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What drew you to your cousin?

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Looking back over the last ten years I have always loved Laura... We have always had a special connection at many lunches, family gatherings, and she has consulted for me on occasion doing several projects together and I always felt closer to "my cousin" than my other relatives (her mom was my fave aunt).  I didn't know then that I loved her but it is pretty clear now as I interpret my feelings then from today's viewpoint.

We have both had rough marriages one of us in a sexless marriage and drawn out divorce and the other married to.... well a manipulative psychopath that tried to pin his frauds on his supporting wife so that he could beat the rap.. Spending most of the last two years in jail he will return to jail in a couple of months for another almost 4 years..Both of us divorcing and more drama than I  really want to get into.. But at last it looks like we might find happiness..!  And if five years from now I look back and think how incredible it has been together then I won't even give the previous years a single thought as I look forward to a lifetime of bliss!

I'm an older (50) a bit overweight bear of a man, and successful in my field and own business. She is a successful business woman of 32, svelte and looks like a 25 year old runway  model.  Attempting to help Laura when she needed things fixed at her home, on her car, needed a place to stay or just someone to talk to about the psychopath jailbird husband.  She was a shoulder for me to cry on when I was in pain with my divorce after so many years (20) of dysfunctional marriage.  This has lasted off and on for a couple of years I think as I did what I like to do best "help people" and she helped me feel better about myself.

In the early Spring (March) we took a trip to see my parents out of state after connecting as cousins and friends I wanted to show her the beach, mountains and natural beauty of the Northwest. On one of these short excursions up the beautiful Columbia river I remember looking over at Laura as she was framed against the bridge at the base of Bridal Veil Falls and realized that I had fallen hard and was in trouble..I hadn't wanted to look at the "cousin thing" and had avoided it pretty completely. She was just so beautiful, vulnerable & truly amazing to me at that moment..! All of my protective and caring instincts were awakened and I remember thinking.. "Oh Sh..! You are in serious trouble!"

The falls moment was a game changer for me.. Prior to really recognizing what I felt for Laura I think that I was really just hoping that I would go home to God rather quickly and never planned on another marriage or woman in my life (I have had two).  I thought that working with my charity that is part of our business, helping my work team and work family and trying to do as much good in my life as I could was going to take up my time and how I thought  I would end out however long I had to endure here on earth.

Returning home from our Oregon trip we continued to go to dinner, movies, drives, work on projects etc. and talked (a lot!).  During this period I started working out every day for 40-60 minutes (and lost 23lbs) Fighting it out in my mind, reading articles and books (and this website) and coming to the conclusion that I knew some really happy cousins that are married and have amazing family lives I knew I would never be happy if I didn't deal with this head on.. I have never been a coward or let what other people thought control my actions.

During a business trip to a nearby city a few weeks later that took the whole day I had asked Laura to come along.. I finally said what was on my mind.. " Laura I was never ever going to get married unless it was a true I can't live without you love match..! A match that was incredible and splendid".  I wasn't certain if she felt about me like I felt about her or not when I said this.  She is always modestly reserved but her eyes are very expressive :smiley:  I thought I might have a chance because she was 1- always available for me. 2- her eyes always seemed to shine a bit more when she looked at me. 3- she didn't pull away first when I hugged her saying goodbye...ever!  So I hoped..

I think the conversation when something like this.. "Laura" "I think you know how I feel about you and how much I care.. That won't change no matter what you say to me.  I am not going to tell you to drop the psychopath (in and out of jail most of last two years and goes back for 4 more shortly), that is a decision you alone can make and I will continue to support you whatever you decide.. (she had been considering divorce and between you and me she deserved better, way better!).  "We hang out a lot and I would marry you in an instant and feel incredibly lucky!  Have you thought about us, and what you want?..."  The sweetest words I may have ever heard were preceded by 2 minutes of silence.."I've thought a lot about it and I just want to be with you.."  My heart sang!!

We went quite a while before we ever kissed from that point forward.. Holding hands, hugging and being together love just grew in an unexplainable and amazing way. When we did kiss I fell even harder if that is possible (something that seems to grow with a mind of its own every day).  I have friends & business associates  that are models, playboy bunnies (1) and good looking women.  Several have offered to "keep me company" when they heard I was single or going to be shortly.. I don't even notice anyone else anymore.. My cousin Laura is everything to me! She is the most beautiful woman in the world!  In her arms and company I feel completely safe and can say or be myself without holding anything back or having to "edit" my words or who I am to fit what I think she wants me to be.. She tells me I am "perfect", "amazing" "so kissable" and I love her for it!

