• Announcements

    • KC

      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

      Be informed on better ways to stay safe on the web -- Source: Mozilla
JackQ

Hi!

This topic has had no activity within the past six months. It is recommended that you start a new topic instead of replying to old topics.

92 posts in this topic

Hi! She is my first cousin. I think she is....Maybe you guys can help me since you guys are better at this stuff than I am. She is the daughter of my dad's older sister. I think that's a "first" cousin, right?

Anyway, in the old days, I would almost always come over to her house and the two of us are home alone while her parents are working. We both would be on the computer, watching TV, watching movies, playing in the backyard on a swingset. We would be sleeping in the same bed, on the floor, or even on the couch/sofa in the living room. Just hanging out and having a great time in each other's company. Everytime I walked through the door and as soon as I did, she would run up to me, smiling and with her arms spread out, the two of us would hug each other, sort of like an embrace type of hug. One time, we went shopping with one of our aunts and we would hold hands with interlocking fingers. Often times, we went to her parents' restaurant to hang out.

A few years ago, with the tragic news of our grandma passing away, every family member was there crying. I cried too, but the only person in the hospital room to hold me and give me a shoulder to cry on was my girl cousin.

One day at the restaurant, when we were younger, I was hanging out in the front area, we were chatting and out of nowhere, she put two of her fingers on her lips and then placed those two same fingers on one of my cheeks. Another time, she asked me to give her a piggy back ride and I did. Sometimes, we would walk together to the gas station next door to buy things. And we still do to this day. There was also a day when we were talking and she put both of her hands on my head, then on to her chest and she wrapped her arms around my head. We were both smiling.

On a hot summer day, she called me and invited me to her birthday party that she made a reservation at. While I was there, I sat down at an empty table, ordered my drink, and just sip it. At the same time, I felt like someone was watching me and I look up and I see my cousin and her "wall" of girl friends. I tried to make eye contact with them, but I see them blinking at a fast rate/rapidly and/or looking straight ahead with their blinking eyes.

When I was at a family gathering, I was sitting next to her mom. My cousin then came up to the table and introduced her then-boyfriend at the time (now ex-boyfriend) to her mom. They were talking and I'm on my phone. I sense someone looking at me, so I look up, trying to make eye contact and I saw my cousin blinking rapidly.

At a seperate family gathering, my girl cousin was hugging one our male cousins and I get that feeling again. I looked at her and she is looking straight ahead with blinking eyes.

I was helping out at one of many of the other family restaurants and she was there too. I was sitting down at a table and eating my meal. She walked up to me, with one of her hands on my upper back, a smile, and we talked briefly. After our short conversation, I continued eating my meal. Then, you guessed it, I get that feeling of being watched. I look around and I noticed her standing near the cash register. As soon as we make eye contact, she quickly looked away.

While working on day, I was going about my business, doing my job. I walked into the kitchen, she wanted a high five, so I gave her a high five as we were walking by past each other. A few minutes later, I was in the kitchen placing dirty dishes away and I saw her cutting fruit and I walked back out to the dining area. As I'm walking out from the kitchen, she called my name two times and asked me to take a slice of orange, before she placed the plate full of sliced oranges on a table where she was sitting.

On a different day, she was working alongside me and I was standing still. She randomly walked up to me, stood by me so close that I could almost feel her chest pressing against my left arm or left side of my body. She was also smiling while she was doing this.

On many occasions, whenever we were both in the same area together or close by in the vicinity, she would look at me, then quickly look away, or look straight ahead with blinking eyes, whenever I try to make eye contact with her.

Oh, I can see her looking at me from time to time even when her current boyfriend is there with us. I would look back at her and sometimes she either smirks, smiles, or looks straight ahead with her eyes blinking.

I said "I ❤️ U!" in a text message because she's been so supportive of me. She then said, "You too Jack, you too." in her reply to my text message. Please note that after this text chat, she has said, "I love you" to me now ever since, on some occasions. Oh, and she does her best or at least tries to cheer me up when I'm having a bad day(s). She is the only person that is able to get a smile out of me.

We are both in our 20's, aka "Adults" now. My, how time flies so fast!

