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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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GirlSaysWhat

Did I mess up?!

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I was chatting with my cousin on Facebook about a bunch of random things. We started talking about traveling, and I told him I have always been secretly envious that he left the family and traveled all over. He encouraged me to travel at some point, and I said ok, one day I will. Anyway, at the end of it all I just kinda hastily typed, "Cool, yeah! Maybe some time we can go on a trip together somewhere, too."  :embarrassed:

It sounded so awkward when I read it back to myself. And he just stopped talking. :(

He had been replying every few minutes prior to me dropping that awesome line, so now I'm nervous. He has NO clue how I feel about him and I have been extremely worried about how/when to tell him, because I really have no inkling about how he would take it. I work myself up to tell him, then a million bad scenarios run through my head and... Yeah.

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To me, it just sounds like he probably got distracted and forgot to reply.

You said yourself that he has no inkling of your feelings for him, so I doubt he thought "oh shoot she likes me!" and ran off.

It's kind of hard to give advice when you don't know any backstory. How old are you guys, do you live near each other, is your family against cousins being together, etc?

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GirlSaysWhat, you never know he might not be replying because he's thinking and taking it in to consideration of you both going on a trip together  :wink:

I can't see it being anything for you to worry about  :smiley:

nessa76

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To me, it just sounds like he probably got distracted and forgot to reply.

You said yourself that he has no inkling of your feelings for him, so I doubt he thought "oh shoot she likes me!" and ran off.

It's kind of hard to give advice when you don't know any backstory. How old are you guys, do you live near each other, is your family against cousins being together, etc?

Hi. We are both adults but he's older - he's 41, I'm 26. We are first cousins. His dad and my mom are brother and sister. We don't currently live near each other but he is talking about moving back to my state next year. He currently lives across the country from me. :(

I don't have any idea what my family's feelings would be about cousin love. It is a really small and fractured family. My best guess is there would be a lot of gossip, but my mom, one aunt, brothers, stepdad and a couple of other cousins would eventually quietly accept it. However, my uncle, my other aunt, and one cousin (his sister) would have a problem with it... I just know. I don't know how long that would last or if it would significantly impact our familial relationship, although as I said before we are already a not so tightknit bunch. There would be a lot of shock.

All I know is that I have been secretly in love with him for years. Through two other relationships and a few relationships of his own. (We are both single now) It is a huge burden for me to bear but I am so afraid of telling him, especially, but also the family as well.

GirlSaysWhat, you never know he might not be replying because he's thinking and taking it in to consideration of you both going on a trip together  :wink:

I can't see it being anything for you to worry about  :smiley:

nessa76

*sigh* I hope so!! He had emailed me last year telling me that he visited the grand canyon and had no one to be amazed with. He was very down after his last breakup.

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Ahhh, I see.  Are you considering telling him or not?

The bit about the grand Canyon sounds slightly promising, but maybe that's just me?

If I were you, I think I would go to him and let him know my feelings. You are adults, as you said, and for all we know, we only have one life to live.

I haven't told my cousin, but that's because I suspect he could be gay and even if he isn't, I'd be afraid that he'd tell our family and I'd be ostracised.  My dad's family, while totally dysfunctional, would be horrified if something like this came out.

Do you think your other relatives could come to accept your love in time, should you and your cousin become a couple?

I wish you the absolute best of luck here, cause I know how it feels to be in your shoes.  :)

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Thanks. :) Well.... I want to tell him until I have the opportunity to tell him lol. Then I get afraid and apprehensive and a million bad "what if?" scenarios run through my head.

I really don't know if the disapproving side of the family would come around in time.... I don't think they would disown either one of us but I just can't see them embracing our romantic relationship, either.

My cousin is coming back to visit me in about a month to six weeks - I want to tell him then. Maybe this time, I finally can.

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He finally started talking to me again, btw!!

Thats great news, i bet its a relief for you lol

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Thats great that he's talking to you again! :D

I totally understand. The what-ifs, thinking everything will go to hell in a handbasket the moment you tell him.

That being said, I do think that male cousins are more likely to stay calm and not freak out as much when you tell them you have feelings for them.  I believe it was Hawk who told me this, and after some general research it does seem to be true.

I also think, if you feel you can swing it, that telling him in person when he comes to visit you is probably the best. That way, you can gauge his reaction in real time as well as talk things over then and there.  Emails, phone calls, texts and such are great, but to me nothing beats face to face communication.

Keep me updated!  ^^

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Thats great news, i bet its a relief for you lol

definitely!!  :azn:

Thats great that he's talking to you again! :D

I totally understand. The what-ifs, thinking everything will go to hell in a handbasket the moment you tell him.

That being said, I do think that male cousins are more likely to stay calm and not freak out as much when you tell them you have feelings for them.  I believe it was Hawk who told me this, and after some general research it does seem to be true.

I also think, if you feel you can swing it, that telling him in person when he comes to visit you is probably the best. That way, you can gauge his reaction in real time as well as talk things over then and there.  Emails, phone calls, texts and such are great, but to me nothing beats face to face communication.

Keep me updated!  ^^

thank you so much :)

that is some really interesting info about male cousins taking it better. Wonder why that is.. ?

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I don't know why that is. My cousin (the one I like, weirdly enough) told me that guys don't get weirded out by people liking them the way girls do. He said if a girl likes him, he feels kind of flattered and is just like "Okay, thanks, whatever".

He told me that girls always freak out when a guy who they don't like likes them, but guys just don't get thay way.

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