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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Sean

I am deeply in love with my cousin and what should I do?

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Hello guys and gals out there, please spend a few minutes to read what I have to say and do give me advice.

It might be a bit confusing but here goes..

I'm a 22 year old guy and I'm in love with my 2 years older cousin. We known each other since young. She's the only child btw.

We live in a different state so we hardly ever meet.

It started a few years back when I was around 15-16 years old, it was something like a school holiday and we met again after a while. We talked we laughed we bonded and we were really close.

Somehow I had a crush on her from then on. My feelings toward her grew day by day whenever I'm with her. After the holidays, I have to go back to reality and I was sad. My feelings toward her faded each day. Well we chat once in a while. And my feelings toward her is no longer there.

After a while, we met again, at that moment I knew that I am in love with her. From then on, on and off I have feelings for her.

It's just that everytime I see her, my heart skips a beat. Even though I don't see her for months and by then I do not have feelings for her anymore. But whenever I see her again, automatically I am in love with her all over again.

We never really hold hands, she pulled my hand a couple of times, and slept on my shoulder for a few minutes but I did not do anything. I did not have the guts to hold her hands etc. I am kinda shy plus she's my cousin. It'll be so awkward if I were to do that.

We meet almost every year.

I am close to her parents and her parents treat me very well. Maybe because I'm just a nephew.

As of today, she has graduated abroad and going to start working there too. She won't be coming back to this country anymore.

I too have graduated but currently waiting to get a job.

We hardly text since she was busy. But she does text me for the important things like she's worried about her exam, and when she passed her exam she told me.

Recently we met again, and this is the worst I had ever felt.

The last time we met was last week. We went out for shopping and stuffs. The most I did was putting my hands around her shoulder while walking and put my arm around her neck for a few seconds. That's all. Well we talked, and I gave her a few advice on what to do and all. But she told me don't act like her elder brother.

You can't imagine what I felt at that very moment. My heart shattered into pieces. I feel horrible. I think she has been making me her younger brother all these while.

She has been giving me a cold shoulder since then. We came back to my state and visited some family members. It was back to normal.

Before this she hugged me and then say goodbye before she left but now she only gave me a handshake. I held back my tears, knowing that this would be the last time I will see her. She might be coming back next year but I don't think I will see her anymore. The last text from her was saying thanks for everything and she arrived safely.

Everytime in the departure hall while waiting for her flight to overseas for her studies, she will call me and talk until her flight is ready to take off. But now I don't think she'll even let me know when she's going off.

She's still in the country for the next 2 weeks before she flies off again.

And currently I feel like :bleep:. Been drowning my sorrows with leakers and listen to sad emotional songs.

I am really in love with her and I don't think that we can be together since we are cousins. Our parents might say no to us. I have never confessed my feelings to her and I don't think I will. It will just be embarrassing. And I am not sure whether she will have feelings for me too.

I had made up my mind to not see her anymore because everytime I see her, I will fall deeply in love for her all over again. And I know it's kind of impossible for the relationship to happen.

I am ready to regret for the rest of my life for not seeing her anymore because of the same reason. If she ever gets married and I'll definitely be invited, I don't think I will attend, because seeing her would make me fall in love for her.

Or if I get a job fast then and when I have a stable life, then I will confess my feelings for her. It'll be very hard cause I have to find a job in the country she's working right now since she won't be coming back anymore.

But I still choose to regret for the rest of my life.

Please help me. I really don't know what else to do or think.

Thanks.

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I don't think that we can be together since we are cousins

The reason you can't be together is not because you're cousins - it's because she does not have romantic feelings for you.

There are a lot of obstacles in your way in the pursuit of even a platonic relationship - the biggest of which is the distance between you.

It's time to take a deep breath and move on with your life.  Maybe some day down the road life will offer you another chance with her, but I would not live life in hopes of that.  All of us have experienced unrequited love and this, my dear, is your time.  Focus on your education and/or work and go on enjoying all of life you can.  Who knows, maybe in the process you will meet some other gal who will make you forget all about your cousin. 

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Thanks for your advice.

Maybe you're right. I think maybe she used to have feelings for me but not anymore. Who knows those feelings are romantic feelings.

She used to joke about us being a couple if anyone ask.