Since that point we have kissed... a lot! In fact I have kissed and held her for hours at a time and they seemed like mere moments.  This relationship just gets better and better for both of us. It's almost like we are parts of the same whole, we intuitively know what the other wants or needs and I have felt more true love from her in an hour than I have had in 10 years with anyone else. I am already close to her family and that brings us even closer I think. We are religious, and won't get "too close" until we get married (Lord let it be soon!) as we want to do the right thing (and lets face it.. I'm a grandpa and have to set an example for my kids and grand-kids).  I can't wait to be with her.. When I think of Laura "She is my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest. Laura is everything I love best in life and what I care about most".

Since writing this "epistle" yesterday I have spoken to my mother and daughter and they are both very excited! Neither had issues with the cousin thing or the "I could be her father if I started having kids at 18 thing".. Both were ecstatic 100% supportive immediately and texted Laura to let her know "how happy they were to have her even deeper in the family".  I just got this text from my mother as I write this"Been so excited and happy for you all day!. Dad too. We both support you 100% YaY!"..

I have four younger brothers and a sister (all older than Laura) who I expect will be supportive (but will make some funny comments to tease me) and most of my sister in laws will be predictably.. "snarky" but then again that is nothing new in our family  :evil:

Never thought there was much truth about "soul mates" or people who were "made for each other".  It is  hard to believe but I am now a believer.. Why would anyone bother getting married for anything less than "every time I see you my heart beats faster" & "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and feel so very lucky to be with you".. Love should be..well..Splendid!  If this is what love truly is then I have never been truly in love before..

I wrote this down just in case there is someone else out there like me.. If there is somebody you think is "Your North your South your East your West, your workday week and Sunday rest.."I wish you well and to Laura my love.... XOXO!

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THe first time I saw her I was blown away but not old enough to understand why (I was 10)

20 years later we met again and although I would've never told her, everyone around us sensed it and did everything they could to keep us apart. THe funny thing is that we had never once spoke about our attraction. We knew that it would disrupt the family.

A decade later we spent a week together. I almost didn't go because of all of the other fires I was putting out. A relative from the other side of the family talked me into it by telling me that I needed the time away...she was so right.

THe first few days we had some small talk and both of us sensed this "weird" energy and so were uncomfortable being around each other. THis time it was a totally different group of family that was around and somehow they sensed it too.

From the way she walks, the twinkle in her eyes, the gum (sounds wierd I guess but I love it) she exposes when she has a big smile on her face. Her long sexy hair. The sounds she makes, her intelligence and beauty, she is feisty, determined, independent (sometimes almost to a fault haha) and funny...everything about her drew me to her.

She is lean and mean (figure of speech) is petite and built like I think a lady should be...

I felt so nervous around her but also comfortable once we made physical contact after being apart for only a few hours (kiss, hug etc). I want to take care of her for the rest of our lives.

We can spend days doing nothing at all and be perfectly content. THis was the lynch-pin - I knew that she was the one for me, my soul mate...

I kept thinking that I had never thought or felt about a woman this way and why hadn't I found someone who was like her. I didn't know what love was (although I thought I did until I met her) She was right there in front of me even though she was my cousin.

We were married last week. Now she is my wife.

That is awesome!  We hope to follow your example and get married as soon as we can pull it together :)

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest ricca

my cuz and i had a 2years age gap andour families were close so we were mostly together. i remember that i always used to follow him around and he once said that i was like a ghost haunting him. i was 5 years old so i didnt know y i followed him around, i just did. my older sister was 6 years older than me and better at everything dan me, so my cuz was always asking her for everything, i always used to feel envious,just that i didnt know what that emotion was called. when i was 9 years old however, dad got a transfer and we shifted, then, when i missed seeing him so much was when i realized i loved him. for three more years i hid the love i had for him, and would always spend the little time i used to be at my hometown with him.

he was easy to talk to, we could talk about everything, we had common intrests, i just loved spending time with him. then dad transferred again and at the new place i fell in love with another boy at 12. when i came to know that dad was transfering again a year later, i decided i had to tell this guy about my love for him and so i did. then a half a year later i decided that maybe i dont love my cuz as much anymore so i can tell him about it in past tense on facebook,since that was our mode of communication, and so i did.

What does he tell me? he says that at around 11 he realized that he loved me but he knew it wasnt right so he supressed it. well i finally transfer and a year later his family comes to our city for new years and stays at my home. i had xams coming up and so i wouldnt go out with dem, but my cousin usually stayed at home wid me, saying he had homework to do and we were alone a lot of the time.

since der was space shortage between the 3 in our family and the four in his, i convinced my parents that i would sleep in the drawing room with him and his younger bro(2 years younger than me).

