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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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torture4us

1st cousins in love

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Hello

We are new to this forum, so here it goes. My cousin and I are in touture.. I am male in my late 40's, she is in her 40's. Both of us are divorced, when had our grinds and kissing when we were in our teens. then the family grew apart as we grew older, 25+ years later we meet up again at a family holiday and it was like we never missed a beat. We talked for HOURS, laughed cried, and hugged to comfort each other. We both asked questions to see if either one of us remembered thing from the past and the answer was YES. The heat and desire is there for us both, and it is killing us. Some people/friends/family say yes your older now, and neither of you want children, and others say no, "Take it to your Grave." She told me it is killing her holding back her feelings for me, she told me she knows what would happen if she let her guard down, and it would be beautiful. I stated for us to let happen what happens, don't plan anything lets just see what happens and if it does, keep it to ourselves. She says she would not be able to do that, we still hug each other, and I can say, it is NOT just a hug, I feel her heart beat faster and well as mine, she shakes when she is in my arms. We are so close in all ways possible.... we are just testing the waters and seeing what else people have to say,feel, and if there are any others out there like us.  She feels because we are cousins, we both want this, feel this, it is hot!! passion within. She just can not get the cousin word out of her mind, and yes I am tring my best to ease her through it all. I told her to relax and just be herself, when it happens we keep it to ourselves.  She has come out and said, " If we weren't"  Then she gets blushed and hot flashed...

Thanks

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I don't understand what the problem is. You're both well and truly adults, you don't want children (not that there is any significant risk factors if you did), and you love each other. So some people or relatives will disapprove - so what? You can't please everyone. Do you really want to forego your happiness just to please them?

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torture4us,

^^^ THIS. Scorpion Queen has hit the nail on the head. So long as you aren't in a state which considers it criminal incest, GO FOR IT. What are you two waiting for? 50? Well, I'm 50, and let me tell you how I would handle it. I would treat it like any other relationship. As you are finding, these situations are want to get intense quickly. Sounds to me as if you are just a little too nervous about what others would say. They get their life to live, not theirs AND yours. They are not the ones to make you happy, YOU ARE. As you are looking 50 in the face, I need not tell you, but I will anyhow, THE CLOCK IS TICKING HERE MAN. You are both available, make each other happy, and are at a point to do so for the rest of your lives. Let your nervousness go, and turn it into a little rational caution like you would have going into any other relationship. It's fine to take things slowly at first. As it progresses, if it continues to feel right, then you will know. Hiding it at your ages is ridiculous. Any surviving members of the previous generation SHOULD BE mature enough to see how deeply you two care for each other, and be happy for you. If not, they are either senile or willfully unreasonable. I would point this out to them at the first sign of nonsense out of them. Any members of the younger generation will most likely be OK with it as soon as they see you two are happy. As things progress, and there are the normal PDA's between you two, be prepared for some catcalls, "Get a room," and that sort of thing. So long as it isn't mean spirited, laugh it up with them. If it is, get right out in front of it from the start and nip it in the bud. Even though it feels like it, you two aren't teenagers any more. Of course, if you have the aches and pains and creaks and groans I've had for the last few years, I don't really have to remind you of that either.  :grin: You are torturing yourselves needlessly. I want to see your username become "happyRus."

Now get on board. The train is fixing to roll outta the station.....

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I told her that we would read these together, so please keep the coments comming. Im going to sit down with her again and we are going to talk and talk more and more.  If we can keep our hands off each other...

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I would love to marry her, our kids from prior marriages are almost grown and out.  I'm am not forcing her to cross the line as some say! But I am NOT backing away.  We are so good together, we know what the other is thinking, click perfectly ...  We can talk about anything openly, she asked me a question the other day, one that cousins of different sex would not ask each other.  But she was open and asked it, I felt as though she had opened the door a little more.  I hope she will spend her life with me.  She calls for advice and we talk for hours, her girlfriends say we are already dating...lol.  I think the torture part is knowing it will work, but do I cross the line to the next level?  ( That is her talking) even though I make her blush when we are close or talking on the phone, her voice becomes quieter and seductive.  She opens up so much more and teases me as well as I.  We are so good for each other.  She even remembered the necklace I gave her when we were teenagers, retreats she misplaced it..  Wow, just knowing that she remembers.  Please keep all comments coming, help me out here, I have a hill to climb to get her to let go... But the hill is getting smaller and smaller. 