What do all of these looks and stares mean? Is there a possiblity that she may like me more than a cousin? Please help me.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can totally relate to you :)  I thought were just  the only one who experience  that. anyways i think you should ask her what does it means !!! cause in my experience my boy cousin is like that too before and one night he wrote a love letter and asked me out I said yeahh ;) Sadly were first cousin too !!!

i think in your situation now shes trying to make you jealous xD

ask her in personal !!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the reply, Cathy! As a matter of fact, I wrote her a letter on my iphone in digital format and with the help of a relative overseas, I was able to complete the letter. I am currently in the process of converting the digital copy to a hard copy by tranditionally hand writing it. I changed some things here and there, while retaining the integrity of the letter. I wasn't expecting to be writing a book when I started writing the letter by hand.

Since her birthday is coming up soon, I bought her a Hello Kitty gift bag, a Hello Kitty birthday card, and her actual birthday gift/present. I sort of went overboard with the Hello Kitty theme, thanks to my other girl cousin who was helping me shop for supplies.

I wonder if this message would be appropriate to write in the birthday card: "?Happy birthday! I'm really glad you're in my life. You make me smile every day!"

This is number 27 from this link:

http://www.futurescopes.com/romantic-ideas/8715/30-creative-ways-say-happy-birthday

l'm planning to give her the letter and her gift during the first week of July but before July 4th. Hopefully she is able to come by and pick up her "package" by July 3rd so that she can open it on July 4th and I'm going out to be out of town that same day. This will give her time to read the letter. Just in case she forgets, I'm going to put a note on both sides of the gift bag that says, "Please do not open contents until July 4th. Thank you!" This might look tacky on the gift bag and I'm unsure if I should even put the not on the bag.

But, I don't know what she will say, what her response will be, or how she will feel after reading the letter even though she has a boyfriend right now.

Please let me know what you think. Thank you.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

JackQ,

Yup, she would be your first cousin.

After all you've said, I would say that since she has a boyfriend right now, she will take it as platonic. But, should this relationship of hers go south, she will probably look to you for support. If so, you'll have to tread lightly. You don't want her to jump into yet another relationship on the rebound, even with you. You could encourage her to not focus on a relationship, and if she feels the need to go out, that you would take her out. From what you describe, that would not be out of the norm for the two of you anyhow. If anything such as that were to happen, at that point, you could use the old tried and true "If you weren't my cousin..." line to gauge her feelings toward you.

Of course, all of this hinges on her being single. You do not want to interfere with her current relationship. Even if the guy turns out to be an asshat, you have to keep your peace until SHE figures that out. You will do well even at your young age to develop no stomach for any sort of love triangle. I'm twice your age, and have seen nothing but heartache come to at least one of the parties involved, and usually, in the end, ALL parties involved. Don't put yourself in the middle of it.

Also, allow me another observation, if you would. Personally, I think you should edit your post, and remove her pic from it. I'm a mod, and I accepted the mod position for a couple reasons. First, was to play "whack-a-mole" with the spammers on the site here. The next, was, to the best of my ability, to protect the anonymity of our members here. Being a mod, I have access to IP numbers and such, and use that information in a general way, to take a peek at where our members are, to be sure they are not going to run afoul of the law. I've regrettably scared a member or two off with that, before I could reassure them that I wasn't some sort of hacker or stalker or whatever, and was only going to give them some information they needed to "fly under the radar" legally where they lived.  (More on that to you shortly) I like the fact that this site is by and large totally anonymous, and would like to see that anonymity protected. I would destroy my computer and take the consequences if push came to shove. If you would, for your AND her sake, edit your post, and drop the pics. Should something develop between the two of you in the future, and with her consent, you two would like to post pics, there is a thread here to do that in. Until then, I think it advisable to delete the pics, and as such, I'm advising you to do so.

