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chrisreeve

Dilemma - So am i getting used by her?? what should i do?

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Hello newbie here  so please bear with me when i give u  some background. A few months back i had confessed to her my feelings, and her reaction to that was a straight out no. Obsiously i felt hurt but before confessing i said i'd wished to remain friends, which we seemingly did after, in the hopes that in the future something may change in her. However, it seems she has gone more cold and distant towards me by way of not replying to my text or even when i talk to her, to which she replies with a one line response, and its me who has to intiate the communication. Anytime she does, however is only when she needs something off me, which are mostly in the form of lifts/ pick ups or bringing her to places she is only interested in. Ive asked her if we could go out on some friendly casual outings, no romantic things involved since i missed our friendly chats,and she doesnt reply. I confronted her about it;told her she was avoiding me, and she straight out denied it, to which i apologised and replyed i was getting mixed signals from her. But my intuition was telling me that its a lie and she's either consiously/subconsciously manipulative as she has this innocent charm that at first drew me to her. Another sign is that her Fb status is set to 'open'; she ended her longdistant relationship before but i dont know now. After the confrontation,I tested this feeling of mine by trying to strike a conversation; a simple greeting over fb and i got no response. It was only when i cancelled an upcoming engagement to bring her somewhere, she immediately pm me asking why. I left the conversation there as i knew my intuition was correct...

My question is what to do about it as she geniuinely needs some assistance and has recently came to the country with a student visa. She struck a bond with my family here, due to me, and my family understands i've been helping her out. So it'll seem odd to my family that i would cut all contact with her, which i wish to do because doing these things to me has been more even hurtful than any rejection. I maybe doing this in spite of her, but i dont like this person im becoming. Although i feel i(or she) played myself into a trap with my family who'll ask why i dont help her out anymore if i do decide to ignore and requests or contact with her...btw we are in our mid 20's

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chrisreeve,

If it were me, I would stop texting her. If and when she texted me, I wouldn't be in any bigger hurry to reply to her than she is to you. If it's something major she needs help with, you'll know it. She'll be blowing your phone up.

This goes for whether she's pulling your chain or not. She knows how you feel. It doesn't really matter whether she's the least bit interested or not, or if she knows she has you there at her beckon call, and is using that to her advantage. You should be busy with life when she calls, and if you choose to help her, it will be when you are able to get there, not as soon as you can throw on your shoes and beat feet to her. If anyone asks, you just say "I help her when I can, but sometimes she calls when I'm right in the middle of something else, so it may take me a while to get there, if I can even get there." Beyond that, if they are so concerned, maybe THEY can drop what they are doing and help her out themselves.......

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chrisreeve,

    I have read and reread your post a number of times.  Your cousin is in a new country, new environment and a student.  Then you, her helpful cousin, want to be more than friends.  She rejected you and now you are appearing to want to punish her for not feeling the same way.  That doesn't seem very friendly or kind to me.  She is in an overwhelming situation.

    Give her the space to deal with her new life and BE A FRIEND.  A friend is helpful and NOT demanding.  Make it your mission to show friendship above all.  That and time may do wonders for you. 

  I recommend a book:  MEN ARE FROM MARS/WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS which explains the differences.  Learning to understand how women think and feel will help you with all women and especially with your cousin.

Good luck

Nat

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