Bluebird15

A Pause and a Good Bye for Now

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My cousin and I are taking a break from each other. This was decided today and out of the blue. Well this is really hard to swallow and I cant seem to stop crying but I have a gut feeling that we will resume together. Call it denial maybe but I have faith.

How did this happened? I am not so sure. We had plans to go on a date and have dinner but thats canceled now. All I know is that he called and told me that he was having conflicts with his faith. I know what he means because I am having troubles with my faith, so I understood. My cousin mentions that all he does is think about me and I feel like he doesn't know what to do. Right know he wants to focus on God more and I agree. This may sound like an excuse but I feel the same. To me God is the first thing in my life and then everything else follows. Strange as it sounds.

Although I did hear his fear of people finding out about us and how he doesn't want to be blame. Sadly, that is a fear Im battling with as well. Also, I felt like maybe things between us were going to move too fast and we had to pause it before it was too late. A few weeks ago we were so close that I think we got a bit scared to be alone again. So I think this break will help because we both need to sort our feelings. I knew this and yet I didn't say anything but he did. He pressed the pause button when I was too of a coward to do so.

Wished we could have done it in person but it doesn't matter. Im just thankful that he didn't leave me hanging. Im sad right now but not because its over but because I have to reflect on us. I might discover something good or bad. Sigh, I just need time. We need time but one thing that I will not let happen is letting this break become permanent. We will speak to each other but when it is time.

We decided to say good bye with a conflicted heart but we will say hello with a peaceful heart soon. I know it. Anyways thanks for reading. Any comments are welcomed. :)

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Thanks Youhavenopoweroverme.

So a lot of things happened since the last time I wrote on here.

Well first of all we started talking again and we agreed to see each other the following weekend. Both of us  immediately felt like going cold turkey wasn't something we wanted to do anymore.

The day arrived and wow I felt like our emotions blended together. We spent the majority of the day being like a couple. Kissing, hugging, and holding each others hands like what couples do. At the end of the day we became boyfriend and girlfriend, which sounds great but the way it happened made me feel uneasy. Its a long story but basically I placed him in a spot that made him agree to be a couple.

It hasn't been a month since we got together and my gut feeling told me something was wrong so i called him. To make this brief, he admitted that this wasn't something he wanted and that it changed him. Also, that he doesn't feel good about the whole "cousin" thing. I understood that adding this title was chaining him so i un-chain him. I didn't want to drive him away so I let it go.

So after the call I did break down. I feel lost but not completely hopeless. I still have hope.

Anyways after the call I forgot to tell him about this website and well hopefully he'll look at it. Although the title of this website did intimidate him but I hope he gets over it. And well thats thats.

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That must have been very hard for you, but i thin you did the right thing when you called him. It's important to be on the same page and you never know he might change his mind. Sometimes i wish everything would go according to plan because cousin love is so stressful and painful! Ugh! I wish it was easy. Have you told anyone yet?Like your family members?

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Yeah it was hard. I remember being told here that communication is important and I didn't want us to drift apart. Sigh, I wish it was easy too but I knew it was going to be hard the moment I realized my feelings for him. Yes, I told someone. The only person that knows is my best friend and she completely supports me but I don't want to tell her we "broke up" because it hasn't been long. Other then her, none of my family members know and Im planning on keeping that way. Until then, him and me are just texting each other but not like we used to. :(

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Don't feel bad...I'm in the same situation except it was her that decided to take the break. I honestly am not ashamed in the least of loving her.  I would have walked to the ends of the earth and back for herI've already opened up to my mom who was very accepting as was her mom. I don't think God has a problem with two people who are not closely related loving and caring for one another. So, faith was never an issue for me. Life is too short to worry about such things. In the end, I just want her to be happy in life....hopefully in my arms...  :-\

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Thanks Dkg. At first when he broke it off, I didn't handle very well but I kind of became aware that it could happen again. Although this time I beat him to the punch because I knew he wasn't feeling "us". Don't know if that made sense...but anyways I totally feel the same. I just want him to be happy and wish him the best in life. Dkg I don't know your whole story but I hope your cousin comes around one of these days. I have faith that both of our cousins will...

