felt closer to her than cousins I saw more often.  We drifted apart but then about 10 years ago we reconnected. We talked off and on. We had a couple of make out sessions and almost went all the way, except for the lack of protection.

In the intervening time, I got married.

About a year ago, I started working near her. We talked more and I started having stronger feelings for here.  She was having relationship troubles and I talked her through them.  We went on a couple of dates and we again almost went all the way, even bringing protection when I went and visited her.  She was up for it but a badly timed phone call ruined the moment.

We've been talking and I expressed how much I love her and how I wish things were different.  I told her that I valued her as my closest friend above everything.

She recently got involved with a man she's know for a long time.  They had started talking about maybe getting married eventually.  They weren't sexually involved until this weekend. It just happened and she thinks she might be pregnant.

Now my problem.  I don't know how I feel about it.  I think I'm jealous. I don't know what to do or say to her. I'm hoping that she's not. I feel I'm being selfish but I can't help the way I feel. The previous failed relationships let me hold onto her, if not actually, at least in my dreams.  This development kind of puts an end to that hope.

What should I do??


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