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mperez0729

New here-being pushed to make a choice

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My cousin and I have been living together since the end of March. I moved out a week ago because I told my 27 year old daughter a month ago after she asked me alot of questions and I couldn't lie (I wish I had). She says that if I continue my relationship with my cousin that she will no longer have me in her life and I won't be able to see my grandkids. My cousin and I continue to see each other and I want to move back in and he wants me to but my kids are important to me too. So is he... how can I choose?

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I would tell your bullying, controlling, blackmailer of a daughter to get over it. 

You are an adult, you have the right to have your own life. 

Pick up a copy of the book:  NASTY PEOPLE:  HOW TO STOP BEING HURT BY THEM WITHOUT STOOPING TO THEIR LEVEL by Dr. Jay Carter and read it with your cousin. 

Keep posting here and read other stories.

Good luck.

HUGS

Nat

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Thanks that is what my cousin says... he isnt close to his family or kids except his youngest who is still with him every other week. I think I see his mom more than he does when I go to visit family. I'm used to spending every holiday with my kids, parents and relatives, he is not.

We wouldn't be able to spend holidays together with family...especially my kids. I guess I have a lot to think about, I would really miss that.

We are both over 50 and really don't have time to waste on what everyone else feels... so torn

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Do you have other children?  What is their reaction?  Other relatives? 

Why has your daughter reacted this way?  Does she have a financial reason for wanting to control you?

HUGS

Nat

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My daughter is so upset because it is wrong and it makes her sick to think that I'm with him. My 18 yr old cried and yelled at me but since has calmed down knowing that I was moving out. My 2 boys don't know, one of them hasn't talked to me in 3 yrs for other reasons. Our parents don't know and no other family but my brother who supports me. None of my cousins immediate family either. We want to be together...we have both been through 3 marriages and have finally found a lot of common in each other.

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My 30+ year old children reacted harshly when I opened up about my relationship.

I quickly told them that I wasn't looking for their approval. When younger I may have reacted differently, but in my 50's I ain't looking for anyone's approval.

My family has come to terms with things. Their world hasn't come to an end, and things are much better now.

I was quite surprised at the younger family members being less accepting than my older relatives? It's been quite a ride...

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Thank you, I know I need to make a decision for my cousins happiness and mine. No matter how I look at it it's him or my kids... I would like to believe that they will come around. I want to be selfish and only think about my happiness...

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your child will come around eventually. right now, like nat says, she's being controlling and bullying. let me ask you something.... in the past, has she bullied you to get her way in other things? if so, then you've set a pattern that needs to be stopped now. and if not, well, you need to show her that it's not going to work now. you might remind her that you loved her unconditionally through all the CRAP that she put you through in her earlier years, and that if she can't love you as unconditionally, then you pity her children and the life they will have.

live your life for you. do NOT let this adult child manipulate you this way. she'll get over it, and be a whole lot better off for it. (and even if she didn't get over it, she'd be better off not getting away with this behaviour.)

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My daughter, her husband and kids live with her Dad and she babysits him (he drinks a lot), she thinks that I need that from her too. I've let her know that unconditional is just that and I get "but your my mom". She is embrassed and says she can't deal with this. When I moved in with my cousin she said she couldn't believe I chose him over her. I let her know that I didn't choose she chose for me and that it isn't my choice not to have her in my life. I'm not asking her to accept anything or spend time with him. I'm still the same person and I would still

visit her like I always do. My kids live 4 hours away from me. I go once or twice a month to see them. My personal life is mine.

I consider myself a strong woman and I've passed that on to my girls. I have always tried to be there for them, I for sure am not up for mother of the year. Ive made choices in my life that they have not approved of and to her this is the icing on the cake.

When I moved out I talked with her and she asked me if I was totally done with him and that I wasn't going to see him at all. I said yes and she said good because I miss my mom and I needed you last week...

I'm glad I found this website and I appreciate all the feedback. I know my cousin loves me and we've talked about marriage... I wish we weren't related and that this wasn't so difficult. It feels good to be here and see that I'm not crazy for how I feel and there are so many others going through the same emotions. When we are together we don't look at each other and say your my cousin, we look at each other as life partners and two people in love and happy together. What a crazy life...

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She's "embarrassed and can't deal with it"?????  aw gee what a major problem!!!!  She must think you will generate as much publicity as the Kardashians!!  lol

She thinks she needs to babysit with you as she does with her father?  Hummm.......  does she have any idea of reality? 

Do please get a copy of the NP book as soon as possible - I know you can get it for a kindle from Amazon. 

So you should give up happiness because she is embarrassed?  If I had the good fortune to be in your shoes, I'd tell her goodbye until she figures out that she does not have the right to destroy your life and happiness. 

Have you told your cousin about our site?  Do invite him to join us!  lol

HUGS

Nat 

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wait... you lied to her and told her you had ended things with your cousin so that she would let you back in your life?

get on the phone, right now, and tell her you are considering spending the rest of your life with your cousin, and that if she doesn't like it, you'll miss her. QUIT allowing her to dictate your life. she deserves a good hard spanking for acting like a spoiled brat that gets to tell you what to do. and if you allow her this much control, you might need a good hard spanking too. you're not doing her (or your grandchildren) any favors by letting her manipulate you. tell her you're happy with your cousin, and that is the END of the discussion. if need be, hang up on her. do NOT let her continue to bully you.

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Thanks Nat, I did talk to my cousin last nite about your site. He was interested and we talked about it through dinner. He's really being supportive and patient... when all he really wants is to live the rest of his life with me. Hes been alone for the last 12 years and hates it. My daughter has been put in a wife roll with her Dad and shame on him for making his daughter feel like she has to take care of him. I've told her I don't need her to take care of me.

LadyC, I didn't actually lie I did move out and end it but that didn't last long. I went to get some boxes from his house and we started talking and now we are seeing each other again. In fact, I rented a room with a couple of other ladies when I moved out. This week I am actually staying at my cousins... it feels great! I want to move back and he wants me to come home. I haven't talked to my daughter much and I haven't seen her since all of this started. I really just want to move on with my life and be happy. My boyfriend (cousin) says we will handle whatever comes our way together. We introduce ourselves as bf and gf since we started dating. We don't live around family so here it is a simple life. They are all at least 4 hours away.

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well i wouldn't be so quick to dump shame on your ex for making his daughter feel like she has to take care of him. i can promise you this.... she's eating up every minute of "taking care" (i.e. controlling) him. for whatever reason, she feels entitled and superior because her father, and (in her mind) her mother, are incompetent human beings.

tell her you're resuming your relationship with your cousin and that it is not up for discussion. let her know that you are telling her only as a courtesy, and that she is to keep her opinions to herself. if she really keeps your grandchildren away from you, then pity your grandchildren and pray for your daughter, but don't buckle to this blackmail or you'll be empowering her all the more, and that is not healthy for ANYone in the family.... including (and especially) her children.

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I'm confused? I posted a reply about an hour ago and somebody deleted it. Why can't you at least send me a message if you have a problem with what I posted. This is not right.

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i haven't seen anything you posted other than this.... and to my knowledge, no other admin has deleted it. perhaps there was a glitch and the post didn't go through? who are you thinking deleted it?

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I didnt see one from you either Pepe, please post again.

Thanks LadyC, I appreciate you insite. My bf leaves for Alaska in 2 weeks and he will be gone for 6 weeks, I would like to resolve this before he leaves.

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