1 such day where no one was at home except us both, we were in a blanket on the bed studying side by side and our feet were entwined since i usually had a high body temperature and he had low(we had been doing so alot). that was his second day in my home and i ask him: since u once said u liked me now that we sit side by side like this a yesterday night when u asked me to hug u cause you were cold(turns out he actually was cold, but since i switched of d fan and all for him he was fine)it wasnt due to ulterior motives right? and he said there were no ulterior motives. the next night

when we slept together was his last night home and the night before my second exam.

he was sleeping beween his bro and me and then i said that i had to make a confession. i told him all thw while that we were sitting side by side or doing anything else, it was all in ulterior motives. he doesnt respond for a minute. the he turns and hes he did it in ulterior motives too. after that till now, half a year later,  we r closer, more comfortable. but the sad part is that my dear couz keeps reminding me that we r first cousins and so we cant end up together. i understand it's true, but the way he puts it in is as though he doesnt even want to put the effort to try, what with him being an atheist and all, but life is still better than the past 10 years with an 10 years running thought-to-be-unrequitted love and and an almost dissapearing 2 year old unrequitted love. ^_^

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  • 2 months later...
  • Moderator

Initially, I don't know!!  I have always been attracted to my cousin.  Always.

But now that I am pursuing this relationship, I can tell you that the things that draw me to him are:

1.  His sense of humor

2.  His intellect

3.  His gentlemanly ways

4.  His confidence

5.  His work ethic

6.  The way that he puts me first

7. And of course, HIS KISS!!

His confidence paired with his gentleness, humor and kindness simply sweep me off my feet!

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

First her overall being, loved her from the moment I heard her name. Second the way she wants and enjoys my attention. Her facial expressions are amazing, especially glee, but all cute. Her eyes are an incredible light brown dark green and they are extremely powerful. Not large but larger than average and a pretty shape. Many years ago in the early days, at the end of a wonderful holiday, I as a passenger of a car as it departed I looked out the window immediately to her, our eyes locked as the car drove off. That moment of about 3-5 seconds of locked eyes so powerful indescribable. She has a cute small button nose and her personality is caring, playful, loving, shy, sensible, discreet/quiet. She is my first cousin, our fathers are brothers.

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I want to say that I never felt such quite a connection to anyone like I did with my first cousin. His father and my mother are brother and sister. They were very close til the day he died.( My uncle). My cousin and I met up for the first time in years since children at a family funeral in 2011. It wasn't under the best circumstances but we just had a connection that we both couldn't explain. When I saw him I wanted to tear his clothes off instantly and it was the same for him but we both kept it to ourselves at the time. While there at the funeral, we exchanged phone numbers. When we returned back to our respectful homes. We called one another constantly. We stayed on the phone for hours at a time and found out that we had so much in common. Same likes ...dislikes.. how others didn't understand us...wanting the same things out of life .We also share the same zodiac sign. Our birthdays are also12 days apart. We've been inseparable ever since. We live in the same state but only an hour and fifteen minutes apart from one another. I didn't believe in love at first sight but it truly does exist.  We started sleeping with one another like 2 weeks after the funeral ... that was 2 years ago. Last but not least, We had a beautiful , healthy baby boy a year ago. We both wanted to have a child together  .....He wanted a boy and I was able to give him one. We both don't regret what happened.  We love each other and that's all that matter.

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  • 2 years later...

I was 13 the first time I met him (the last time I had seen him before that, I was 3 so that doesn't count lol).

I thought several of my cousins were attractive and he was one of them, but he was a lot older than me and that added to the fact that we are cousins (and that at the time I thought it was abnormal), I didn't give him much thought. He was not interested in me romantically either.

I was drawn to him (non-romantically) at this time though. Have you ever heard the quote: "character is how you treat those who can do nothing for you"? He has more character than anyone I've ever met. This quote describes who he is and is still, to this day, why I fell for him in the first place. It wasn't long after that first reunion that I realized I had feelings for him (and started repressing them, pushing them away, feeling abnormal, filling my life with every distraction I could, fighting my ever growing love for him over the next 14 years...)

He has the gift of making anyone and everyone feel important, and he has never used it advantageously. He truly treats everyone the same, whether he can benefit from that particular friendship or not. I have never seen anyone else show this kind of selflessness before.

I was a lonely kid. I had exactly one friend who was my friend most of the time. I was bullied. I felt like I didn't matter and contemplated suicide several times. My self esteem was at about -5.

He made me feel, for the first time in my life, like I mattered. To quote one of my favorite movies, "[He] saw me when I was invisible..."

He is truly amazing. I love him so ❤️

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