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Witcher1

In need of suggestions.

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Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get along with there cousin boyfriend because I am doing a horrible job at it.

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Witcher1,

A little more information first would be in order it seems. I looked at your profile and your posts, and there is little to base any advise you are asking for on. I was somewhat confused as to what you are asking, (is your cousin your BF, or are you asking about how to get along with your cousins' BF?) which I think is what you are asking, seeing as how you are male, and have mentioned "her" and/or "she."

So, if you are asking how to better get along with her BF, I'm not sure. What seems to be the major problem in dealing with him? Is he an a$$hat or what? Does he treat her well, or not so well? If he treats her fine, and she is fine with how he treats her, then it behooves you to hold your peace about any feelings for her, until such time as (or IF) the relationship goes south.

I've not really when into a lot about specifics here with me and my cousin, other than to say we had a "moment" back in the day, walked away, went on to others, and will never be together like that again. I've also mentioned that she has a long term BF that few people in the family, and few friends of hers are fond of. He's never been anything but cordial to me, but I have heard of less than stellar behavior on his part, toward her, and others. So long as he isn't a smart arse to me, and I don't see him being mean to her, hey, it's her life, her BF, and her prerogative to handle her relationship as she sees fit. Should he ever get cute with me, or nasty with her, I will call him on it immediately. I think he knows this. I'm reasonably confident she has never mentioned to him just how close she and I are. We were "estranged" for decades. They have been an item for nearly 2/3ds of that time now. In the last three years or so, since we've been back in contact, and re-established our close emotional bond, I think he picked up on it almost immediately, and knew I was one family member he should be nice to. She isn't too keen to listen to advice from family, but she does listen to me. Several in the family have told her she should dump him. For her own reasons, she hasn't. I think he knows if I were to be the one to say that, (with good cause, of course) it would happen.

All of that said, my advice? Be like me. Let her handle her own relationship in her own way. If she, as we say where I'm from, "has an a$$ full of him", she'll break it off. Other than that, be civil. As long as he isn't pulling your chain, don't pull his. Even if you don't like the guy, "kill him with kindness". If YOUR behavior is less than stellar, THAT needs to change. Is it jealousy on your part that drives your dislike of him? If so, you may as well let it go. It is NOT a quality in a man, it is an emotion that will eat you up from inside, and it will be toxic to any potential relationship that MAY ever develop sometime in the future with her. If she sees YOU being an a$$, why would she want to consider a relationship with you, going in knowing that you have that trait in you? On top of the "cousin factor" drama that would already most likely be a consideration on her part? To be THE man, you have to first be A man about things. Knowwaddahmsayin'?

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Yeah I should have put more details into that post. I have actually talked to you before Hawk about this in chat but I understand if you don't remember.

As well as you commenting on the only other post I did when I was just a guest. That's why you don't see anything when you look at my posts on my profile. I could see if I could find that post and then repost the link to it on here. Of course we talked a lot more about this in chat hopefully by you seeing that earlier post you can remember the rest of the chat without me having to go threw it all again. But if you don't remember I don't mind telling you again.

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