Now, to the "more" things for you to consider. You don't mention where you are, (and as I always say in this situation) so, I won't either. But, again, I did take a quick peek to see where you are. You are NOT really in what we consider to be one of the more "friendly" States to begin a cousin couple relationship. You aren't in the worst one IMHO, (Wisconsin) but you could still be asking for some drama. Considerable drama, actually. Where you are, first cousin sexual contact is considered criminal. Felonious, actually. There is an "out" in your situation, in that there is an "exception" clause whereby you could legally marry in a State that allows it, and live where you are legally, and LEGAL drama free. Way ahead of where you are, BUT, I will tell you that you had best tread very lightly if the two of you ever do get any further physically than innocently holding hands whilst shopping. You would have to keep any such physical relationship on the VERY down low. I notice by her pic, and, from your description of your family and their situation/profession, I will assume you as well, are of Asian decent. That being the case, what kind of family drama would you expect, should all of this come about, and subsequently become common knowledge? Even though there are legal steps you could take, I also wonder if you would be willing to overcome any cultural drama from family. Even though my knowledge of Asian culture is sadly limited, I do take it that the opinion of elder family members on such matters are generally taken much more seriously than other ethnicities here in the States. Do you think they would wig out on you, or do you think they would be open minded enough to hear you out? I don't want to scare you out of pursuing her, mind you, I just want you to consider your options, and your potential drama. We can, and gladly would, hold your hand and walk you through what you would need to do to "CYA" as we say. We do it all the time. That's a big part of why we're here. We aren't lawyers, and we don't give legal advice, but we are fairly good at finding the "hoops and loopholes". Again, I hope this doesn't throw cold water on you, but gives you things to consider, and, if needed, ask further advice on.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hey why dont you deliver yourself instead of asking her to pick it up !!!! its her birthday and its girl !!! i think your message to her is ok cause its not really suspicious to your other relatives :)

im not trying to discourage you about the letter  but the love letter that he wrote for me put us on trouble his sister found the rough copy in his room. Were still together now but we cant hangout now like we sleep together ( not sexual) not even talk in front of our relatives because they found out the letter, were trying to deny it to everyone. Everytime we see each other and try to talk in front of everyone they call us disgusting !!! I hope when you give that letter to her tell her to hide it properlyyy and I hope you guys dont experience what were experiencing right now :))

Goodluckkk :) 

By the way you guys are older than us  :tongue:

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hey why dont you deliver yourself instead of asking her to pick it up !!!! its her birthday and its girl !!! i think your message to her is ok cause its not really suspicious to your other relatives :)

im not trying to discourage you about the letter  but the love letter that he wrote for me put us on trouble his sister found the rough copy in his room. Were still together now but we cant hangout now like we sleep together ( not sexual) not even talk in front of our relatives because they found out the letter, were trying to deny it to everyone. Everytime we see each other and try to talk in front of everyone they call us disgusting !!! I hope when you give that letter to her tell her to hide it properlyyy and I hope you guys dont experience what were experiencing right now :))

Goodluckkk :) 

By the way you guys are older than us  :tongue:

I would like to deliver her package to her, but I actually don't have a driver's license or a permit, so I can only walk to work since I live across the street from work. I hope that she does come by, while I'm working, to pick up her gift. I know it's her birthday. Transportation is the only issue I have. Yeah, I hope that it won't sound or look too suspicious from nosy and prying eyes.

I'm sorry to hear about your cousin's sister finding out about the letter. I'm pretty sure that if both our parents and the entire family finds out, they'll be disgusted, too. Yes, I'll write the message you gave me about telling her to hide the letter(s) onto the actual letter. Yes, let's both hope that my relatives don't find out. However, everytime I see her alone, without her current boyfriend, I'm happy. But when I do see her with her boyfriend, it sort of makes my heart hurt a bit and hits a nerve and I feel jealous.

But, hey, maybe when you two become adults, maybe the both of you can move out and find a place of your own and be together whenever you both want without your relatives interfere with your lives. I wish you both the best of luck as well. Thanks!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

ohhh ! why you dont have drivers license !! How far is her house from yours ???

I feel happy too when i see him just  sitting alone by himself or talking to  my other guys cousin what  I hate is that when he talks to my girls cousin or sister it makes me really mad and jealous  :grin:

I told him that if he wants to talk to them, talk to them when im not around :) Its really hard when the person you like / love is your cousin cause we cant say anything we want  in  front of everyone not like the ordinary boyfriend/girlfriend.

