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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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stranded_aucklander

Advice or Opinions needed please - very confused

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Hi, so i have a crush on my cousin, 2nd cousin (her Dad and my Dad are 1st cousins). Well actually its turning into more than a crush, I find myself thinking about her at least once a day, and when I do i get overwhelmed with all these feelings, happiness being the primary one. Sorry but my story will probably be very boring and bland compared to others, but any opinion or pieces of advice would be greatly appreciated :)

So im from New Zealand, and currently 23 years old. Nearly 5 years ago, when I was 19, we had a family trip over to Australia, and to also meet my Dads 1st cousin and stay with their family for the weekend. Thats where I met her for the first time, my 2nd cousin, she was 16yo. Had never heard of or knew of her prior to this, she also has a younger bro who was 13 at the time I think. So yea, typically my first impression was, "oh, shes quite pretty wow lol", but then I was quick to tell myself "STFU! Thats your cousin!". So yea we got on pretty well, didnt really get to know each other too deeply as I also had 3 other siblings with me but yea I found her company great, I felt really at ease, and that was the first time meeting her! I just put it down to the whole cousin connection people can have, where they meet relatives for the first time and hit it off just due to being related. I still occasionally couldnt help myself appreciating her beauty lol but i saw it as harmless and didnt beat myself up too much over it. Anyway, the trip ended, we went back home, i kind of missed her afterwards, but it faded away and that was that. Sometimes though, i would randomly think of her, like every 1 or 2 months, and not exactly in a cousin way, but just in a general way, that guys think of girls randomly lol i thought I was  :shocked: up for it but just brushed it off.

Okay, fast foward 3 years later, and her family comes over to New Zealand to attend my older brothers wedding. Havent spoken to her at all during the 3 years, apart from saying Happy Birthday to each other. So I meet her again, this time im 22, shes 19, first thing that happens to me when I see her again is I get a couple random butterflies inside lol I ignore it, think of it as shy nerves, yea its my cousin but we've only met once prior! Of course ill still have some shyness right?! So yea, then I dunno if I imagined this but i see her out of the corner of my eye when Im talking to another cousin, her looking at me and going red? Like blushing? Lol, and then when I turn to talk to her she mentions how I've lost weight and look good :) (its true, i was probably a good 10-12kilograms heavier the first time i met her). Inside, i was flattered as, but brushed it off as a cousin compliment. But this was also the first time, i randomly entertained the thought that, hey maybe im not the only one looking at her in a weird way, maybe shes going through the same with me? Ahaha then i laughed to myself and thought "oh get over yourself bro!"

So yea during her time in New Zealand, we really kicked it off more, like got closer as cousins, long conversations, developed a closer relationship, we opened up more to each other, and then it dawned on me, - WOW, this girl is everything lol as in, she is so ideal, shes kind of perfect lol and just everything about her, made me feel so happy inside, like just being in her presence, made me feel so good, and i struggled to understand why my brain is reacting like this, shes my cousin, wtf am i doing??!! And sometimes, i dunno if im imagining this, but we would share glances with each other, like even if they were for a second, it would somehow feel longer, but we would have these mini-stares at each other across the room, i tried to brush it off as being nothing and me thinking too deep about it. Then on the night of the Wedding reception, all of us cousins/siblings are getting wasted, having a great time, and theres this other guy at the party, hes like a family friend, a distant cousin to me, hes faded as, and obviously, starts gravitating his attention towards my cousin. I dont blame him, shes gorgeous and such a joy to be around, but the thing is, shes kind of drunk and out of it too, and it seemed like she was enjoying his company too. And i couldnt understand why, but I was being overcome with some reeeeal jealousy lol like I was thinking "Im better than him why not me" ahahaha i cant believe it ay, im such a loser, but yea anyway, i couldnt shake this jealousy, and it was really confusing me. After this incident, i realised, "okay, theres something there, but just control it, and it will go away". So a couple days later her and her family pack up and go back to Australia, i give her a big hug, knowing im gonna miss her somewhat. I think about her sometimes here and there after she goes, but it slowly fades out and I assume im free! I watch the Wedding reception DVD later on and cant help but to be staring and noticing her everytime she comes on screen, and then the other thing i notice is, she seems to glance in my direction quite a bit in the DVD? Ahahaha im laughing because i feel like im being so full of myself to even think this is possible, but it honestly looked like it, and then i think to myself again, "Am i really not the only one here? Is this thing mutual??" And i find my self wanting the answer to that to be YES! And its so wrong! But i cant help it!

Okay so fast foward a year, im 23, and shes 20, its March 2014, and my family is going over to Australia to hang out and also stay with her family again for a few days. This time, sparks really start to fly for me, like im actually in to her now, and its so crazy and disgusting, because by now I should not be feeling this way at all, Ive known shes my cousin for a while now, so why the hell do these weird as hell feelings come back!! And always come back stronger than before!! The thing is, its hardly a physical attraction, like yea shes drop dead gorgeous and all, but im more attracted to her emotionally? Like i dont think about kissing her as such, i mainly think about being by her side and just loving the feeling of being on cloud nine! Thats what she does to me. Also, i hope its me being full of myself, and imagining things, but on this trip i could almost sense it was somewhat mutual, like maybe she is feeling a tiny bit of what I am too? Like one night we all went to a restaurant for dinner, and she told me i was looking handsome (i brushed it off as a cousin compliment), and also at one point she randomly out of nowhere, while we were talking, mentioned that she had no valentine on valentines day, like she reiterated it a couple times, and I was kinda silent lol like didnt know what to say lol but really, I wanted to say "Oh if i wasnt your cousin I would be your valentine" ahahahaha. But it got me thinking, what was the point of her telling me that? And then also, i was on her phone looking at a pic she was showing me, then some guy txt her, and i was like "oooohh W**** just txtd you" and she was so quick to shut it down and ignore it and was like "oh thats a mate from uni/college" and yea just changed subject. Looking back, I wonder if these were all little hints.

Its been 3 months now since ive last seen her, but we keep in contact a lot, through "Snapchat", shes been on top of my friends list for all 3 months now, like shes the only girl i mainly snapchat with, and i have been in her top 3 friends ever since too, i think we definitely snapchat a lot more than normal cousins who live in diff. countries would snapchat each other, i cant help but drop little compliments and hints here and there, and knowing how smart she is, I think she mightve picked up on a couple. But yea im confused, i feel deep down theres something there, but its too risky to even think thats true. Anway, let me know what ya'll think, do you reckon she likes me too? I gotta say, the chemistry is through the roof when we're together, i feel so good inside. Help me 

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stranded_aucklander,

I hope you don't mind me censoring the f-bomb, we are a family oriented site, (no pun intended, LOL) and have members and lurkers younger than you, so we try to keep it G-rated, or at the least, PG-13.

Anywho, as to your issue at hand here. I think she probably has similar feelings as you. To the same extent or more, who knows? You're going to have to cowboy up and break the ice. You did miss a very good opportunity with the Valentines Day thing. Don't let another instance like that get by you with out using what we call the old tried and true "If you weren't my cousin...." line. Being second cousins, it is legal to marry anywhere in the world so far as I can determine. Way ahead of where you are, but good to know up front anyhow. I'm not sure about NZ, but in Australia, even first cousins can marry. I would think NZ would be the same, but, again, being second cousins, this isn't really an issue for you, other than informational. If (and/or WHEN) the topic comes up, you can say "It may seem a little weird, but even FIRST cousins are legal. It isn't THAT weird actually." Then have other facts from here that you have gleaned ready to dispel an of the old myths about cousin couples. 

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