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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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onemiddleindn

How to tell the family

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Hello everyone,

  I am in love with my first cousin once removed, or my cousin's daughter.  So I have been wondering how to present this to her mother. Her mother has been telling me for years that she would like a son or son in law like me, but I don't know how she would react to my intention to marry her daughter. I am really nervous that she might get upset at me and tell my parents. Any advice would be great. Thanks!

Regards

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onemiddleindn,

Well, our advice will depend on a little more information. I did take the liberty of having a peek at where you are, and, if the look-up is right, it's perfectly legal for you to marry her. I suppose it depends on how old the two of you are, and how dependent you are on your parents. If you both are of age, and out on your own, our advice will tend one direction. If you or her, or both, are not of age, our advice will be considerably different. Her mother may not have as big a problem with it as you think, unless there is some cultural bias, as is possibly indicated by your user name. Is this girl in love with you too? Have you even mentioned your fondness for her to her? If she feels the same about you, and you two are just on the down low with it at this point, I know exactly what I would do. I would wait until the next time her mother said she would like a son or son-in-law like you, and I would call her bluff on it, or make her admit she wouldn't mind if it WERE you. I'd say "You've been saying this for so long, I've started taking you at your word, checked into it, and it isn't all that far fetched at all." Or, something to that effect. Only go there if the two of you are of age and on the same page though. If you are under age, I would possibly go there, but I'd certainly word it differently, and not be quite so forward about it. It wouldn't be beyond me to say something like "Well, don't completely rule it out at some point in the future....... :wink:" with a wink.  :grin:

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Well both of us are of age. I am 24 yrs old and she is 21 yrs old. The thing is her mom has been saying that, but i say that dialogue to her i feel like she will get upset and blow us off. I was thinking of showing instances in the Bible where God wanted Abraham and his descendants to marry siblings and cousins. Also, how its not forbidden to have cousin once removed marriages according to the Book of Leviticus, Canon laws, and state laws. Then there was an article how cousin marriages are coming back up in this era (http://www.businessinsider.com/the-surprising-truth-about-cousins-and-marriage-2014-2#http://www.businessinsider.com/the-surprising-truth-about-cousins-and-marriage-2014-2#). Few of my friends are okay with my relationship and are willing to help me out, but her mom is key in order to convince MY parents. That is why I wanted some advice from you guys. Thanks

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