But how will she ever know whether I am in love with her if I never confessed. Besides, if I were to confess, maybe she feels the same. Or else she might think that we're cousins and it's not gonna happen. If it really happens, there're plenty obstacles to go thru.

Well, like you said maybe down the road in the future, I might have a chance with her.

But for now, I don't think I will see her again. Because by hearing her voice or seeing her, I will just instantly fall deeply in love with her. It occurred to me everytime.

I'm moving on with my life. But you know sometimes, there'll be a person in your life you just can't get over, you wish you can be with her but you can't.

So it's better for me to avoid?

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If being around her stirs up so much emotion, I think it's best to avoid her... at least until you heal. Serendipity had some good advice. I'm so sorry you are suffering through this. It's horrific pain, yes, but you can heal from it.

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Well, I'm just gonna avoid her. And I cannot afford to see her anymore.

Even though I'm fully recovered, the feelings are still there. I know because it happens to me every single time :(

Thanks GirlSaysWhat. Appreciate it

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i really think with all those feelings you should tell her how you feel. her acting not interested in you might just be her way of protecting her emotions from getting hurt since you never confessed to her what you both felt.  this planet isnt so big that you cant go there.  dont regret that you never told a person that you love them.  please text or email or phone her.

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Well it's not incest, so don't let people scare you with that first off.

Second, try to do things that might gauge her reaction to it. Maybe talk about how you to are close and such. Try something 'non-commital" at first see how she would react.

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Hello Friend

My advice is dont waste too much time ; you should tell your feelings as soon as possible so what if she is not here call her or text her !

Because telling your feelings will give you an answer and you will be able to make an decision or instead you will feel regret and sad althrough your life if you will not tell her that you Love her !

And another thing I am also confused about her so go ahead and be brave and tell everything !

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Brother, trust me you are not alone.

I don't think I can give you any advice on this because I am still finding an answer to the same question. The problem here is that you cannot take a step forward and talk to both parents unless you are sure that she also loves you.

I can understand your pain as I am going through the same situation.

It appears somebody has stabbed a knife right through your heart every time you think that you cannot be with her. It is that painful.

It's a feeling that's not letting us move forward in life.

I think GOD needs to help us, because he made her our cousin and now he needs to help us to sort this.

Be strong. It won't be end of the world. Lets hope for the best. If your love is pure, you will emerge victorious.

Pray to God. Prayer is the cure for broken heart and lost soul.

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We went out for shopping and stuffs. The most I did was putting my hands around her shoulder while walking and put my arm around her neck for a few seconds. That's all. Well we talked, and I gave her a few advice on what to do and all. But she told me don't act like her elder brother.

You can't imagine what I felt at that very moment. My heart shattered into pieces. I feel horrible. I think she has been making me her younger brother all these while. She has been giving me a cold shoulder since then.

Hey Sean, I am touched with your story. I can understand your feelings, trauma and pain. But I am not able to understand why she suddenly started giving you a cold shoulder after that shopping time? Did you say something to her? Did you try to express your love or something that might have given her some wrong signals?

Anyhow first of all you will need to find out what she actually thinks about you. I understand this is not easy. Did you see any love for you in her eyes? Do her eyes sparkle whenever she's talking to you? It's all in the eyes. Eyes don't lie.

If you feel she likes you and she is ignoring you just to avoid any troubles within the families, then I would suggest you to don't loose heart and try your best to stay in touch with her. Message her, email her, whatsapp her, call her, write poetry on facebook about your experience, send her your pics etc. so that you don't loose touch with her.

However if you are sure she has never liked you romantically - then my sincere advice for you would be to move forward in life.

Please provide more details to enable me to provide you some more suggestions.

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Hey i am sorry you are going through this i went through it but not as rough my best advice would be to just let it go and forget about it just dont think about it. Best wishes stephen :( :(

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You can tell her how you feel but dont be too surprised if you land up ruining your friendship/relationship with her. Morally its wrong I think so you should probably just forget about it and look for love elsewhere. You are still very young and theres a whole world right in front of you. I had an experience once when my male cousin tried to kiss me when I was about 14 yrs old and my whole being said it would be wrong so I pushed him away. Somehow deep down inside we already have the answers to our questions or we wouldnt find the need to ask others. Just my opinion though but Good Luck in your pursuit of Love & Happyness. :)

Lauren Mcguire

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