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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest mitch

cousin can't take the shame and morality after few months

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Hello,

I am a 29 year old male.  I met my cousin once removed about a year ago who is 28, we never knew each other existed because the father (my cousin) left her and only now did he meet her and introduce her to the family.  So we didn't know each other existed until now (basically strangers).  She actually lives over 6000 miles away (woohoo..) She was here and there was instant attraction, physically and emotionally, and it was like a perfect match.  She was in my country (USA) for about a year and we talked a lot and hung out a few times.  Then i went to visit her for about a month but i was "family" so nothing really happened.  We eventually confessed to each other and it was the greatest trip! We discussed it would be difficult and that we know but it will be worth it.  I've never felt closer and more confident about something in my life.  4 months later (now) she is feeling like nobody will ever accept it (nobody knows), her friends who I have met are now "talking about it" and she does not feel happy about it.

She has told me that she just can't do this anymore because she can't take people talking about her like that and she's afraid of not being accepted by her family.  I'm not sure what I can do to help her.  She already knows all the facts about the bible, immigration, birth defects, etc.  So I guess it is the social stigma.

I feel a bit bad about this because I don't feel that I am worth any/all of the trouble, but I feel that she is and am struggling to understand why not then.

Any advice?

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i'd say bring her here, but if she already knows all the facts and is still haunted by social stigma, there's not much you can do. but she'll never be happy in her life if she keeps letting society dictate her choices in life.

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Ten years ago after already being in a secret relationship for years, my cousin decided that the social stigma and uncertainty of our family's reactions was too much to risk for our relationship.  Our relationship has been very emotionally turbulent since we confessed our feelings of love to each other way back in the day.  We still see each other for family functions, and it's sometimes awkward (less awkward as time goes on), but we deal with it. 

We both have our own families now, and I know he isn't happy.  He regrets that one big chance he blew, of course; but over time, we've both come to terms with it. 

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