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Is it just me?

Guest High Hopes

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Guest High Hopes

Hi everyone. I came to this site because it's probably the only place where talking about this kind of thing won't get you nasty or harsh replies and I'm also trying to figure out if my cousin and I have feelings for one another. Any advice would be really appreciated as this thing has kind of started to eat away at me and I want to know whether I should carry on like nothing has happened between the two of us or take a course of action. I'm not sure this will be a short post but please hang in there.

To start off, I'll give you guys some background. We have known each other literary since infancy, we were born a day apart and are both 20. I know I love her to death as a cousin. She's funny, sweet, laid back and caring and at times out chemistry is ridiculous. Anyway I live in the U.S. and she lives in Mexico. My family usually visits every 1 to 2 years in the summer but we have gone up to four years without visiting at time.

We always had fun together and got along great as kids but never had a very close connection, just a noticeable one if that makes sense. I have been attracted to her in many ways since we were young but didn't ever act on any feelings because of the fact that we're first cousins and I used to think that was wrong. I can now see that there's cleary nothing wrong except that it can stir up family drama. Now, my problem here is that it's obvious to me that I like her but I can't be so sure that she feels anything more than cousinly love with me. Some of our past interactions make me wonder though.

Heres where it starts. 4 years ago I had visited Mexico for the first time in 4 years so it had been a while since we had seen eachother. She had matured beautifly. During that visit we definitly started to connect more and more. One night'we all attended her brothers graduation banquet. My grandparents were there as well as my Moms four brothers and my cousins. I was in a relationship at the time and had been arguing with my ex that night and was feeling down . My cousin and I sat at the same table and I decided I would just stop texting my ex for the night and enjoy the banquet. Well, It turns out everyone was getting loaded on hard liquor and I wanted in on the fun so I asked my cousin if she'd drink with me and we ended up getting really drunk and spent that whole evening on a staircase. Away from the party and in our own world. Talking about our relationships, giving advice on things, and playing around. We both flirted and were giddy as hell about it. When we would walk together we interlocked our arms I would lead her through the crowds and all. She seemed to love it as did I. That night my sister and I decided to we'd spend the night at my cousins house after she invited us over. We all slept in her room on a couple matresses on the floor . I dont remember much after getting to her room but I do remeber playing woth eachothers hands as we laid there. The whole thimg was kinda romantic but she ended up pulling away as she started to sober up.

There was another incident two years later when we were at a family party in my grandfathers ranch. I ended up drinking with my sister, cus, her brother and his friend. It seems as though when we drink we start to show eachother the way we feel. Maybe its the impaired judgement that makes us not care what others are observing because we geld hands the whole night and looked like a couple. My sister did point this out to me the next day and i felt a bit embarrassed. My cousin must have too because we both acted like nothing had happened the following days. We just remained friendly with one another for the rest of my stay but on the night before I left for the U.S. we had an intimatw moment where we held eachother for over a minute.

Yet im still confused as to how she feels just because we havent spoken of these moments we have had together or talked about our feelings. So there is no definite way of knowing. Also we dont talk. \: Im not into the whole social networking thing and the only way to talk to her would be through an application on my smartphone where I can send messages to hers via internet. But still, there is a slight, slight communication barrier as she only speaks spanish and Im not as fluent as Id like to be. I dont know whether to try and talk to her and pursue these feelings that have oresurfaced. Or play it cool for now and wait to see what the next vacation brings. All I know is I miss her and want to be more involved in her life bit have no idea how to approach her online wothout it seeming out of the ordinary. She also lives in a different country and I dont think either of us have plans on moving anytime soon. Is this worth pusuing, could she possibly be open to a cousin long distance relationship, was what happened between us just a fling or does she still feel this way? *Sigh* I may never know or I just might be impatient but could one of you lend a hand or relate in any way? It would help settle my racing thoights on this. God bless you if you made it to the end of this post hahaha and thanks again.

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High Hopes,

Is it just you? Hard to tell. I thought me and mine were "close" at one week to the day part, but just WOW, ONE DAY apart? There was another cousin here once who was one day apart from their cousin they liked, but I don't recall the username. But I digress.......

When me and mine were your age, we had our "moment." We were still a little young probably. But, 20 is certainly old enough to test the waters. We jumped in head first when we should have just dipped our toes in to begin with, and taken it slower. You, being in different countries, have little choice but to take it slower. Well, at least until you are together. I will tell you this; the drinking is a mixed deal. One the one hand, yes, it breaks down the barriers and inhibitions. On the other hand, it can lead to "OMG, what the h3ll did we do last night?" and lead to regrets. Or, like us, it can lead to "This is all too overwhelming, what are people going to think?" (Which led to us backing away from it) We were partying like rock stars, and alcohol was only the half of it. We don't regret it, only letting it be awkward for many years. Part of the moral to that story too, is don't do drugs, we've grown out of that, BTW. Had we been sober, we may have taken the time to set some ground rules going in. Instead, partying it up, one thing led to another, and, well, use your imagination. Like I said, we don't regret it, but, I'd rather not see you wake up and have your regrets, or her either. I would suggest before the first drinks flow, you have a talk, and you may as well start with the standard "If you weren't my cousin, ....." thing, to see how close to the same page the two of you are on. If she agrees, and feels the same, you may as well let her know you don't really have that big a problem with it, it isn't as odd as she may think. But, when you do, know that you had better be ready to back it up, and stand up if the crap hits the fan over it. If you aren't willing to stand up to the family, then let it go now, before you AND her get hurt. You are old enough that keeping it on the down low for any length of time will become a pain. And, if it's going to be a long distance thing, you're going to have to step up the social media, or start calling, with a plan of some sort that has unlimited cross border minutes, if such a thing is out there. (I'm sure it is) But, when you do, your chances of the relationship not being found out go WAY down. One of the two of you, or both, will leave a window open, or leave your phone somewhere, someone will see it, and the cat will come screaming out of the bag. Unless you are willing to make a stand, don't make a one night stand.... even if it's on the occasions when you do visit each other, and more of a FWB thing. It will be even BIGGER drama if it becomes FWB. I'll assure you, family ain't gonna play that  :shocked:

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