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Guest confused~in~cali

I'm so weak!

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My cousin and i have been on and off for the past 10 years, it all started when i was 16 and he 18.  Three years ago we had an affair, when it ended i was very heartbroken so i promised myself that never again would i but myself or my family through this again.  My husband doesnt know about us or my affair and the guilt ate at me for a long time.  A couple of months ago my cousin and i started talking again, things got crazy so i decide to avoid him as much as possible, no calling or texting.  I was doing ok then he showed up at my house on Monday.  I got home from school and found him hanging out with my husband.  Did i mention he and my hubby are good friends?  This of course makes this situation so my worst. I knew the moment i saw him that night that something was going to happen between us.  The next morning we talked and i swore to myself up and down that nothing would happen, i had been strong a couple of months ago i knew i could do it again.  I told myself we are only going to talk and get things out in the open.  We did.  He told me he loved me more than i would ever know.  He told me he's had feelings for me ever since we first me when we were 13 and 15.  I told him i was afraid of getting hurt again, his indifference, his faullanting of other women in front of my face, all that kills me.  He said i was also afraid i getting hurt.  What have i ever dont to hurt him??  When have i ever hurt him?  I asked, and asked and asked.  Finally he said, WHEN YOU GOT MARRIED!  Oh!  He never said anything during the time i was dating my husband, why didnt he tell me he still had feelings for me then??  Maybe i wouldnt have gotten married, maybe i wouldnt be cheating on my husband again!!!  Yes we ended up sleeping together.  When i saw my husband later that day i felt horrible.  While i was in my cousin's arms i didnt think about my family once, not my kids not my husband.  I'm so weak when it comes to him.  I don't know what to do. On sunday i had made a decision to just live my life peacefully with my husband, to make things between us work, because i do love him and he is a good man, but then my cousin shows up the next day and everything goes to sh%t!!  Is it possible to love two people? What have i done? I've messed everything up again. 

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Is it possible to love two people? 

Of course it is possible to love more than one person.

It is also possible to be highly attracted to people or behaviors that are destructive to your well-being. Think of it similar to smoking and knowing that it is damaging to your health and others around you.

The solution is to get some professional help in understanding your own motivations and needs. There is something in your background that makes you vulnerable to breaking your own resolve. It isn't that you are weak, but that you have needs that you don't understand. Knowledge of your own self will give you the tools to live peacefully and joyfully in accordance with your own inner being.

Ninety-four to ninety-six percent of humanity are vulnerable beings. Do not lament that you are one if this huge group, nor should you be content to be in the majority. Life can be so much more joyful to those who strive to be self-actualizing.

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It is amazing that one of the most beautiful emotions can also be the most destructive. It is very possible to love two people.

I know this first hand, but also know how deeply it can tear you apart. You don't even need to express your feelings openly to both parties to feel the pain.

I felt ashamed that I could let my emotions take hold of me in such a raw, consuming way. They have got the better of me, and though I cant control them I can try to understand them. It will take alot of time and effort but hopefully it will also bring me peace.

I guess what Im trying to say - badly lol - is that you cant help who you fall in love with, be it one person or two or more, it is all possible, and you are not alone with it.

You dont have to feel you are drowning in your emotions, as we can be your floatation device.

Sorry if i havnt made sense lol x

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I love Macky's response to this. I know this is a very old post, but I like to reread posts from a long time ago to find advice. This one matched my situation perfectly to how I feel sometimes. (About myself that is).

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