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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest inpired1

I Need Advice...

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Guest inpired1

Hi,

My cousin and I have been sleeping together for about two years now. it is on and off. it started with drunken sex and then digressed to me just giving him [redacted - oral - redacted], and during this time he was making it very clear that it was just about getting off.. and then recently we started having sex again.

Every time after we hook up he wants to make sure I dont like him, but i am getting mixed signals, because at every family function he will sit next to me and be next to me basically the entire time, and our whole family is very close. He also tells me things that he's said to have never shared with anyone else.

Also, in our culture it is common for cousins to marry each other, however, living in America has skewed the views of my family and that would definitely be taboo. Anyways, he has told me (when he was drunk) he feels conflicted with old views of our ancestors and new ones. He is also not the type of person I can just have a conversation with this about.

I do like him, and can see myself with him, but I am confused and he is too. But he is being the 'typical bro' about the situation and acting nonchalant and will not open up to me about how he really feels.

I feel so much better finding this website and forum, to know that I am not alone and not crazy..

I am writing here to see if I can get any advice about my situation, his mixed feelings (does he actually like me? or is it just sex?.. is that even possible between cousins?..) and facing taboo..

Thank you for reading.

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Hi, "inpired1" and welcome to the site.  You didn't give us much to go on.  I'm only guessing that you're both adults and neither are married.  Even so, from what little you've given, I'm just going to guess that your cousin enjoys the physical part and will continue stringing you along as far as you'll follow.  Stop sleeping with him and he'll lose interest in you pretty quickly.  Keep doing it and he'll be interested for as long as there's not real threat to his current lifestyle and collateral relationships (family, friends, etc.).  That's just my assessment from your short story.  Not a rosy picture but I hope the honest assessment is at least useful in some way for you.

Best wishes,

CM

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Hi Colorado Married,

Thank you for reading and for your advice.

I think you are completely right, he is scared of me threatening his current life style. We are both adults, I am 23 and he is 31, he's never been married and has never been in a relationship longer than 6 months, he is definitely afraid of commitment.   

I guess one of my main concerns is that, I did not realize an attraction between cousins could be purely physical without there being emotions involved. Maybe, I am being a typical "girl" about this situation, but I don't know.

I also have read other people's stories about how their partners/cousins actually show interest by keeping in contact an d things like that and if him and I speak, it's usually always me reaching out to him.

What I sometimes believe, which I could be completely wrong, is that he does truly care for me and he knows I like him too but he is afraid to act on it because of the stigma of the whole situation. .

I hope this all makes sense, sorry to ramble.

Thank you again for reading

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