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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest VeryMiniMe

Only the Beginning

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So I'm 15 and he is 17, and I hadn't seen him for almost three years. When I saw him again two weeks ago, sparks flew. I don't even know how to explain it myself, but all I know is that there was something undeniable about how we felt towards each other. Thank you for posting this letter, I'm terrified about what will happen if anyone finds out. Our relationship has been official for only a week, but I know that this is something that will last. If anyone has any other advice that they could offer, I'd truly appreciate it. Best wishes to all, and thank you so much in advance💕

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MiniMe

I'm going to talk to you like I would one of my own daughters, who are about your age.

Firstly, take things slowly.  Cousin or not, it's a new relationship and you don't want to move too quickly and then regret any decisions you have made.  Being with a cousin can be tricky at your age, especially if either sets of parents forbid it.  Remember, you are still obligated to abide by their rules, however unjust you may feel those rules are.  Your parents may be more supportive than you think, but if they are not, you're gonna have to cool things off with the cuz.  I know this sounds too difficult to even think about, but trust me, I'm giving you good advice here.

For now, I would be relatively casual with your cousin.  Go out together - movie, dinner, amusement park, the zoo...you get the idea, and really get to know him.  Sometimes the "sparks" aren't a good indicator of a potential love interest - but sometimes they are.  The only way to know for sure is to really get to know him.  Don't move to get too physical too soon.  In your case, I would wait several years to be completely physical, if ya know what I mean; you are so young and not ready to deal with any of the possible repercussions of sex. 

Realize that rarely do  teenage romances become long lasting ones.  Yes, sometimes they do, but that is the exception and not the rule.  Perhaps you have found your one true love.  I will not dismiss that possibility.  But I will caution you, like I do my one kiddos, that teenage romances are usually short lived, so don't get too caught up in the emotions too quickly. 

Whatever you do, DO NOT be dishonest with your parents: Do not sneak around to see this guy, do not lie to them about where you're going or who you are with.  The dishonesty will catch up with you one day and will cause even more problems for you.  You do not necessarily have to tell them that you "like" your cousin, but do not hide the relationship from them.  They will find out.

And keep your head in the books.  I know school is out for summer break now, but when the first day of school rolls around, don't let a guy distract you from working hard and doing well in your classes. 

Keep us posted on how things are going.  We are glad to help you out any way we can. 

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