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I posted a topic here before about my cousin and how I was planning to go to another country (her country) to visit and wanted to let her know how I felt. Well, those details aren't really that important now but basicallly, a tragedy has occurred.

Her mother (my aunt) was a golden person to me my entire life. I never had one bad memory of her or heard one bad story from her. We've only had good memories...well, when she found out my feelings for her daughter, everything absolutely changed.

My aunt found out about 5 months ago but there were many misunderstandings about my intentions. She absolutely did not allow me to explain anything and seemed to fill my cousin's head with whatever her perspective of the situation was. They became very distant and eventually cut all communication with me, refusing to even visit my grandparents (that I live with) just because I happen to be there. I got very frustrated at the entire situation and tried to do whatever I could to convey the truth about some things. I texted both of them multiple times, asking to sit down and talk like people because misunderstandings can only be resolved through discussion. My aunt's response was that there isn't any misunderstanding, that she just doesn't want to talk to me. The more I sent, the worse it seemed to get. If I send anything to my cousin, even if it's a happy holidays wishing her well, or an attempt to apologize, her mom immediately would call the house and yell at my grandparents.

She refuses to talk to me now. If she sees me on the street or has to come to the house for some emergency reason, she pretends that I don't even exist, even if I talk directly to her. My cousin is in another city studying for school but I'm hearing that she is afraid to even come back to her city (for her birthday and other events) because of my presence. This must be her mom's doing, poisoning her head with lies.

I found out that my aunt is absolutely not the person I thought she was and I'm in complete shock. She lies so much, not just to me but also to anyone that attempts to help me by talking to them. I have multiple relatives that support me on this...perhaps not love for my cousin but they support that I had only good intentions, that misunderstandings need to be talked about and not hidden under the carpet, and that she has gone way too far with this. She basically yells at all of them and tells them not to tell her what to think and do and that's that.

I think my aunt is afraid that this could destroy her reputation. She has a relatively large reputation in the town. She has already cut multiple other relatives out of her life that happened to support me. She recently talked to my mom, who she has been close with her entire life (pretty much like sisters) and the argument did not go well. My aunt asked to speak to my cousin and my aunt just refused it and started yelling and my mom got very upset and basicallly said she doesn't want to see her again. Before that, my aunt told my mom that if i leave Bulgaria, that maybe she will talk to me. I believe this is a lie, that she is only really interested in me leaving and that anything afterwards that happens where the relationship is "fixed", will just be fake.

To be honest, my aunt has shown herself to be exactly the opposite of who I thought she is and I don't want anything to do with someone like this...At various points throughout this tragedy, I was ready to forgive my aunt but the way things are now, there is just no way I can forgive this, even if somehow my aunt decides to apologize to me. With my cousin though, I don't know what to do...I feel that even though my cousin disagrees with my feelings on her own, that her mom fed her a ton of nonsense and has twisted her way of thinking towards me, to the point where she is afraid of me.

This has absolutely tore me apart as a person. To come with only good intentions and to be viewed as if I'm some criminal, rapist or murderer, particularly by people I loved, is devastating. I cried every day for the last few months. I have even attempted suicide. This is the only thing I think about now, it has completely consumed me. I'm not the person i used to be anymore, I'm completely broken. I don't know how I can ever recover from this to be honest. My mom tells me to come home so she can help me through this but her idea of help isn't what I have in mind...she feels that my feelings for my cousin, is something I need help with and I disagree. I need help dealing with this tragedy and what her aunt has done to me...I've become so consumed by hate now towards her, I don't know what to do. I haven't found anything that makes me happy anymore...and anything new that occurs regarding this tragedy is just more negative. Nothing positive seems to happen.


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