• Announcements

    • KC

      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

      Be informed on better ways to stay safe on the web -- Source: Mozilla
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Kylie123

Will it get easier?

This topic has had no activity within the past six months. It is recommended that you start a new topic instead of replying to old topics.

5 posts in this topic

So a few years ago, I had sex with my cousin. I regret it today, in a way because of how it has changed us. Family functions are so hard. Everytime I see him I just get so sad. I wonder how long it will take before I can feel comfortable again around family.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can only say I really hope it will.

I was also in a sexual relationship with my cousin, I wish I could say romantic relationship but I don't believe it ever got to be that substantial for him.

We agreed to 'go back' to where we were before we 'crossed the line'. So, we'll be polite, smile at each other and possibly even laugh together.

We won't talk about it, we'll pretend it never happened. I know I still have feelings for him, but he has no clue. I haven't forgiven him yet, but that's ok, he doesn't care. Whatever is on his mind on the subject, I have no clue and will never know.

My recipe is a fake one. Smile and be happy. Like confidence, fake it 'til you make it. I don't want to be resentful. I surely do not want to become a bitter person. I hope I will find someone who truly loves me and that I can love as much in return. I hope that one day, my cousin will truly be just my cousin or at least that facing him won't have such an impact on me.

It can only be the same or get easier right? Time is meant to help, not make things harder... right?

*Oh and I don't know if this will apply to you, but regret is negative. I don't regret what happened because if I was in that moment again, I'd do it all over. The complications from us being cousins were there from the get go, it wasn't enough to stop us then. So, in case you are a little bit like me, work on focusing on moving on and looking for other things to make you happy, don't regret anything. All the best!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with the above. For me it is not easier but hoping someday. The problem I guess is when it's family you can't ever truly walk away as there are always things that connect you. And it's sad when you cross that line if it changes everything. It did for me and my cousin. I still think about him all the time and wish he was with me but he lives very far away and met someone else so I just try to be happy for him.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Kylie123, welcome back!  You haven't shared much in the line of details, so I don't know how old either you or your cousin are now or how old you were at the time.  Are you still with your boyfriend?  I am curious why you feel sad.  Is it because you love your cousin romantically but can't give in to a romantic relationship or is it because you are reminded of having done something you wish you had not done and could undo?  Neither is necessarily a bad answer... just curious which it is.

No matter what the case, I encourage you not to harbor regret.  Use experiences as learning points.  No one died from it so there's no reason to regret it if you learned something constructive.

You will have to get used to a new "normal".  That means that you won't feel comfortable in the same way you used to when he is around.  It DOES NOT mean that you can't find a new "comfortable".  I don't know how much the rest of your family knows, but that certainly plays a part.  Do the others treat you any differently? 

A few years ago, you said you'd gotten with your cousin twice.  Have you since then or was it only those times?  I ask that because it is important for you to know the truth about how likely you are to give in to any remaining temptation to do it again.  I mean, are you physically attracted to your cousin but resisting urges to give in to that?  Or are you only having feelings of guilt and have no remaining attraction?

I guess I've asked more questions than I've tried to answer... sorry :)

CM

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

CM, yes, I'm back :) I am still with my boyfriend. My cousin and I are 30. I can't pinpoint why I am so sad around him. I guess It's because it's a constant reminder of what we did when I see him. His mother at a family function kept wanting me to sit next to him too, which made it awkward. I didn't but she kept telling me to go talk to him. She's like " she can talk to him online, but doesn't say anything to him now" to my other family members I heard.

Since what happened with my cousin, we have not done anything since. I feel happy with my boyfriend, and my choice to be with my boyfriend. It's not a longing to be with my cousin. It's just uncomfortable to be around him in front of other family. My whole immediate family suspected, and found out about us through his facebook. Though when he does leave, I do miss him. He since my other posts lives in a different city.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your content will need to be approved by a moderator

Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   You have pasted content with formatting.   Remove formatting

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0