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casinoclouds

Help! Does he like me?

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I'm glad I found this place because this is driving me nuts. Ok, so about a month ago my cousin texted me asking if I could come pick him up. Before this point, I've only ever seen him around at family functions or when visiting my uncle and he was there. Anyways, that text set off a chain of events. And he's been living with my family and I for about three weeks now. During that time, I developed a little crush on him. I'm very shy but I try to talk when I can think of something to say. I like everything about him and I think he's such a beautiful person.

Here's my issue though. I don't know if he likes me. Everything he does and says is ambiguous or contradictory. On one hand, it seems he might like me because he told my mom he needed a girl like me listing off reasons why, one being that I was beautiful. Not only that, but I asked him to go to the movies with me one day and, on the way, he said, "I clean up real good, don't I?" And I said yes. So then he said, "Too bad I'm your cousin." He said it twice, but then he told my mom what he said later on, poking me as he passed by when he said it. He also mentioned that "You know if I go with you, people are gonna think we're together." While we were driving, some guy next to us was looking at me and my cousin stared him down til he looked away but I think that might be because I told him he could keep guys from approaching me. Then, during the movie he kept nudging me when something funny happened. I don't know if that's normal or what. One day coming in the door, I felt something on my back pocket. It was his hand; he said he was trying to show how easy it would be to get my wallet from my pocket. Another day, he had a box in his hands when we were coming in, and he bumped me from behind. He could see so I don't know if that was purposeful or not though he said he was trying to get the door for me.

I also catch him staring at me sometimes. He's asked me about whether he should shave or not, saying he needed a woman's opinion but I read somewhere guys do that just to know what you like. On the other hand, he's always mentioning girls and looking at them. So maybe I'm overthinking everything. Well, we're planning on being roommates once he saves up so I need to get a handle on this before that happens or I'm really going to go insane. Need some help here. What are some subtle hints I can throw his way or little things I can say to let him know I like him without outright going yoooo I like you. And does any of that sound like he might like me too? I'm so confused, he confuses me. Like I said, I'm shy. Oh, I'm 26 and he's 33 and we live in lovely SC, USA. Sorry for the novel, but I thought it beneficial for you to have all the evidence on the table. Help!

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casinoclouds, 

Positive signs for you:

He's mentioned these things.

You Mom didn't flip out when he did. (or if she did, you didn't mention it)

He's at the very least flirting, and whether intentional or not, you are too.

He's already used what we refer to as the old tried and true "If you weren't my cousin" line. (or, his variation)

He's asked you to be his roomy, or, it was some sort of mutual agreement. Either way, that part of it is mutual.

In "lovely SC,USA", unless you are double first cousins, it is perfectly legal for you to pursue a relationship, up to and including marriage. (if your Mom didn't wig out, it's probably because she realizes this)

Issues you may be facing:

He's ambiguous. Ok. Have you ever really dealt with many men, especially ones who are contemplating a relationship with you? Initially, we're usually pretty ambiguous.

He's contradictory. Well, at least it isn't just women who are that way... :grin:

You're going to move in with him, not knowing exactly how he feels. It might be time to find out, and perhaps NOT so subtly as you would like. They say "love is blind, but marriage is an eye opener." Well, so is living with someone. If you two move in together, it won't be long before you find out just how much you like each other. And it may, or may not, be as much as you think.  :shocked:

If I were you, I would dig a little deeper into this "Too bad you're my cousin" thing. Ask him exactly what he means when he says that. If he says that it's the only thing stopping him from asking for more of a relationship with you, then you will know how he feels. What you do with that information is up to you. If you do feel the same, only don't really care that he is your cousin, you may as well tell him "Yeah, it's an issue, but I don't think it's quite as big an issue as you may think. At least not to me. I've actually thought the same thing, enough so to have looked into it." Not a lie. You've ended up here, after all now, haven't you?  :wink:

As far as the living arrangements, IMHO, if you can afford it, (and this sounds like your obvious plan, since there's been no hanky panky so far, more less out in the open relationship) is to have a two bedroom place. The eventual sleeping arrangements would be subject to change, and NOT for public consumption. It also "keeps up appearances" for nosy-arse friends and family. Plus, it DOES give you each your own space. Even if something develops, you may not always sleep together. You may work different hours. One may like to stay up later than the other, and not want to disturb their sleep. If something should develop, it may be "hot and heavy" initially, but, things cool down, and people get comfortable with each other, and appreciate giving each other a breather sometimes. Having your own space is nice. And, there's always room for those "middle of the night visits" to the other room.... :evil:

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I do think he's trying to give you a chance to chime in on the relationship with the "too bad I'm your cousin" and "I need a girl like you" comments.  Don't be afraid to broach the topic with him, you never know what may happen!

On the other hand, I do NOT think you should live with him right now, even in a platonic situation.  You need some distance from him to determine if this guy is worthy of a romantic relationship with you.  If you go ahead and live as roommates, your emotions are going to go on a serious roller coaster ride and you will not be able to view him and the relationship objectively.  You've gotta take things nice and slow and not jump into a situation that may prove difficult for you if things go sour. 

P.S.  Guys look at other women.  That's just the way it is.  They can't help themselves.  They are drawn to shiny, beautiful objects.  It rarely means that he's not interested/in love with you.  :cheesy:

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Thanks for the responses! They helped a lot. Just as an update, I decided to just tell him I have a crush on him and see how he took it. I texted him earlier and no response. Yesterday, I studied his body language to be more sure that he might like me before I did something this crazy and unlike me. The signs were good. He's working but I know he checks his phone cuz I see when he was last on Facebook chat. I'm glad he hasn't said anything yet. That means he either didn't get it (unlikely) or he wants to talk about it in person when he gets home or maybe he just wants to ignore it. All are fine with me because I was so scared about it and it's better than getting an ew you're messed up response. So! Shall see what happens soon. Thanks again.

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