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This is my first post on here and I'm already giving advice. LOL

You guys love each other, go to every level you can go!  I wish my situation was as free as you guys'.  Do stuff together, make each other happy!  Go to every level you can go!  Take long walks on the beach, go on honeymoon, go to one of those cruises, go make each other happy, lol.

Who cares what others think!? They have never fallen in love with their cousins, how would they know?  I never thought I would fall in love with my own cousin once removed.  I think about her every day, but we live so far away and its so hard for me.  I just think about her every second that I don't do anything!  It's unstoppable.

Can you tell me what was the situation in the previous marriage?  Did you guys think about each other while married? Just a little curious.

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torture4us,

I agree with SQ, but I'm telling you to drop any and all reservations. You two are in a position to have many good years (hopefully) together. Anyone who tells you to take this to your grave is foolish and/or uninformed. The only reason the two of you have for any reservations is if you are in a state which considers it to be criminal incest. Don't give us a specific location, but if you don't mind, I am curious as to what state you are in. Other than any potential legal drama, trust me, you're good to go. I'll also remind you that every day you hesitate is a day you've lost, and can't get back when you finally do decide to go for it. And from what I'm reading, you two WILL decide to go for it at some point. I'm telling you, go right ahead, dip your toes in and test the waters. I know you'll find them warm and cozy. To torture4us 'her', do not let uninformed opinions of others get in the way of your happiness. If torture4us 'him' makes you happy, it's time to enjoy a life with him. Put on your big girl britches, and saddle up. It looks like this horse is ready to run....

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It's kinda funny...we ( T & I ) have been married for 2 weeks as of today. We aren't cousins anymore (we actually never looked at each other that way but were reminded constantly by everyone else) - we are husband and wife now.

You are 50- screw the rest of 'em - it is your life to enjoy and you can't make everyone happy so go for it or live the rest of your life wishing and regretting.

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well even if there's no like button, i can at least applaud gotitgood's post!

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well even if there's no like button, i can at least applaud gotitgood's post!

Haha! Thanks - hmmm

I was thinking about your like button - im not sure id want to post "Like" to facebook(if facebook is what you are referring to)

I like the protection this forum offers (and I am sure you do to) but just a clicker like response button is a great idea for forums - I've never seen one- good idea...

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LOL, no, i wouldn't want it to show on facebook... i'm just lazy and wish i could show my approval of a post with a forum-wide like button so i wouldn't have to type a response!!!

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LOL, no, i wouldn't want it to show on facebook... i'm just lazy and wish i could show my approval of a post with a forum-wide like button so i wouldn't have to type a response!!!

I actually thought that there was a Karma button to click. I was going to click it on one of Hawk's posts but couldn't find it because it's not there! HAHA!

I agree, an applause, karma, cred, approve button would be cool. I wonder if SMF has a mod...

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well even if there's no like button, i can at least applaud gotitgood's post!

I actually thought that there was a Karma button to click. I was going to click it on one of Hawk's posts but couldn't find it because it's not there! HAHA!

I agree, an applause, karma, cred, approve button would be cool. I wonder if SMF has a mod...

When you hit "applaud" it does add 1 to their karma, so now you have 2 on your karma gotitGOOD.  :grin:

There use to be a way to see who gave you karma, and for what, but the last time I looked it was disabled. I need to go back and see if Boss has turned it back on. It sort of works like a "like" button in that regard.

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When you hit "applaud" it does add 1 to their karma, so now you have 2 on your karma gotitGOOD.  :grin:

There use to be a way to see who gave you karma, and for what, but the last time I looked it was disabled. I need to go back and see if Boss has turned it back on. It sort of works like a "like" button in that regard.

Kewl! Now i can hit your karma up as well. Heck id have used it before if i knew it existed. Now to see if i can find it on my phone lol!

