Life gave me a second chance with her. Need help!

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So here's my story:

My name is Avinash and I'm 24 years old. The girl involved here is my second cousin. She's 25 and a year and a half older to me.

I never knew her well for 20 years. So much so that I didn't know her first name until the age of 16 and referred to her with her nickname i.e. 'Honey'. I had only met her a handful of times and the only time I had ever spent with her alone was an afternoon where her mom left her at my place so we could play. I guess I was 8 back then. The thing was that I was always shy of her as she was one of the prettiest girl I knew and was I was a shy child in general so she used to freak me out. I used to avoid eye contact with her fearing that she might say 'hi' and approach me to talk. I always thought she was special and was awestruck be her.

The connection began when I turned 20. She started commenting on my Facebook status and other posts. I started doing the same on her wall and that is how we started talking. We hit it off with the speed of light. Within two days of starting to talk to each other we became so close that we began to share secrets. We exchanged numbers and a single day didn't go by where we did not talk. This was during July 2010. By the time it was December I began cursing my luck because she was related to me. Sometime in March 2011 we had a huge fight over something silly and after cooling down we decided to go on a date (we felt so bad about it that seeing each other's faces seemed like the best way to patch up again as we were fascinated with one another and had not met since we became friends). The date kept on getting delayed as she was studying medicine and didn't have the time for me. More fights ensued because of this. Finally on the 5th of July, 2011 we we went out and it was the most magical night of my life. I felt a little weird as she never gave me my personal space and was looking for every chance to hold my hand. There was a hell lot of sexual tension inside me. Fast forward two weeks and I'm listening to 'Just the way you are' by Bruno Mars, a song we both loved and the only person I could think of was her. That was the moment I realised, 'Oh no! I'm in love!'. It felt weird and wrong but exciting at the same time even though there are two married couples in our extended family that are cousins. That is also the the time when I came across this website. We began fighting a lot over silly things and my habit of overthinking stuff and then making up for it constantly (but never met). As 2012 set in, her internship began at a hospital and we barely even spoke and fought even more as she didn't even have time to talk to me. This was my fault as I wasn't prepared to deal with a busy life of a doctor but in my defence I wanted all her attention as I was afraid of the uncertain future I could have with her If I let her know about my feelings. I began writing really romantic poetry for her which she absolutely loved as she herself was into poetry. I always knew she couldn't live without me but unfortunately her career never gave her the time because of the night shifts at the hospital. Whatever we had between us had become so obvious that my family and friends came to know that I love her and were okay with it. By August 2012 our relationship had worsened so much that telling her that I loved her and cared for her more than anything or anyone else seemed like the only solution. I decided to do it and stood outside her house with flowers of her favorite color, a box full of memorabilia including a handwritten letter she wrote me, a toll ticket from our first date, and a bottle of water we had shared from another date. I was prepared for the worse i.e. getting thrown out of her life. I told her to come out but she was so mad at me that she never did and I had to tell her about my feelings over the phone. She said she was shocked and whatever that happened was just wrong. She told me she needed some time off to think and when I contacted her again in January she said she cannot be with me anymore and that she never had feelings for me which I knew was bullshit as she was just trying to mask the fact that it wasn't working out due to the constant fighting. She decided that she never wants to talk to me again. I tried contacting her for a few months after that but she eventually blocked me on Facebook and my phone number. The best part was that we always respected each other and were never abusive nor prone to raising our voices while fighting and basically respected each other a lot. In May 2013 she moved to Chicago with an intention of never coming back to advance her career. On the day of her brother's wedding I texted her saying that we must forget what happened but she did not reply. I taught myself to hate her after that as she pretended everything was fine when she came back home for her brother's wedding and would come and talk to me during the wedding even though I was ignoring her. Immediately after the wedding she went back to Chicago and began ignoring me like always.

Fast forward to June 2014. She left Chicago in between came back home for good as she missed it. It was my brother's wedding in another city and she was there too. She tried to make eye contact with me and tried to talk but I ignored her as I still hated her because of her fake behavior last year and for ignoring me all the time. While going back someone told me she's on the same flight back home with me. I still had no intention of talking to her right up to the security check after getting our boarding passes. Her face was pissing me off. I saw her sitting alone waiting for the flight and I had a change of heart. I was staring at her for a minute while she was watching a movie on her laptop. I told myself, 'Avinash, look at that face! You cannot hate her! You have never loved any other girl as much as you've loved her. Lose the ego and go talk to her. You may never get a chance to talk to her again and that too alone'.

And I did! I went and sat next to her and told her that it's high time we start acting normally. She said she was trying to get my attention all day yesterday but gave up in the end. We spoke further and made up. We sat together on the flight and caught up with the 2 years we spent apart. But we didn't het intimate. While parting at the airport we promised each other to not screw up phase 2 of whatever this is between is. This happened yesterday!

It is a new beginning to a Journey that has lasted 4 years. I'll have to start from scratch. I think she doesn't have feelings for me at the moment. But I want to make her my bride! No matter what! God has given me a second chance. From losing her forever to patching up. I don't know what to do. Please help. I have a short window of a year or max two before she considers finding a guy to get married. PLEASE HELP! I'll lay down my life for her. 


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