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Guest confusedfeeelings

Need advice for stronger resolve

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My first cousin and I have been in a relationship for 7yrs. We are from India, recently we spoke to our families about our love for each other. Everyone became furious and told its incest. In India first cousins are considered to be brothers and sisters. Lately after the family dispute I have confused feelings towards her. All these 7yrs I never even once felt that she is my sister but now that I am under pressure from the family my feelings are under constant conflict. I keep telling myself that we are cousins not siblings but its of not much help. I am beginning to wonder if I really love her? just because of family and society views my feelings are changing :( :( :( . I want to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her. Please give me some advice so that my resolve becomes stronger and my feelings does not change.

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confusedfeeelings,

Do calm down son. Unless the two of you came from the same sperm source, and same uterus, you are NOT siblings, I don't care WHO says or thinks differently. As intelligent as the Indian people are as a rule, I will never understand how they just cannot seem to comprehend basic 1st grade genetics and genealogy. She is NOT your sister. TRADITION says you are LIKE siblings, but blood does not lie. If you would like, go have some DNA work done, asking the question if the two of you can in any way possibly be siblings. The obvious answer will be NO. It will come back that you have different fathers and mothers, and therefore cannot possibly BE siblings. Your family is ignorant of the facts. That is not in any way speaking badly of them. I was ignorant of many things before I was educated on them. Ignorance CAN be cured. However, they sound quite stupid to me, as do families of many, if not most of our good members such as you from India who find their way here. Stupid is another matter all together. Stupid is when one knows the facts, and willfully chooses to ignore them. In my experience, stupid can't be cured, it goes all the way to the bone.

My advice to you would be to immigrate to a country somewhere where cousins can legally marry, marry her, and live happily, and QUIETLY ever after. I know you feel it is your obligation to care for your parents as they get older, but they have to warrant that care. In my humble opinion, respect goes both ways, and they are dismissing you and your love out of hand despite the facts of the matter. That's a deal breaker for me. So, as the saying here in my part of the US goes, "Run Johnny, Run."   

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In cultures where cross cousins are encouraged and parallel discouraged, it is often an inherited taboo, passed down from when there was greater inter-marriage and inter-mingling among the members of an extended family ? with a greater chance that first cousins could also be half-siblings:

Fathers who are also brothers may overtly or covertly share sexual relations with the wife of one or the other . . . . Likewise, mothers who are also sisters may overtly or covertly share sexual access to the husband of one or the other, raising the possibility that apparent parallel cousins are actually half-siblings, sired by the same father . . . .[With] cross cousins, because in the absence of full-sibling incest, it is unlikely [they] . . . can share a father . . . [unless a] mother had a brother whose wife was impregnated by [mother's husband].

This is not very likely to happen in modern societies that practice first-cousin marriages

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