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Thank you for all of the comments. we are sitting here together talking and I the woman am trying to come to terms for what I am felling. We are spending time together one on one and with family. They say how great it is to see us together, how happy he is in my presence,how he laughs and smiles so much now, how we have a secret language and they look at us questioning what is going on? I look at him and feel so relaxed. I wish we could live in a bubble and this not be torture for me. He is so ready to take this to the next level yet, I hesitate. Fear, respect for family and trying to live as expected in the norm.He says everyones version of the norm is different. Hi, this is the man cousin, this long weekend alone with my cousin has been so wonderful.  We have been laughing, touching, and talking in code.  I see her and want to take her in my arms and hold her close and tight.  I want to make love to her, but I don't want to push her into something she is NOT ready for.  I love her and she knows how I feel, I would cherish her and everything about her.  I know that this would be beautiful if/when it takes place.  I told her she could trust me in everything, we spent the night in the same bed, she under the covers and me on top on the covers.  I gave her a quick kiss and we went to sleep, when she woke she stated to me," Thank you for being honest and a gentlemen"  I did not touch her, it was hard to do but again I wanted to gain her trust and respect.  I love her so much! When he says he loves me I smile. I love him also. Divorce has made we want to protect my heart from any further pain.He is so easy to love he has not truly been. .

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Without trust you have nothing. Do you trust each other?

You have already rung the proverbial bell...

Do you intend to do what is best before your relationship and make it your priority?

Will you accept each others faults?

Do you believe in unconditional love?

Do you honestly think you will have this bond with another?

Living life means taking risks. Is this a risk worth taking?

Would you regret, for the rest of your lives not accepting each other, taking the risk and putting your relationship first?

Seems to me you have crossed the intimacy barrier leaving a physical act.

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@ gotitGOOD.....  to answer your questions....  Yes we trust each other completly.. Im helping her with personal matter's and her also with me.

We have made this a priority, we speak of each other daily.  Im able to make her wooo and get sexually aroused with just conversation, It has happen at the restarant, what a site.  I thought she was having trouble breathing........

With both have faults and have already put them on the table and accepted them all..........

Unconditional love is all we do, we made that pack on day one.........

there is no bond this strong with anyone else, she had to pull over this weekend because of the chat we were having while driving to calm herself down... (sexually energy)

As for risks, we have been taking them since day one...., yes I would regret if I could not have her.  I know she feels the same, because of how she asks around me, with just worlds.  She was talking to someone on her phone this weekend, I kissed her neck and touched her hand, she dropped the phone and when she tried to pick it up she was trembling and had difficulties picking it up.  she continued to shake even after she repicked up the phone.. she did calm down after a few...  but WOW....

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torture4us,

I've told you before, and I'll remind you again. You two are adults and available. You two are happy together. Other people will either get on board or get run over by the train, because this tension isn't going to be denied much longer. torture4us'her', please explain why you feel your family will have this huge problem with this? It sounds to me like they already think there is more going on than there is at this point. Have they been nasty about it some way? It doesn't sound like it to me. It sounds to me like they are happy to see you two happy. Is there some sort of cultural barrier you feel would get in the way? If so, what do you think the major issues for them would be? If it is religious, there are resources here on the site at your disposal. If they would be concerned about the genetics, at least to me, it sounds like you two are a little long in the tooth to be starting a family, if your children are by and large grown and out on their own. You admit there is no bond so strong that either of you have ever felt. Is that not your biggest clue right there? As I said previously, they get their life to live, you get yours. It is no more their responsibility to make you happy than it is yours to make them happy. One thing I would point out to them is that the two of you together would most likely be in a better position to help them out as they age, parents and children alike. You don't want to go so overboard as to have helping them be detrimental to you, but I would let them know it puts you in a better position to do what you can. Financial considerations are always as good a reason as any for older folks such as yourselves to put near the top of the list, (after your love of one another) as reasons to go for it.

Please give us a little more detailed view of your situation, without being TOO specific. I'm still curious as to where you two are living, (again, without being TOO specific) such as what State in the US, or country if you are outside the US, ethnic background, which family members have said go for it, which have not. Things such as that. 

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Hello Hawk..., Gotitgood..,  and everyone;

  OK we have done some talking since the last post, after we both responded together on March 3rd. 3:24am.