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No, I understand completely. The same thing happened with me. Back in July she was having doubts about the relationship and wanted to take a break and only be friends I told her that I loved her too much to only see her as a friend and that I would need time away from her and that I hoped she would find the happiness I could not give her in another man (and I meant it). The fact I would give her up to another man for her happiness well, that made her breakdown completely and she saw me as "the only one for her" and told me that she could not see herself ever being with another man.

We were happy and got back together....well, it wasn't long until I started to feel the effects of her not feeling "us" as she was becoming more and more busy with school about the start. We still talked but not nearly as much and then when plans for my trip fell through and she seemed more "relieved" than upset about it I confronted her on it. A few days later I asked her how the weather was, she didn't want to talk about it, I persuaded the question and she became angry for thinking I was trying to throw it in her face that the weather was fine and I ended up cancelling the trip for nothing. She wanted to abruptly end our convo....I wanted to talk it out....7 days later after being given the silent treatment my promise ring was mailed back to me. *you can read my original post on here*....we had a slight misunderstanding that led to a breakup, but I'm sure it had a lot more to do with her having doubts again about the 2nd cousin thing as she brought up issues such as what would we tell our child, what would the church community think, etc etc....she tends to overanalyze a lot of situations, we both do....but I'm hoping she still loves me and that together we can find a way to get over the possible stigmas.

My belief is that when two people, against all odds, find each other in life and truly love and accept each other for who they are, they simply have to play the hand they were dealt. Life is just too short to cheat yourself out of spending and sharing it with the love of your life. I'm sure I could find someone else, as could she, but why settle for someone else just because it would be easier? Often the things most worth having in life never do come easy, and require a great deal of compromise and sacrifice....I often wish I could show or tell her that

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My belief is that when two people, against all odds, find each other in life and truly love and accept each other for who they are, they simply have to play the hand they were dealt. Life is just too short to cheat yourself out of spending and sharing it with the love of your life. I'm sure I could find someone else, as could she, but why settle for someone else just because it would be easier? Often the things most worth having in life never do come easy, and require a great deal of compromise and sacrifice....I often wish I could show or tell her that

I think the same. I wish my cousin realized this too. Im not sure what to do with his wihtdrawal but Dkg do you think it would be if I just let him do his own thing? He is the first guy to ever get to me and I don't know how to deal with guys in he first place.  Maybe I should just let it go...for his sake and for mine.

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I think the same. I wish my cousin realized this too. Im not sure what to do with his wihtdrawal but Dkg do you think it would be if I just let him do his own thing? He is the first guy to ever get to me and I don't know how to deal with guys in he first place.  Maybe I should just let it go...for his sake and for mine.

I'm just curious but what are your situations? Are u both in school? Working? Ages? Do u live close or far from each other? I'm not going to pretend I have the answer but I could give you a better response with a clearer picture of your circumstances.

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Well we both live with our parents, 20, and in college. He works at night and we don't really live far away from each other. Wow just writing this down makes me realize that maybe it's not the right time. He just has so much gong on and I...I just asking too much.

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Just to update. Don't know if anyone is reading this but eh I need to vent. XD

So its been more then two weeks and things between us are strange. I cant really explain how strange, its like we talk but superficially. He just completely stopped calling me certain nicknames and saying affectionate things. Its like he completely threw away all his feelings that he had for me. I feel like we are back to square one again. For example, I cant call him by the usual name that I do. I can't say I love him. I can't be or say anything affectionate because now I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I''ll be rejected.

We still text everyday like I still text him good morning and wish him a good day. Also, he does ask me how I am and how my day was. Although yesterday was the first time he didn't respond to my texts and I thought it was over. I sent it in the morning and throughout the day I was in shock and sad but then he sent me a goodnight text. I looked at it, said goodnight and also asked if he got my messages. He said yes but sorry because he fell asleep and then forgot. My responds was cold and he immediately asked if i was mad with a sad face. I lied and said no and returned to my usual tone.  I wished him a good night and that was that.

