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doglover

ot sure you ever move past a cousin love

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I have come to realize that even though my cousin does not love me like I love him I would rather have him in my life in some capacity than not at all. I tried to cut him out of my life but that hasn't worked well for me. So even though I know he has moved on I would rather have him as my cousin and friend than nothing at all. Please someone tell me I can find someone to replace him in other capacities because I am not sure I can. He is like a twin soul to me.

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Doglover,

Sad news is, you probably will never replace what you and your cousin had or the feelings evoked when you guys were "together". My cousin is attempting to bury the hatchet between us...but to be honest, I don't know if I want to. We had a falling out and she cut all contact with me for nearly 4 months. It damn near killed me. Now she wants to be friends again, I'm surprised she thinks she can waltz right back into my life like that, like nothing happened. Not this time, I'm never going through that again, so I'm keeping her at an arms length. I never thought I could simultaneously love and hate a person, but that's how I feel about her. I'm seeing a new girl now, one who's much less of a promiscuous w**** than she is, and she hates it. 

I hate to break it to ya but when you cut your cousin out you most likely did irreparable damage to him. I'm sure he still loves you but refuses to be hurt again. I suggest you apologize and maybe he'll be nicer than me and allow you back in his life. Re-assure him that you WON'T cut him out again, cause let me tell you, it hurts.

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My cousin is trying her best to cut our communication. We both still very much love each other. It's a long story. You can read our story when you get the chance. Anyway, we're trying to do the right thing but we know that we'll never be able to replace each other. We just have to live one day at a time. To answer your question, it's hard but you can try to have a relationship with another guy.

Please watch the Notebook if you haven't seen it. In that movie, the guy was trying to forget his first love but just couldn't do it. His girlfriend realized it later.

To me after 38 years, it's still there.

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Well I stopped talking to him for a while to try to move past him after I realized he didn't love me and he met someone else.He told me he understood I needed time and space. I still adore him but would rather have him in my life as my cousin and my friend than nothing at all. we email each other a few times a week now but that is all. It's hard because it brings back memories but he is a great guy and it was probably a mistake that we crossed the cousin line as I don't think our friendship will ever be able to be like it was before. It's awkward now. I love him but he likes someone else now . I hope in time things will improve.I just don't think I really ever want to hear he is happy with someone else. I always hope someday he might change his mind and come back but I think its not likely. :(

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Having him in your life as a friend and cousin is better than nothing at all, your right. My cousin is in a relationship with this girl but i wish he wasn't but that's life. I haven't slept with him or anything, in fact i don't think he's in to me like i am with him and that's life too.

I think for most, nothing compares to the feeling for cousins than it does for a regular stranger but that's just my opinion. It could be worse for you though, you could never be in contact with him but at least you e-mail each other a few days a week.

I focus on my studies more than my cousin but i do think about him every night though, hard not to because i feel like he's a polar opposite for me like a magnetic pull. Don't know if you feel the same with yours, maybe you do.

I know its easy for me to say but try and keep busy to keep your mind off your cousin, sure he's bound to crop in your head now and then but its better than it taking over your life.

I don't know what else to suggest for you, hopefully in time things will get easier for you  :smiley:

nessa

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This is really a necro-bump, but I have to respond here.

I was in a relationship with a cousin years ago, before there was an internet to ask for advice.  I am now happily married, with great kids.  I love my wife, I love my life.  The cousin moved away, she's had boyfriends that I've been introduced to and she seems happy now.  We've never discussed what happened between us, or how I accept full responsibility for how poorly it ended.  But I have thought about her, missed her, every day since then.  In seventeen years it isn't something I've moved past, it's something I've lived with.

To Pepe;  38 years?   Great.  Something to look forward to.

Doglover;  If your dog's name is Loki, just tell me.  I would feel so much better knowing that I'm not alone in this...

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This thread made me so desperately sad.

I've had feelings for my cousin since I was a teenager (I'm almost 27 now), which I realized were much deeper than a crush a few years ago. I can't replace him. I tried, and tried, and tried. No one compares, and nothing comes close. After my last relationship ended two years ago, I just said screw it - to hell with everything. If I can't be with him, I won't be with anybody - it just isn't fair to the other guy, and it causes more problems than it ever fixes. Basically, I'd rather die alone if I can't be with him during this lifetime.

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"If I can't be with him, I won't be with anybody - it just isn't fair to the other guy, and it causes more problems than it ever fixes. Basically, I'd rather die alone if I can't be with him during this lifetime."

I felt that way, too, and in retrospect I've often wondered if I should have stayed with that.  I knew I wasn't cut out for a life of celibacy, though, so I bit the bullet and married "contestant number 2."  Extended family happy; kids, grandkids, career, all that stuff.  But after more years than you've lived, I still wonder if I made the right decision.  Have I moved on?  Honestly, I don't know.  At times I think I have; at other times not so much.  (My cousin-love knows I'm still struggling.)  My therapist is the only one who knows the whole story, and he really doesn't know what to do with it. :cry:

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I've never gotten over my cousin, and it's been nearly twenty years since our last encounter. Briefly, we were always close growing up, but she was over four years younger than I, so a teen romance was out of the question. When I was older, we started talking about marriage, and, in the end, I got the impression that she wasn't interested. Some years later, the truth came out, and by then we were both married to other people. We talked and cried, but it was too late for us to simply run off with one another. It hurt - oh, God help me, it hurt so much. I grieved for her for a year. The good news is, we are both happy in our lives now. We are still in contact (thank you, Facebook), and everything is good. Regardless, there is no getting over it - I no longer grieve, but I will love my cousin to my grave.

Hope this helps.

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