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My first cousin and I

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Guest Patrick

Let me start off by saying that this is the first time we (or I really) have told anyone about this. Okay so let's start in start in the summer of 2013. My uncle lives in San Diego, California and I live in Texas. That summer of 2013, I had just turned fifteen and me, my dad, and my two older brothers came to visit California. We stayed at my uncle's beach house with them. Now my cousin Helen and I were best friends back when we were young, the last time I saw her was the summer of 2008. Helen is older than me by one year but since it wasn't September yet she was still my age. Any way I got to California and I was told that I was too sleep in Helen's room. The first two nights we didn't do anything, but that third day there we kissed in the middle of the night. After we kissed we didn't do anything else to each other the entire trip but we still talked.

The next summer, this year back in June, we all went to Colorado and my uncle bought four rooms at a resort- one for my brothers and my younger male cousin, another for my uncle and aunt, one for my dad, and one for Helen and me. Now before you say anything, no one suspected that we were in love with each other but they thought that we were just good friends. The first night there Helen reminded me of that awkward kiss from last summer and I said that we never fully finished it.

So that night and every other night I slept with Helen (not sexually) but just her arms wrapped around me and us kissing. Luckily my family has the sense to knock on the door and then come in.

Helen and I continue our relationship to this day but in secret. What should we do?

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For now, nothing. At least nothing more than you two already are doing. It's kinda unusual for a family to allow two opposite gender cousins to sleep together at your ages. One of two things is going on with that. Either they implicitly trust the two of you, or there is subtle (or NOT so subtle) "matchmaking" going on. Either way, it behooves the two of you to NOT take advantage of the situation. I know the hormones are surely raging, but do control yourselves as you have to this point. Should someone fail to knock before entering, and the two of you be discovered in a more "uncompromising" position, I would be willing to bet these sleeping arrangements would change immediately, and permanently. At least until the two of you are old enough and out on your own, and able to decide your own sleeping arrangements. There would most likely be some level of what I've toned down to call a poostorm. (I can, and have skirted the cuss filter, but since we admins and mods have recently scolded others for doing it, I won't, as much as I'd like to in this instance.  :evil:) Anywho, for the time being, keep things only slightly more than platonic. I would say totally platonic, but, you two are old enough to engage in the behavior you are, provided you don't take it further. Plus, it will retain their trust, reinforce their matchmaking, if that is an element in this, and most importantly, deepen your relationship to where it will be unflappable when you two are older, and for the rest of your lives. If you move too quickly, you risk all of that, for momentary pleasure. If things progress too fast physically, and one of you gets nervous, you risk many years of awkward moments, even if you remain "favorite cousins." Trust me when I tell you, don't move too fast.

Which brings me to what all the regulars around here know as my "broken record speech". You two are at the perfect age for it. Do send her the link to this thread. I want BOTH of you to hear it. Here goes.

#1) STAY IN SCHOOL. Focus on your studies. Get or keep your grades up. I'm amazed at the growing number of idiots in this world. Don't be them. I'll assure you, if you two are going to go for it when you are older, you'd better be smart. You're going to need to be well educated, and it will need to be obvious when you converse with others. You don't want to fit the old stereotypes of "kissing cousins". Get smart. Get either a degree or certs of some sort. There are trades and professions that don't take the huge investments many degrees require, and pay as well as those professions. Decide now where you want to go with your lives, and start heading that way.

#2) Keep this on the down low. (Re-read my first paragraph) Build the friendship. Get to know each other between the ears, deeply, before you get carried away with all the other various body parts. There is all the time in the world for neeked shenanigans later, when you are of age and in a position to do so. Until then, keep this casual. It is nearly impossible for people twice your age to hide a physical relationship, so the chances of you doing it are virtually nil. They see you as best friends, and that's what the appearance and reality needs to be for the time being.

#3) Once you have built upon the foundation I've laid out for you, and you are AT LEAST 18, (I recommend at least 20, and prefer 22ish) and are still both on the same page with a relationship, THEN, you ramp it up. You will need to be independent. If the two of you end up together, from what you've said, I seriously doubt it would come as some big earth-shaking news to everyone, but I still doubt your folks OR hers are going to be wanting to pay the bills with the two of you under their roof. And, since were at that point, legally, you won't be wanting to be cohabiting in Texas. Not legal for first cousins. Are there "work-arounds"? Yeah. Do you want the drama of having to jump through the hoops? I wouldn't, so I wouldn't recommend it for you either. IMHO, you should look for digs somewhere between Texas and Cali, where it IS legal. Colorado and New Mexico come to mind. Texas is hard to beat for job opportunities, but I bet NM and CO aren't bad either.

#4) Provided you are both still on the same page with a relationship at this point, when you have your ducks in a row, go for it, and don't let ANYONE stop you. I usually recommend, at least initially, getting a two bedroom place, to keep up appearances. But, in your case, separate sleeping quarters would probably raise more eyebrows. Don't rule it out though, if you can afford it. Your own space is nice, and the actual sleeping arrangements are up to the two of you at that point...

Remember, #3 & #4 are out in front of where you are at this point, but you asked, so you may as well have the food for thought as you consider your future. 

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  • 4 months later...


    First,I just finished reading your story(you and your first cousin.)  Thanks for relating it to us.  It is love drama,rich in emotion and intimate feelings.

    On a practical side,I agree(with the views Hawk expressed.)  Working hard and loving each other,that'll get you far in life.

    Since this summer,how's it been for you and Helen?  Any updates?  Just wondering,that's all.

    Patrick,thanks again for sharing your story.  Going forward,I hope you and your family have many blessings.

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