I don't know what we are doing now. Sometimes I get the feeling that he is just running away from this. I am willing to be patient and just continue on with this "friendship" because I want to be there for him. It just pains me to know that we took 8 steps back. Thinking back now, things were hard when I kept my love for him  hidden. Now its a totally different. More difficult.

Sigh, this may be a foolish thought but I still have hope. I hope that one day he'll give us a chance again and I'll be patient. I'll suffer in silence if I have to. However if he doesn't respond then I am willing to just stay alone. But honestly Im just leaving it all to the hands of God. Whatever God chooses, I will humbly accept.

Anyways sorry for the rant and thanks for all of those who read this.

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Hi Bluebird,

I have a similar situation except that we are a lot older and reconnected after 30 yrs. Anyway, after he turned up the heat, he just as quickly turned it down, a lot. We went from texting or talking every day to now maybe twice a week. It is he who contacts me, I have backed off completely since he has rejected "us". But as with you, there is no more flirting or sweet talk etc. I have accepted that he doesn't want a romantic relationship, but it is very difficult for me. I have contemplated asking him to no longer contact me so I can get over him, but right now I still want whatever little connection we have. I'm still weaning myself off slowly, but one day I plan to be over him even though I will probably always love him.

I understand why you want frequent contact w/him, I did too at first, but it is what feeds your hope, as it did mine. Perhaps cool things off even more and see if he comes around when he realizes how much of an important part of his life you are to him. Just a suggestion.

Best wishes and best of luck to you.

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Thanks Emily and Im sorry to hear that your in a similar situation.

Yesterday I decided to cut off the communication. It was late at night so I texted him a brief message. Not my style but I couldn't wait till the morning. Sigh, so far he hasn't texted back anything. Also, I think Im going to refrain myself from coming to this website and just focus all of my energy on school. But thanks to everyone who has commented and read this. Thanks CC.

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Just to update. Don't know if anyone is reading this but eh I need to vent. XD

So its been more then two weeks and things between us are strange. I cant really explain how strange, its like we talk but superficially. He just completely stopped calling me certain nicknames and saying affectionate things. Its like he completely threw away all his feelings that he had for me. I feel like we are back to square one again. For example, I cant call him by the usual name that I do. I can't say I love him. I can't be or say anything affectionate because now I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I''ll be rejected.

We still text everyday like I still text him good morning and wish him a good day. Also, he does ask me how I am and how my day was. Although yesterday was the first time he didn't respond to my texts and I thought it was over. I sent it in the morning and throughout the day I was in shock and sad but then he sent me a goodnight text. I looked at it, said goodnight and also asked if he got my messages. He said yes but sorry because he fell asleep and then forgot. My responds was cold and he immediately asked if i was mad with a sad face. I lied and said no and returned to my usual tone.  I wished him a good night and that was that.

I don't know what we are doing now. Sometimes I get the feeling that he is just running away from this. I am willing to be patient and just continue on with this "friendship" because I want to be there for him. It just pains me to know that we took 8 steps back. Thinking back now, things were hard when I kept my love for him  hidden. Now its a totally different. More difficult.

Sigh, this may be a foolish thought but I still have hope. I hope that one day he'll give us a chance again and I'll be patient. I'll suffer in silence if I have to. However if he doesn't respond then I am willing to just stay alone. But honestly Im just leaving it all to the hands of God. Whatever God chooses, I will humbly accept.

Anyways sorry for the rant and thanks for all of those who read this.

Its not foolish to have hope and like my cousin told me "if its meant to be, its meant to be". I texted my cousin in the morning as usual with my good morning text and she didnt reply either. Now i just wait i guess. The waiting and patience sucks which is ironic because im a fisherman lol. I wish you the best  :ok:
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Warning I am going to vent a bit so please bear with me.

Okay so I contacted him after telling myself that I wouldn't. Afterwards we had a brief talk about "us" and he admitted that we would work if we weren't related. What I got from this talk was pretty much that there is nothing left. By nothing I mean the presence of the man I fell in love with.

For weeks I have been the one to send the first text and it makes me feel so empty. I know he told me he changed but I didn't realized how much. It is like he forgot everything and left me hanging. Now...now im just hopeless. Now Im just mourning for my shattered heart and my love. Now I am crying out all the misery, all the dreams, and all the love i have in me.

Its hard and Im sorry if I sound really depress. I just need a place to express my feelings then Ill feel better. Ill learn to smile again. I know I will.  I have other things to do. Its time for me to start thinking about my education and my religion more.

He turned his back and walked away from my love, from "us". I became stuck to the spot we both shared but well now im unstuck. Time to move on with life. Time to trust God with all of my sadness and love.

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An update.

Im not sure where to start so I apologize ahead of time.

Well a week after writing my last post I visited my cousin and we talked about us. I can say that it was hard to talk about "us" because he made it clear to me via text that we wouldn't work. Although the talk was difficult, we cleared some issues. In the end we decided to develop our family relationship and nothing else. (I hope that made sense XD) So we stopped calling each other intimate names and attempted to move toward a different type of relationship. BUT...that didn't last.

The last time I saw him we cuddled. He held me tight and I did the same. Both of us not saying a word. It was sweet.

Now where are we now? I am not sure. Once again my cousin and I have to have another talk. When will this be? Well hopefully soon! Until then, I am just going to keep focusing on school and go with the flow.

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Stay strong ! I'm going through something similar. if its meant to be it'll work out. try and live every day with a smile on your face and don't let this get your down or take your happiness away from you. probably easier said than done because you probably have questions and don't knpq the answers to. But just remember there are many of us who are probably in the same boat as you. I know I am so don't feel alone. keep smiling. We are all here for you. keep us updated. and remember if its meant to be it'll work out :)

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Hey everyone!

Just an update. Things have been okay I guess you can say. My cousin and I finally had another talk about our situation. This talk really helped clear more things up and I found out something that I wish I hadn't sometimes. Its not bad or anything. Anyways, we talked and I basically asked him what he wants from this relationship. He wants a family relationship. Well I accepted that because I said that i'll be want he wants me to be. Whether be a cousin, a friend, or a girl. Now this is harder said then done but I thought about what making an attempt.

Although its easier now because my cousin shattered all of my hope when he rejected my Valentine gift. With that rejection I decided to just give up and be his cousin. Ever since then I think I changed...became more distant maybe. Why I think that is because we talk on the phone more then we ever did before. And another thing he still calls me by an intimate nickname. (I recently started to do the same...a moment of weakness i guess) That also boggles my mind.

Sigh, sometimes I think he is resisting so much that his feelings leaks out as strange as that sounds. Its like he is doing his best in keeping it "family" and I try too but those moments of affections just throw me off.

Any comments or suggestions are great because Im going to see him soon.

Thanks!

P.S. Mystory...wow that made me cry more because I was just about to post this when I saw your comment. Thanks so much...its just so hard...sometimes I just want to end it all....but thank you so much for reminding me that other people are going through something similar. I will smile and keep on swimming!

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Awww no don't cry sweetie!! :(  I know its very hard to be just ' cousins ' when you share something together that's more than just being cousins. I know what it feels like. me and my x bf / cousin aren't even talking at all now. (hopefully things will change) but let me know how it goes when you go see him. So what is it that he wants ? does he want to be with you ? does he just want to be just cousins and nothing more ?

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Aww Im sorry to hear that. :( Hopefully that does change.

He wants to be cousins. But sometimes I think he doesn't mean it. It is like that is the only opinion we have. Like its the only thing we can be. He has a habit of saying, "I know BLANK it won't happen.." as if its impossible. I hope that makes sense.

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Why does he feel it won't happen ? it sure as hell can if he wants it ! does he have feelings for you ?

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I dont really know why but I think it would be because we are cousin. Yes, he has feelings for me but like I said he resist them. I remember him saying something like he can't allow himself to act on those feelings.

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