Were planning to move out too i hope next year !!! Were still savingg moneyyy and finishing our school.

Hey tell us the story after you give your letter and gift to herr !!! :) ill be waiting for your story :))))

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey. I don't have a driver's license because I'm too afraid to drive. There are people that don't pay attention and they're the ones causing accidents. We all live in the suburbs. However, she lives in a house together with her boyfriend and another cousin, who recently moved to another country, in the city. I think she sometimes divides her time between her parent's house and the house in the city. I'm not exactly sure.

It's nice to hear that you both are saving up money and are planning on moving out. I wish I was able to save up money and move out and be on my own. Maybe I can move to another state where I am able to work and not just be limited to only driving.

I will definitely come back here and tell you guys the story and give full details. I hope she likes/loves my gift to her. I also don't think any of her ex-boyfriends bought her any gifts. Although, the current boyfriend did buy her some gifts.

I'm just hoping she will be available to come by while I'm working my shift the day before July 4th.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

JackQ,

Yup, she would be your first cousin.

After all you've said, I would say that since she has a boyfriend right now, she will take it as platonic. But, should this relationship of hers go south, she will probably look to you for support. If so, you'll have to tread lightly. You don't want her to jump into yet another relationship on the rebound, even with you. You could encourage her to not focus on a relationship, and if she feels the need to go out, that you would take her out. From what you describe, that would not be out of the norm for the two of you anyhow. If anything such as that were to happen, at that point, you could use the old tried and true "If you weren't my cousin..." line to gauge her feelings toward you.

Of course, all of this hinges on her being single. You do not want to interfere with her current relationship. Even if the guy turns out to be an asshat, you have to keep your peace until SHE figures that out. You will do well even at your young age to develop no stomach for any sort of love triangle. I'm twice your age, and have seen nothing but heartache come to at least one of the parties involved, and usually, in the end, ALL parties involved. Don't put yourself in the middle of it.

Also, allow me another observation, if you would. Personally, I think you should edit your post, and remove her pic from it. I'm a mod, and I accepted the mod position for a couple reasons. First, was to play "whack-a-mole" with the spammers on the site here. The next, was, to the best of my ability, to protect the anonymity of our members here. Being a mod, I have access to IP numbers and such, and use that information in a general way, to take a peek at where our members are, to be sure they are not going to run afoul of the law. I've regrettably scared a member or two off with that, before I could reassure them that I wasn't some sort of hacker or stalker or whatever, and was only going to give them some information they needed to "fly under the radar" legally where they lived.  (More on that to you shortly) I like the fact that this site is by and large totally anonymous, and would like to see that anonymity protected. I would destroy my computer and take the consequences if push came to shove. If you would, for your AND her sake, edit your post, and drop the pics. Should something develop between the two of you in the future, and with her consent, you two would like to post pics, there is a thread here to do that in. Until then, I think it advisable to delete the pics, and as such, I'm advising you to do so.

Now, to the "more" things for you to consider. You don't mention where you are, (and as I always say in this situation) so, I won't either. But, again, I did take a quick peek to see where you are. You are NOT really in what we consider to be one of the more "friendly" States to begin a cousin couple relationship. You aren't in the worst one IMHO, (Wisconsin) but you could still be asking for some drama. Considerable drama, actually. Where you are, first cousin sexual contact is considered criminal. Felonious, actually. There is an "out" in your situation, in that there is an "exception" clause whereby you could legally marry in a State that allows it, and live where you are legally, and LEGAL drama free. Way ahead of where you are, BUT, I will tell you that you had best tread very lightly if the two of you ever do get any further physically than innocently holding hands whilst shopping. You would have to keep any such physical relationship on the VERY down low. I notice by her pic, and, from your description of your family and their situation/profession, I will assume you as well, are of Asian decent. That being the case, what kind of family drama would you expect, should all of this come about, and subsequently become common knowledge? Even though there are legal steps you could take, I also wonder if you would be willing to overcome any cultural drama from family. Even though my knowledge of Asian culture is sadly limited, I do take it that the opinion of elder family members on such matters are generally taken much more seriously than other ethnicities here in the States. Do you think they would wig out on you, or do you think they would be open minded enough to hear you out? I don't want to scare you out of pursuing her, mind you, I just want you to consider your options, and your potential drama. We can, and gladly would, hold your hand and walk you through what you would need to do to "CYA" as we say. We do it all the time. That's a big part of why we're here. We aren't lawyers, and we don't give legal advice, but we are fairly good at finding the "hoops and loopholes". Again, I hope this doesn't throw cold water on you, but gives you things to consider, and, if needed, ask further advice on.

