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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Drea

I NEED ADVISEMENT

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My cousin of 23 years old and I (26) have recently started communicating for about a four weeks now. The more we communicated and expressed ourselves honestly the stronger our connection to one another become. We have discussed intimacy and marriage however because we both grew up in Christian households sometimes its tough to express on a deeper level what either of us really want. I was close minded to the notion of my cousin and I loving one another on a deep level now I see other wise. My cousin wants us to be FWB but I know from past experiences with non - cousin relationships that I get very emotionaly attached to the person I'm intimate with. I love and care for my cousin deeply. My cousin has strong feelings for me too. I NEED ADVICE ON HOW TO PURSUE THE SITUATION WHAT TO DO?

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friends with benefits means he wants to use you as a piece of arse. there is nothing wrong in God's eyes with cousin marriage. there is plenty wrong in God's eyes with premarital sex. there is a reason why He commands us not to get intimate before marriage.... and that reason is that He knows it will ultimately lead to heartache. He doesn't like to see His children do things that cause them such pain. tell your cousin he needs to slow the heck down, let the friendship grow into a solid foundation, and that if that foundation ever gets solid enough, he can give you a wedding ring with benefits.

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because we both grew up in Christian households sometimes its tough to express on a deeper level what either of us really want.

I'm not sure what growing up as a Christian has to do with not being able to express your feelings, hopes and desires.  But yet, you are discussing marriage and intimacy after only four weeks of "communicating"?  I noticed you did not say you were dating, only that you are "communicating".  That doesn't sound very promising. 

Besides, it sounds to me like he has no problems a'tall expressing what he wants:  Sex. 

If you embark on a FWB "relationship", that is all it will ever be.  He's a young man who hasn't decided to grow up yet.  Are you sure that's what you want? 

If you want a lasting, committed relationship, you need to look elsewhere.  At least for right now. 

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FWB? So basically he just wants to use you and then ask afterwards if he should call you a cab. 

Sometimes, in a "friends with benefits" relationship, one of the unexpected benefits is a baby.  It's possible for that to be a catalyst for a man to grow up, but I haven't seen that happen much in my lifetime.  Too many people refuse to grow up and accept responsibility for themselves, let alone a baby.  Men who explicitly lay out "ground rules" that FWB is all they want are perfect examples.

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I agree with most of the FWB comments. Its a risk you have to weigh. Would you rather have certain shallow fun, or would you take a chance on stable emotional connections? I think if you have a high risk of becoming attached to your cousin after intimate moments, it would be a disaster to be FWB. You're only setting up a situation that will be more and more difficult to deal with as time passes.

If your cousin truly has deep feelings for you, she will ask for something more. Talk to her, if possible, in a more direct manner about how you feel. If she returns it, you may have something beautiful forming. If not, perhaps its best to take the high road and not suffer along the way.

I wish you the best of luck!

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