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priyapooja

love declared late

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Now that I am a member of this group, I am reposting what I wrote as a guest. Please read and advise/ share your views

In my teen age and young adulthood i had a crush on my cousin 6 years older than me.he was not my true cousin in the sense that our fathers were close friends but not otherwise related. However, we were reared as brothers and sisters only. The two families were staying at different locations and met annually during summer vacations. At the age of 12 he went to a residential school and did not meet my family for 6 years. But when he came back at the age of 18, he was totally a different person and I felt immediate attraction towards him. Over next 5-6 years he completed his studies and became a doctor while I completed my schooling and joined graduation. Through out this time he kept coming to our house whenever he got leave. My love only kept growing for him with time but could not tell him or family due to the relation thrust upon us. I did not know about his feelings, but he always gave me special treatment compared to all others. He always hang around by my side only and tried his best to fulfill my demands. So much so if i wrote to him to come to our house on a particular day, he would take leave and come to our place. However, I could never sum up courage to tell him or our parents about my feelings. Time again separated us, we got settled in lives with different life partners and almost forgot the past. But suddenly after 23 years of married life and having two children, I started missing him. Finally I could not control myself and requested my elder brother to find where abouts of him. My elder brother found out  his mobile number and gave to me. With tears in my eyes I spoke to him for full one hour on phone and let out all my pant up feelings. He listened patiently. At the end of the conversation he also melted down and confessed that he  equally reciprocated my love and had been waiting to hear this all along these years. But, he also said since both of us had confessed our love, we should never meet again to avoid destruction of two families. Now, I am devastated. I can not forget him. I can not meet him, I can not face my husband. I am lost. What to do?

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guest or member, my response is the same. you suck it up and honor the vows you made to your husband.

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Perhaps you should seek couples therapy with your husband. Your friend/cousin is correct that you two must avoid contact in order to prevent enormous pain to both of your families. I'm sorry.

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Unfortunately you are married.  Your vows are bound to your honor.  If you broke those vows you'd have no honor, and I don't know how I could live with myself knowing I had broken an oath I took before my God and my family.  However, if your marriage were to fall a part, I think you know you have someone out there that you're meant to be with.  For now though, it's your duty to make your marriage work and to do what ever you have to do.  You owe it to God, your family, your husband, yourself, and your children to honor your vows.

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