Hi. Yes, I'm treading lightly and taking precautions when her boyfriend is around. I don't want to spook the both of them, as that will make me look suspicious. I'm acting like everything is normal as if I never did fall in love with her. I'm not being mean, but I hope that their relationship does go south, as she has the history of dating really unattractive guys. It's a mystery to me and why she would like them. I know it's not all about appearance but rather personality. But still. When will I be able to use the traditional "If you weren't my cousin..." line? I was hoping she'd be single. I guess not.

I'm keeping my distance and am not going to get caught in this love triangle and suffer the heartaches and consequences. Yeah, I looked at the U.S. maps for cousin marriages and where I live, it's not going to happen. I wish I could live in a state that allows this, but even if I do, there's a high probabilty that she will not follow me because her parents and our other cousins and relatives are all here. Not to mention that we were both born and raised here, too.

I wish we could still hold hands now, but we can't anymore and haven't, ever since the last time we did. Yes, we're both Asian. I'd expect a stern talking to and other unpleasent drama.

I will definiely ask about the "CYA" sometime in the future.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Update: For all of you that are fortunate to marry your cousin, you're lucky and I'm very happy for you. But, to me, this is unreal. It's like I have nothing left but a broken, crushed, sunken, and shattered heart. Below is her reply via text message, after reading a "love" letter I wrote to her, with a name change for privacy reasons:

"JackQ, I got your gift from my mom and I want to thank you for putting thought into it. What I am about to tell you might be very hard for you to accept, but I can't tell you what you want to hear. To me, we were raised like siblings and I always cared for you because you are like a brother to me. I'm sorry that I can not accept your feelings for me because I do not see you in a romantic way. I know that you have held those feelings in and that it took a lot of courage for you to tell me, but I'm not comfortable with them. You're a very passionate person and you deserve someone who loves you romantically. I am not that person for you because even though other people might accept cousin love, our family does not. I hope that you understand and take in what I am saying. You are important to me, but if you continue on pursuing this, I don't think we can talk. Again, thank you for caring and I know that you never meant to harm me or wish harm on me, but I am hurt and sad because we shouldn't be in this position. I hope that you can find someone to talk to and ease whatever pain I might have brought to you. Good night."

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i'm sorry jack. i know that's gotta be rough. but it's clear in her note to you that she cares for you very much (in a non-romantic sort of way). maybe it would have been easier if she'd been hateful and mean, but be glad that she wasn't. she's right, you'll find someone whose world you will rock one day... and she'll rock yours, too.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry to hear that its left you feeling this way of having a crushed heart etc...    I guess its best not to carry on persuing things further with her because like she said she doesn't think she could talk to you again if you do.  Its hard i know but if its any help for you, your not the only one, think its hard for a lot/maybe most who find themselves in a similar situation.    There's a true saying though, its best to have loved than to never have loved at all  :smiley:

Talking of birthday gifts, i messaged my cousin to wish him a happy birthday and i'm going to buy and send him a canvas pic... of me to hang on his wall. He replied back saying thanks and all for wishing him hb etc... My cousin knows i think that i'm attracted to him and i know nothing will probably come out of it but that's life i guess but he's not bothered by it, i just rely on fate lol

Hope you find peace and happiness in your life and time heals for you, it sucks but one always has to move on without bitterness etc....

