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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Untamedbeauty

I don't know what to think

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So I ended up making a stupid mistake. Me and my cousin are both only 16. We had been talking for a while we really liked each other. We started secretly seeing each other and on the first night I got to spend alone with him we actually had sex. I know it was wrong and stupid but I wasn't really thinking it at the time. A week had passed and I noticed he wasn't talking to me as much any more we were growing apart. I felt taken advantage of and i was having second thoughts about trusting him. I started to hear that he has a girfriend. I confront him about he responded with "kind of" I was so mad at the time I hated him for it. I don't understand why he did that to me. He just told me "you know we wouldn't work out and I really want thins girl to be my girlfriend" I felt used and horrible. He told me that he didn't mean for it to happen that he didn't mean to hurt me like that. I honestly don't care if he didn't mean too because the damage is done. After three weeks of crying myself to sleep I stayed alone with him again for some reason thinking he wouldn't try anything but he did and when I got mad he said "I'm not with her."  then more things happened that night that shouldn't have happened. I felt awful once again and I started crying in front of him and he looked like he felt bad for what he did like he didn't know what to do. I told him I wouldn't stick around I love myself to much for that. Then the fallowing week he brought his girlfriend over to meet the family and I felt terrible like if he was just doing it to hurt me. He acted like I didn't exsist when she was around. I made a complete fool of myself that day and I acted childish and said some not so nice things to him when he was trying to talk to make like nothing was wrong. I'm starting to hate him now and every time I catch him staring at me I feel like punching him in the face. I don't want this to affect my future relationships because now I feel like if I trust a guy again his gonna go and do the same to me I'm afraid to let someone in like that again. I'm trying hard to move past this and is kind of working but every time I see him it hurts and I start all over again.

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I'm so sorry that you're feeling hurt and used.  Don't let this affect you for future relationships.  You can't undo what is done but you can learn from it and move forward in positive ways.  Please consider this:

- Your cousin used you.  He knew how to get what he wanted (twice) and he got it.  Learn from this and don't let him get away with it again.  He's too immature to be trusted and not likely to grow up anytime soon (if ever).  Don't trust him.  Next time you're alone with him, he'll tell you that it didn't work out with that other girl and start apologizing and making all sorts of excuses until he gets what he wants again.  Don't let him get away with it.

- Other men will attempt to use you but good ones exist, too.  Any man worth having an intimate relationship with is going to be willing to become great friends with you in a relationship where sex isn't on the table at all.  He'll be a man you can get to know over time, maybe years, where you go out together on what some would call "dates" but where there's no more physical contact than hand holding and maybe a good evening hug.  You're only 16, so if you don't find this man for another few years, your life will be better for it.

Find things to take your mind off of it.  Read a good book, go for long walks, and hang with some friends.  You'll get through this with comforting friends.  Of course, we're also here to be a continuing sounding board, too. :)

CM

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