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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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coolies

Can't let her go....

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I am so new to this phase of life, I wasn't sure what to do...I thought I can write here to take it off my chest.

This is how my story goes...

Me and my cousin we stayed in same city when kids. But were never really in touch or close. After studies I went to another city for work. After few months I came to visit my family and met her. I went back to work after we casually we exchanged the number. Soon we started texting & calling her. Started writing poems for her. We would talk everyday for about 4-5 hours till late night, fight on phone. After that I came back to her city once and we met. She stayed at my place , we talked till later night...it was fun. Next day she even came to airport to drop me and sat so close to me, it felt so good!!!  I had already feeling for her but thought may be she is happy to see me...

Again we used to be in touch by phone....thn she got engaged. I got confused with my feeling...I was not sure how to react. I was single at that time. But I kind of showed that I am happy for her. I stayed at her house during her wedding. We talked, laughed during the wedding. But a night before wedding, we (few more cousins) all were sleeping in big room. It was very late, everyone was sleeping, but me and my cousin were talking. Suddenly, she hold my hand and started cuddling. After few minutes, we started kissing each other without anyone knowing. It just happened......It was best moment of my life!!! But we didn't go further....we stopped and went to sleep, without saying anything. Next day was awkward, I thought I took advantage of her. Next day I said sorry and told her this will never happen and we should not discuss ever. She agreed and she got married. After new months, I got married and moved to another country. But my feeling never went away for her....but was afraid she might not feel same way about me.

I went to home country couple of times after that and I saw her. She was happy, I felt good and wished her best. But after my last visit, we spoke couple of times on phone. One day we were texing and she was awake so late, so I asked her if she wants to talk. She said "yes". I called her and asked her if she recall that night before her wedding. She said she will never forget it. We both ended up expressing our feeling towards each other. We both are married with kid and know there is no future for us. But we talk or text daily and miss each other....I don't know what will happen in future but this is good feeling....

Some times, I do feel that its cheating but still cannot let go my feeling towards her....

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Hi Coolies!

Well....If I were you, I would try to let go of my feelings for her basically because 1. its too late; and 2. Both of you are in another relationship and (maybe stabled).

For me, it will just complicate things in the future. I know how it hurts being without her but Try to make yourself busy just to lessen the your feelings, sooner or later you'll be over her and when the time comes, you might bump into her, it will just be casual with no hard feelings.

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Thanks for the suggestion.

We both are in stable relationship but no issues with spouses. I will try to avoid her but I am afraid it will break her. Also I still have this guilt feeling now that I shouldn't have discussed with her at all about my feeling. And this is killing me.

Plz advice...

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Hi coolies,

Well, you won't be avoiding her for the rest of your life but just only for the mean time untill you get over her or at least you have lessen your feelings for her. You dont have to be guilty as well about telling her what you feel in the first place because there is nothing wrong. At least she knew, you'll never know she might change her mind :smiley:

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Welcome to the group.

Don't need to feel guilty. It's good that you both know and was able expressed your feelings toward each other. Just keep in touch. You'll never know, you both might become eligible to marry in the future. We have the same experience. But we had more memories. It's a long story. You can read it in the Our story section. You can try to forget get as much as you can buy you'll never be able to do it. I tried but no luck. We don't talk anymore but we know that we love each other so much. It's a struggle. Hang in there. You'll get your support here.

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Hey, yea, I met my cousin after we were married as well. We didn't expressed our feelings to each other but I felt really guilty falling for her when I knew we were both married.  The feelings were really strong. I read a lot of advises on situations like this... The best thing to do is actually "Let her go." 

Because holding on will bring pain and suffering on both parties.  You cannot make her separate her husband because of YOU, but because she cannot be with her current husband.  It is only then that you guys can be together.  Let her make the choice without your influence.  This process can take years so don't sit and tap your fingers waiting, lol.

Yea, it was so hard to forget about her for about the first month. I missed her every hour.  It has gotten better now though.  I still think about her and keep in touch with her but at least I can be normal.

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Hi Coolies!

Well....If I were you, I would try to let go of my feelings for her basically because 1. its too late; and 2. Both of you are in another relationship and (maybe stabled).

For me, it will just complicate things in the future. I know how it hurts being without her but Try to make yourself busy just to lessen the your feelings, sooner or later you'll be over her and when the time comes, you might bump into her, it will just be casual with no hard feelings.

X2

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I would have to say, DO NOT AVOID HER. Your friendship should not change with this, always keep in touch...

Also I'm not so sure it's hopeless just because you're both married. The question is, are you happier with your cousin or your spouse? This is probably something both have to discuss some more. Don't avoid her...

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