Good luck

nessa76 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If it's possible, could you guys please help breakdown, word for word, sentence by sentence, what she means in her reply? Like reading between the lines and observing "hidden" messages. I don't quite understand some things she said to me. Please help. Thanks!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi, JackQ,

I'd really like to do that for you but there's really nothing to break down.  What she wrote is pretty plain and simple.  She cares for you and doesn't want to lose you as a friend but she has no romantic intentions.  If you are unable to see her as a great friend without having romantic inclinations, she will have to stop being your friend as well and that will make family situations very awkward for you both.

Actually, you should expect that your next couple of times together will be a little awkward, at least for you, anyway.  All I can say to that is that it will pass *if* you are willing to be her good friend and move on from this.

As the others have said, there is a future Mrs. JackQ out there and she will love you very much.  With any luck, she'll meet with your cousin's full approval (meaning that the two gals will be good friends, having genuine concern for you foremost in their minds) and you will all get along very well.  In that same vain, hopefully, you will become friends with the future Mr. Cousin, whomever that may be, and you'll respect him and their relationship. 

Never stop loving her... just learn to love her differently.  Agape, not Eros. :)

Best wishes,

CM

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What does she mean by, "You're a very passionate person..."? I would like to try and ask her but I sent her text messages saying that I do see her as a sister, like how she sees me as a brother, but I also see more than just that. I kind of told her that any guy would be lucky to have her as a girlfriend/wife. I then regrettably said that I wish that I was that lucky guy. Oops. I also told her that I am proud to have molded (not my exact words) her into the woman that is today. I have yet to recieve a reply from her.

What's the best way for us both to make things better? As if this conversation never happened? I'm thinking about just giving her her space and time. Not contacting her. Although, her birthday is this week and I would like to send her second gift I bought her, which I thought would have been a better gift than the first gift, but I checked too late. Should I send her the second gift? Would this be a bit excessive? I hope that this wound would heal in both our hearts. You guys may have more experience than us. Please give me advice.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Soorrryyy to hearrr that Jackkq -.- i thought im going to read some goodneewwss !! Anywayss i hope youre still doing fine. If you need someone to talk too just post here and we'll  be heree !! Godblesss !!

- Cathyy S .

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Soorrryyy to hearrr that Jackkq -.- i thought im going to read some goodneewwss !! Anywayss i hope youre still doing fine. If you need someone to talk too just post here and we'll  be heree !! Godblesss !!

- Cathyy S .

Hi. I thought I was going to be hearing some good news, as well. But it turned out to be the complete opposite of good. I wished that I could tell you that I'm doing "fine", when, in fact, I am not.  :cry:

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

don't send her the second gift. if you can return it to where you bought it, do so. jack, i know it's hard to accept, but you need to give her space right now. LOTS of space. you need to go radio silent with her for a long time, and then keep it casual once you resume communication. if you don't, you're just going to drive her so far away she'll never want to be friends again.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

don't send her the second gift. if you can return it to where you bought it, do so. jack, i know it's hard to accept, but you need to give her space right now. LOTS of space. you need to go radio silent with her for a long time, and then keep it casual once you resume communication. if you don't, you're just going to drive her so far away she'll never want to be friends again.

Thanks for the advice. As much as I want to, I can't return it. I mean, I can, but I really don't want to becuase she is still really important to me, too. I guess I can save it for next year. Yes, I think I am going to go dark, lay low, and keep a low profile, would probably be best for her and me. I just hope that I don't have to see her at work. If I do see her at work, I'll probably act like our conversation never happened, because we both might need to act professionally and not let our personal lives interfere with our work life. It'll probably be difficult for me to make eye contact with her because I'll feel so uneasy.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd save the gift til next year if that's what you want to do, i'd do the same if my cousin didn't accept my belated birth... present for him.

If i read your post correctly, it seems like its family dissaproval that your cousin won't get involved with you romantically. As said give her plenty of space & let her come round in her own time, otherwise your going to drive her away and then you'll only end up learning it the hard way.

I know its not easy for you but try and keep your chin up, otherwise its just going to ware you down :smiley:

nessa76

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd save the gift til next year if that's what you want to do, i'd do the same if my cousin didn't accept my belated birth... present for him.

