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My cousins and I are very close and this summer that jus went by was a lot of sleep overs , outings beach trips ,drinks and nites out together.

I guess you could say me and my one guy cousin il call him tom. Started to like eachothers company more and more we hung out , thou the rest of my cousins were around . I noticed we wer too much alike , and this buzz of interest in eachother was just there everytime we would hang out. We found ourselves staying up later most nights just havin too much of good time wih eachother. Me and tom didnt grow up together, so thats why we felt like we wer almost strangers gettin to know one another besides the rest of my cousins. SO onenite we joked that there was this weird vibe between us , and its like bam he told me well he had abit too drink and admitted he thinks about me everyday and he cNt help it. Iwas gobsmacked I felt like omg I was goin to hide my feelings instead confessed too . we tLkd abit than went sleep, nxt day I couldnt look at him, nxt nite we had bbq annd we wer alone and he told me he was sorry I said dont be , than he goes nothing wont hapen unless you want to . I was kinda like no in my mind. Than ok he sleeps over and yes one nite we had pillow talk than kisses and cuddles and he was genuinely caring for me . I was getting butterflies , like ok we both confessed wer attracted to eacher and it was hard to look away sometimes . But we never do anything around others to make hem think anythings goin on. Wer so secretive , and have to be they would kill us if they found out our family would be devasted . sometimes we wish we really wer together cos its too much at times and I cry alot . Just because our relationship has hae many breaks now and because of fMily ties its not ok. But lately if he does spend time with me , when we are together its nothing wev shared with any other person. This kind of thing is so special , nothing wev had with anyone else. Sometimes its jus feels unreal and breath taking .. wer jus be in eachtohers arms all night not wanting to go . Wev shared alot of intimate moments . And now beacause of family dysfunction between his and my family we dont see eachother much. But its really complicated like thT . Hes telling me how much he hates this feeling like missin me cant stop thinking about me and im just as bad . I dont know what to do .. apparently there is this girl who fancys him and I told whatevr he wants to do im always gona be there for him no matter what. And its hard hes being honest he wants me and shes nothing compared to me but how do I react to that when I cant see anything for us . I want to continue seeing him but for now I have soo much in my life I have to do and get together before I cN think about us . So iv stopped all contact and and its the worst feeling evr . Im goin to try and get my life together than if its worth the wait , and hes there when im ready . Than il make effort to see him .. but for now this girl is in my head ...I got nothing to worry about but all I think about is how much wev falln for eachother its really heart breaking and I feel like I wana forget him . I think of the worst , like wer never goin to have a chance to be tog3ther or do me and wait and see wev had A lonng break before and came back stronger. But im jus confused about life, my life. What to do

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Guest Fake name :)

Thank you so much for your post ! I feel the same way about my first cousin, I wish I didn't but I do, we live in different countries and didn't grow up together. I have never stopped thinking about him all these years (9years)and didn't know how he felt about me. We didn't talk after we shared a few kisses one day ...it just happened.... the pull was too strong to stop it, or think about what we were doing at the time. I think about him everyday , then out of the blue about a week ago he emailed me :) he had to know ... He said how he felt and I nearly died ! It was exactly the same word for word nearly, what I wrote back :) we have told each other we love each other and want to be together:) it felt amazing to know he felt the same as me :) but.....now ....what do we do? It would mean losing our family and friends ... But if I listen to my heart....it's what I want. Why should we be unhappy because other people won't understand? I hope you all find what you are looking for, I know how hard this is believe me xxxx thanks again

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