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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Lady K

I need answers even if it hurts

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Guest Lady K

When Mr. X had appeared I was living in a very difficult phase of my life. He switched on every single light of my life and my life became brighter than ever. I was never happy like this before. He made me want to live my life not just survive.

Thus, the sky actually fell on me when I've found out my mother and Mr.X?s mother?s mother were sisters. His grandmother moved away from her family long ago. His parents are living abroad for a long time. His mother has seldom visited her side of the family. I have never met his mother. I and Mr. X didn?t know we were related.

I'm pregnant. It's not planned. For a moment I was the the happiest woman on the planet. I and my deceased husband tried to have a child on our own for a long period of time. I was told that I was inhospitable. I tried everything. I tried every suggestion I was given. I tried Homeopath, herbal, voodoo, faith healers, religious preachers etc. etc. The result was the same.

Now I?m in a situation I can?t describe. I don?t want to lose this baby. But a different thought is killing me ... Should this baby be born ... Sometime I think I should disappear completely from Mr. X?s life.

Have I and Mr. X crossed a line from which we should have stayed far away?

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First of all, let me reassure you that you have done no wrong.  Please take a deep breath, and go over our site to get the true information about cousin relationships.  There is too much misinformation about cousins and we do all we can to clarify things for you. 

The idea that cousins have a greater chance of birth defects comes from erroneous information and political fallacies dating back to the 1800s.  Current scientific information is much more accurate and true.

There are laws in some states reflecting this misinformation.  Other states have no such laws.  I live in Florida and cousins may legally marry here. 

You  may opt for genetic counseling - which we recommend even for unrelated couples.  But I think you should look upon your pregnancy as the true blessing which it is. 

Do keep us informed on how you are doing.



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Lady K

Don't confuse "Should this baby be born?" with "Should I disappear from my cousin's life?".  The baby is coming in a few short months and will be a blessing to you, if you are willing to receive the blessing.

You've given no indication that you are unhappy with your cousin relationship.  Is there something other than the cousin factor that is making you doubt your relationship?  I don't really need to know the details, but it is important in your own decision making process.  As Nattana said, you have done nothing wrong.  There is nothing wrong with cousin romances.  I'm involved with my first cousin, and unlike you, I KNEW he was my cousin from the get-go :cheesy:

Try to remember the light that was brought to your life when he came into your life.  It sounds to me like that's a positive thing! 

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If I am reading this correctly, you and your cousin are first cousins once removed.

That is less "related" than first cousins and "just a tad" more related than second cousins.

What that means for you is that you two are about as genetically related as a couple of strangers

that happened to meet.

As Serendipity said see this baby as the blessing it is and remember the wonderful feelings your cousin

brought into your life.  You HAVE NOT overstepped any boundaries. But do look over the site, read the stories

and the legal section. We do not give legal advice here, but there is lots of state laws and statutes here.

I think you two are probably good to go just about anywhere. But if you have questions, by all means

contact a family lawyer and get the real scoop on things.

Seeking a genetic counselor is a good idea just for your own peace of mind, but is not

mandatory for this baby to be born healthy and happy and loved.

One question I have that I am not sure I understood is~~ How does MR. X feel about the pregnancy and the baby's arrival?

He needs to be informed if you haven't yet and to be in on decisions if he so chooses.

Best wishes to you all.

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Guest Lady K

I didn't think about genetic counseling, birth defects, erroneous information, political fallacies or law up until I read the replies. All I?m thinking he?s my cousin?s son. Who knows . . . if I and his mother were close we could have been like sisters just like one of my other cousins is my sister. He would have called me something then.

He?s a very nice man. He knows "I?ll never be a mother". He doesn't care. I was actually planning to propose him on his birthday (June) instead of waiting for him. He says he doesn't care about the cousin factor but he?ll leave if I want. 

I have not told him about my pregnancy. Why? I don?t know. I want him to stay. I day dream . . . a child . . . trying to stand up . . . baby crib next to my bed . . . The facts that we are related and how we are related are not going away from my mind. What I really want? I have no clue. 

Any first cousin once removed couple here? Child (-ren)? How are you guys doing?

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Sounds like you have to tell him some news and soon!

He has a right to know there is a child on the way.

If he is not worried about the cousin factor that is a plus.

It is a little late for you to let it bother you now.

He will forever be in your life,even though he would be as a cousin,

now there is a different twist to things.

This is not something you can keep a secret for long.

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