If i read your post correctly, it seems like its family dissaproval that your cousin won't get involved with you romantically. As said give her plenty of space & let her come round in her own time, otherwise your going to drive her away and then you'll only end up learning it the hard way.

I know its not easy for you but try and keep your chin up, otherwise its just going to ware you down :smiley:

nessa76

Thanks for the advice. I just hope that she does have a change of heart for her not accepting my feelings for her and does in deed accept my feelings for her and one day we will get married. I'm going to have to rely on fate, too. Wait. Is there a possiblity that she might have feelings for me, too, since you said, and I quote, "If i read your post correctly, it seems like its family dissaproval that your cousin won't get involved with you romantically."?

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Its a 50/50 chance that she has feelings for you, i don't know her and only she knows how she feels. Going off your post though, its family thats her biggest concern because she obviously values family and doesn't want to be rejected by them since they won't accept it and to end up losing their respect for you both. I know its hard for you but hopefully now you can see it from her point of view as well as yours, even though your view is completely different to hers. I guess its a 50/50 chance that anything will happen between you both in the long term but don't pressure her because you'll lose her for good and then you'll definitely regret the action of pressuring her

That's the way it seems to me, if "EVERYTHING" you put is what she replied in the note for you :smiley:

nessa76

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Its a 50/50 chance that she has feelings for you, i don't know her and only she knows how she feels. Going off your post though, its family thats her biggest concern because she obviously values family and doesn't want to be rejected by them since they won't accept it and to end up losing their respect for you both. I know its hard for you but hopefully now you can see it from her point of view as well as yours, even though your view is completely different to hers. I guess its a 50/50 chance that anything will happen between you both in the long term but don't pressure her because you'll lose her for good and then you'll definitely regret the action of pressuring her

That's the way it seems to me, if "EVERYTHING" you put is what she replied in the note for you :smiley:

nessa76

Actually, I forgot to take a photo of the hand written letter I wrote to her and I also forgot to edit the original digital copy of the letter on my iphone. But, I think I wrote this from a Yahoo Answers Q and A:

"Cousin marriages are very common all over the world. In fact, the U.S. is the only country in the Western world that has prohibitions against first cousin marriages and even there, they are legal in 26 states."

I shortened it down/edited it a bit when I wrote the letter so that it could fit a full, 3-page, hand written letter. I think it's because of this answer that I took from Yahoo Answers, is why she said "I am not that person for you because even though other people might accept cousin love, our family does not." and also why you said "If i read your post correctly, it seems like its family dissaproval that your cousin won't get involved with you romantically."

I really don't think she has any romantic feelings for me like she said. She only sees me as a brother and nothing more. I'm truly heartbroken and I still feel the shockwaves from my shattered heart. This pain is really agonizing. All I can do now is watch hopelessly when she is with her boyfriend. I'm powerless to do anything.

I hope and wish that someday, one day, even, she sees me as more than a brother and we could get married. Just like all of you fellow cousins that are happily married to one another.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Awww Jack, I'm so sorry. I know you must be feeling like your heart has been ripped out and stepped on right now. I agree with one of the other posters, who said things might have been a bit easier if she had been "mean" in her response. When someone responds with love, but not the kind of love we want and need, it can hurt worse than if they flipped their lids and told us to go pound sand. :(

To me, it does seem like she meant exactly what she said. She was probably trying to spare your feelings as much as possible. I don't think she wants to hurt you and was trying to let you down easy.

If I were you, I'd take a bit lf a break from her for a while, for your feelings sake. Hanging around her and talking to her, while it might feel sorta good, will only serve to stir up the feelings of heartbreak and rejection.  It might be best to steer clear of your cousin for at least a little while (a month maybe?) just so you can have time to grieve and process your emotions without having them repeatedly waved in your face.

I haven't told my cousin yet, but I'm anticipating a similar response and fully plan to retreat for a while if things don't go well. Overall, give yourself time to grieve and cry and feel your emotions. If you ever need some support or to vent, you can PM me. We're here to support you man.  Stay strong. :)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your content will need to be approved by a moderator

Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   You have pasted content with formatting.   Remove formatting

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor