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Csibe04

a bit different story :)

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I don't even know if I have my place here, because the love of my life is not my cousin, but my mothers. This made the things a bit more difficult.

Our story started 3 years ago, when I was 14 and he was 32. By this time he was living in Sudan (he is a Hungarian man, he was just living there for 2 years), he was a history teacher there. One day I was really bored at home, so I decided to write to him on Facebook. I didn't really know him, I just wanted to talk to someone. The funny part in the story is that I thought I was writing to his brother (they have very similar names). So we started to chat and didn't stopped until one and a half hour passed. He was the most intelligent, funny and interesting guy I've ever met. From that day we started to talk daily, always one and a half hour (my parents didn't allow me to use the internet for more than one and a half hour) in the evening, and we fell in love soon. Of course we never admitted that, because we where relatives and I am 18 years younger than him, but we always knew it. I can say we became addicted to each other. Sometimes he brought his laptop even into the class, and chatted with me while his students where writing a test, and I had I.T. lesson.

Time passed and next summer he moved back to Hungary from Sudan, and wanted to meet me. We went to the cinema together with my sister, and I can clearly remember one point when we where just staring into each others eyes and the world around us stopped. I was completely lost. Since then every time we met we went to cinema, it became some kind of habit between us. At the end of this summer we met again, just before he moved out to Switzerland. We went to see a Goya exhibition. We had a really good time together until at one point he came really close to me, standing behind me, and I could feel his breath on my neck (He now says he couldn't resist me). I looked back curiously, but he misunderstood my gesture and thought I'm no longer in love with him, and I looked back because he came too close and I don't want it.

After the exhibition we went to eat a cake somewhere, and while we where sitting there, eating our cakes I told him that our whole family is suspicious about us, and there are gossips in the family which says we are in love. I wanted him to say it's true, he loves me, but his answer was that if he would love me he would move to another country (in two weeks he moved to Switzerland) to be as far from me as he can. My heart was broken, I ,too, thought he no longer loves me.

Two years passed, we kept on talking anytime we could, and I never stopped to love him. When he came home we always met, went to cinema or anywhere and spent as many hours together as we can. He later admitted that he,too, never stopped to love me, and while he was sometimes really depressed I helped him to stay alive.In 2013 I went to visit him in Switzerland in August for a week, and it felt like I am his girlfriend. It was amazing, sometimes I could hardly control the urge to tell him I love him. In November 2013 we met again, and I felt stronger love for him than ever. He was at home for a week and we met two times. The second time he came home with me and almost kissed me standing on the stairs of our house, but he was to shy and afraid to do it. Then he went back to Switzerland and I was really sad.

The turning point came in 1,December 2013. We where chatting in the evening on Facebook and I could no longer resist the urge to tell him how I feel. On the other part I was deadly afraid, because I thought he will stop to talk to me, and I felt that I would be broken if I loose him. But I told him I was and still in love with him, and to my biggest surprise his answer was: " I love you too". It turned out we both loved each other since the beginning of our relationship. Our happiness didn't last for long because we realized we have 3 big problems:

1) I have a boyfriend (I kicked him out partly because of this, but there where other reasons too)

2) We are relatives

3) He is 18 years older

We went around these problems a hundred times, and thought we had a choice whether we want this relationship or not. It turned out we didn't. He wanted me to visit him, so he sent me money and I bought a train ticket to Switzerland. After a week I told my mum that I am in love with her cousin. She wasn't happy about it, and forced me to break up with him (I already had my ticket). It was the most horrible two days of my life. I couldn't stop crying, not even at night, I didn't eat and was all day in my room, fighting back my tears and nausea. He was in a worse condition, he vomited twice, once in his workplace, and started to cry in his workplace too, and at home as well. After these two horrible days I realized we couldn't live without each other, so I decided to visit him, whether my mum likes it or not. To my surprise she accepted my decision without anger. I think in this two days she was very afraid for me.

I visited him for one week after Christmas, and it was the most beautiful week of my life. He was romantic, sensitive and caring. He asked me to be his wife (3 times) and I said yes every time. On the 2nd of January we went to buy me a ring, which for me is still the most beautiful ring on Earth. When I went home I couldn't wait to finish my school. We decided to tell the family what happened, and to our surprise most of them accepted it with little resistance. My parents are divorced, and only my father couldn't accept us, he doesn't speak to me since January. It hurts but my love compensate everything.

The next step was when I finished my school and decided to move out to Switzerland. It was a hard decision, to start my own life at the age of 18 (almost 19) abroad, but it was what I had to do, so 2 months ago I moved out to live with my fianc?, and now I feel like I'm the happiest person on Earth. :)

I never thought that true love really exists, but now I know it does, and it really doesn't know limits.

Thanks for reading my story :)

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your mother's cousin would be your first cousin once removed.... so yes, it still applies to this forum. (i'm married to my first cousin once removed.)

to me, the issue wouldn't be that he's 18 years older than you, it would be that you were 13 when this all started. that's just not appropriate behaviour for a man who is in his 30's. and i have to question your math.... you said it started three years ago when you were 13, but now you are almost 19. did you type the wrong number somewhere?

in any case, it appears that regardless of your age three years ago, you're an adult now. the idea of moving away from your home country and living on your own abroad  must be very exciting! switzerland, to me, has always sounded like a romantic dream. i wish you both the best.

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It all started in 2010. You are right it was 4 years ago, I became 19 this April :) I know it's not a normal thing for a 32-33 year old man (I'm not sure how old he was, his birthday is one day after mine) but he couldn't help himself. He never courted me, just since we are engaged.

Living here in Switzerland is very nice although i don't speak the language yet... :)

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I'm not sure how big a deal age differences and relative youth are in relationships in Hungary or Sudan - I know in the United States, 14/15 is pretty much off-limits for all adults and even with adults, we tend to look suspiciously at large age gaps.

Granting for the moment that 15 is considered old enough in Hungary to make life decisions, and granting that the culture in Sudan or Hungary doesn't have much problem with large age differences, I would have to simply wish you both the best in your lives together and wish you a very long and happy marriage in Switzerland.

Now, taking a more Western view toward relationships, I have serious concerns with any man in his 30s who sees a 14/15-year-old in a sexual or romantic light.  From that perspective, it's predatory behavior that preys on innocence and relative inexperience for purely prurient desires.

Youth aside, I still have concerns about the large age gap.  At 18 years, you're nearly a full generation apart.  Your life experiences (aside from you being raised in Europe and him being raised in Sudan) are going to be extremely different.  How you relate to one another will be affected by that age gap, making it difficult for you to be truly equals in the relationship.  It increases the odds of the relationship becoming abusive (physically, mentally, or emotionally) through dominance and manipulation.

Other than that, my only remaining advice is to learn the language and integrate quickly.  The Swiss aren't known for enjoying "outsiders" as permanent residents :)

CM

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I also wish you both well but like the posts above I have a few concerns.

I know we here in Europe consider 16 the age to legally have sex or smoke cigarettes, get married or pregnant etc and when we are 18 we can drink alcohol and are basically considered an adult whereas in the US the age is 21 years old so we all take those limits as guidelines from wherever we come from but you say you were 14 years old and he was 32, that is a bit worrying. I understand that things in Sudan may be a bit different but that is one large age gap. If you were say 20 and he was 38 then I would be ok with that but let me elaborate a little.

I lived in Switzerland and all the surrounding countrys, I am from England and also lived in the US for 10 years. People who live in Switzerland tend to have very well paid jobs and a better lifestyle than say for instance border countrys like France, Germany, Austria. All I can say is be careful. Learn the language as fast as you can and never give anyone your passport and keep a stash of money at least for a plane ticket somewhere safe. Good luck to you if it works out well but be equal with your partner and be firm if need be.

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ColoradoMarried I think you misunderstood something.

1) He is a Hungarian guy, he wasn't raised in Sudan, he was just there for two years teaching history.

2) I didn't made any life decisions at the age of 15. I decided to tell him I love him at the age of 18, and everything between us happened since then.

3) I know it may sound like he is some kind of pedophile, but believe me he's not. He was very concerned about his feelings, and didn't wanted it to happen. But no one can control love, and he isn't an exception.

The age gap between us is really big, and sometimes it do makes things difficult, for example people always think I am his daughter, but we always try to see the funny part of it because we can do nothing about it. I am in my mind older than my age, it makes things easier, and he teaches me a lot of things, so we get on well, we are equals.

I do my best to learn German, I know I have to be quick if I want to stay here...

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Csibe04,

Hi and good luck with the learning German part of it, it is very similar language to Swiss and you will be understood by everyone in Switzerland if you learn it, they are very similar languages, again good luck and I hope it all works out well for you.  :wink:

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