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Parent disapproval

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Hi everyone

I'm 22 years old and live in Europe in my own apartment. A year ago I met my non blood related cousin who is 22 and lives in Vietnam. After I returned home we started to Skype and chat everyday for hours. We've been a couple for the last 8 months but kept it as a secret to our families. She really want to move into my apartment and so do I.

I could bring her over here without the help of my parents. The problem is that my parents, especially my mother is kind of selfish and doesn't want me to help her. I don't think she even likes my cousin. Her parents will only let her come over and live with me if my parents approve. I haven't asked my mother yet but she doesn't even like me to talk to her much. My father always listens to my mother. Also we doesn't have the courage to tell our parents about our love yet. We think it would only result in more problems. We would just say I want to help her to get over here so she can have a better life. We will eventually tell them after been living together for a while.

What should I do if I ask my mother and she doesn't approves? I'm an adult now and have lived by myself for the past 3 years now. Do I really have to listen to her? Should I just ignore her until she accepts me helping her? Would that help? My cousin really makes me happy and I really want this. Can anyone please give some advice? Thank you!

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Hi everyone

I'm 22 years old and live in Europe in my own apartment. A year ago I met my non blood related cousin who is 22 and lives in Vietnam. After I returned home we started to Skype and chat everyday for hours. We've been a couple for the last 8 months but kept it as a secret to our families. She really want to move into my apartment and so do I.

I could bring her over here without the help of my parents. The problem is that my parents, especially my mother is kind of selfish and doesn't want me to help her. I don't think she even likes my cousin. Her parents will only let her come over and live with me if my parents approve. I haven't asked my mother yet but she doesn't even like me to talk to her much. My father always listens to my mother. Also we doesn't have the courage to tell our parents about our love yet. We think it would only result in more problems. We would just say I want to help her to get over here so she can have a better life. We will eventually tell them after been living together for a while.

What should I do if I ask my mother and she doesn't approves? I'm an adult now and have lived by myself for the past 3 years now. Do I really have to listen to her? Should I just ignore her until she accepts me helping her? Would that help? My cousin really makes me happy and I really want this. Can anyone please give some advice? Thank you!

It is so nice for both you and your non-blood related cousin, that you found each other, and I am happy to hear that your feelings are mutual. In my opinion both of you should put your own happiness first and certainly over your parents?.

I know that it would mean a lot if her parents could be comforted by the thought, that your parents approve -but you can?t expect that right away.

If you a able to provide, finically, for you both -or better yet - if she can get a job in Europe ( I am from Europe too) I?d say: GO :D. Then, afterwards, take your time, to inform your parents about your relation and what it means to you. I think there is a lot of great advice to be found here on cc.com, but your case is different, since it is "only" the perception (culturally) that you are cousins and there for difficult, to some, to grasp… Go for your happiness :D

Lucky you <3 I hope this is a help :) GOOD LUCK :D

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you're an adult and have lived on your own for three years, but she is also an adult, isn't she? i'm not sure what the cultural implications are in viet nam, but can they really forbid her from coming?

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Thank you Anne and LadyC for your replies. Yes, we're both adults. She said to me that she could move to me even though her or my parents don't want to. She is worried that later when we tell my parents that we are in love, they would not accept us and there will be a conflict in our families. Because have been living and been raised in Europe I know very little about vietnamese culture but for her it's really important to have both families approval. If my parents initially approve that I can help her, later there will not be a problem telling our parents as they already approved once and cannot say anything. Otherwise she is afraid that my family will disfavor her family because they approved it and let this happen.

I just don't know how I can convince my parents into letting me helping her. How should I talk to my parents and what arguments should I take up?

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