Yes the tension and sexual teases from both of us are becoming and has been tough to deny, and at times we get caught up.  Her side of the family is much closer than mine, and has always been.  My ex wife drove a wedge between our family and within the last 10 years it has been improving on my side,(his).  There are children involved from both of our prior marriages.  She has 3, one a teenager at home, me I have 6, and the youngest is 18, the rest are out the nest. Her concern is just that, more of her family, due to their closeness.  The family's see us laughing,joking,grab assing and speaking in our own language, with is sexual and erotic, if you listen between the lines.  We Always sit next to each other, and we are always making time to be alone, weather to talk or just be alone in quite time, our family does not say anything about it.  When we go out, we are out till 4-5am having a great time together, we have slept in the same bed, one on top of covers and the other under, again no family members says anything about it because they know how we are.

 

  There are NO religious issues or cultural barriers in place.  As for the location of living, we are in the USA, I live in a Mideastern coastal state, and she lives in a Southern most eastern state, both states allow marriage of first cousins.  We are African American, as for family members they have not been told yet.  We both have friends, confidants, that we confide in 100% and we know that they would take this to the grave with them. My friends say to go for it, as long as she is OK with it.  Her friends, some, have said to go with what you feel, your heart.  Others said to date someone else for a while and see if you still feel the same afterward.  She has been separated for over 2 years.  Her biggest issue is the "C" Word,(Cousin) she is having a tough time with it.  Even though the word never comes up during a hug, long walks,hand holding or a passionate kiss, then she gets caught up and pushes me back.  She looks at me and she is blushed, she's lost for words, but again she takes a moment to get it together.  I think she has a rush of passion going through her body at that time and it is hard for her to fight it, that is why she pushes me back.  Her kisses are like soft moist pillows, when we kiss we are so into it we forget were we are sometimes. We both have said personally that we want this and the desire,passion,energy,sexually is all there.  I Know at times when I offer to visit she gets quiet, then thinks real hard about it, then changes the topic. 

  I, (him) am able to separate the "C" word from this and love her as mine... she tells me she loves me, no she tells me she is in love with me, and I am with her.  Total strangers pick up on us and smile when they see us, and tell us we are good together. I / We both know that if we take this to the next step, that we would be forever.  The heat we have for each other is so much.  Another reason I feel she is skidish, she knows we would be great together.  We have no secrets, we have always been open with each other, and continue.  We have a pack, when ever we speak to each other it is always honesty, even if it hurts. I have told her things that I have not told anyone in over 14+ years, that still brings tears to my eyes.  She in turn has told me things that has made me cry and sick to my stomach.. she has talked me down from doing a bad thing to someone(s).  We totally trust each other, and have NO secrets to hide.

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Don't miss the chance to be with your cousin.go get married.enjoy and cherish every moment of your life together. I wish I'm in that situation.that's the least of my problem-what people says. Most of the posting that I have replied today are almost the same-fear of what people will say.there's a saying-the only thing that you need to fear is FEAR itself.

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We are moving forward as to our feelings and relationship.  We are speaking more of us and the possibility of taking the next step.  She does not us the "C" word as much, almost never now.  Our closeness is close and at time she realizes to close,, she backs away and then comes back.  Our kisses are very passionate and heated...  We are going to push through this....

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What may help is to get it settled in your own head (fellow woman) that the word "cousin" is not a bad word! Not only do you not have religious or cultural barriers to cousins marrying, your states allow it as well! So instead of shying away from the fact that he's your cousin, embrace it! The only hesitation seems to be with your own mind's assumptions about cousin relationships. You have all of history, even Biblical and most of country/world law on your side AND some friends and family who don't seem freaked out by the idea. So many people on this forum would give almost anything for those things in their situation. I don't say this to make you feel ashamed for being so hesitant, but just to be introspective about why your mind is so stuck on that word when everything around you gives you the "a-okay"? Maybe when you look at him, try practicing thinking, "Here is my cousin, I love him, I want to marry him, that's okay." Remind yourself of it every time to counteract what is probably going through your head "Here is a man, I love him, want to marry him, BUT he's my cousin!" Don't trip over that BUT- turn it into one of your reasons FOR wanting to be with him! Anyway, as GotitGOOD mentioned, once you get married, you can leave off the cousin description if you so wish since being husband and wife supercedes all other human relationships.

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torture4us,

^^^ This (as OP has struck on something here) and what I've already told you. Proceed with all due caution, but don't be OVERLY cautious. You two "have met" by this point, I'm assuming.......

Everyone else can get over it at the same time as you two do. Now, get over it.........

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