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ElizabethMango

Should I keep my feelings to myself?

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Hey guys.

In the last couple of weeks I've been having a really hard time dealing with my feelings for my cousin. The more I think about it, the more I don't think I can handle a simple "friends" relationship, at least not right now.  Realizing that I love him has totally turned my world upside down and changed everything for me.

I've reached the point where I'm seriously wondering if I should tell him how I feel.  I just have so many fears, though.

I'm so stressed from bottling it all up, but I am also unsure if telling him is the right thing, especially since I am not certain that he feels the same way.  What do you guys think is the best course of action for me?

I'm 21 and not experienced in relationships, especially not of this kind,  so I appreciate any advice given.

-Elizabeth.

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What type of guy is your Cousin, is he the type to shoot his mouth? I can understand your fears of telling him how you feel though, just in case he reacts badly and tells everyone.

Isn't there a way you could hint to him, lightly enough though so he gets the hint(s)?

These feelings when they're so intense it is hard to bottle them up inside.

nessa76

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We are both 21, but he is almost 22.

To be honest, I'm not sure if he is the type to spill secrets. I've never really told him anything I consider secret, so I don't know how he'd treat something of this magnitude.  My fear, more than him rejecting me, is that he could expose me to the rest of the family.  If we were together, I'd say let them talk, but I don't think I could face the shame of being the "family pervert" alone.

I know he is quite close with his mom (my aunt) and tells her a lot of things.  If she were to find out, well, you might as well stand on the roof with a bullhorn.  :rolleyes:

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Okay I see..

What kind of a guy is your cousin, if you could explain a bit about his character I might be able to tell if he is one of those guys who would share something like that with the family or not.

With my cousin whom i have feelings for she is really close with her sister and she share's everything with her but when it comes to something that I say or she thinks was meant only for her stays with her(thats a good thing).

You know what I think, if you had been friends for 21 years then I believe he would understand it was meant for him and he is not supposed to tell it to anyone else but to keep it with himself ( I mean even if thinks of you as a true friend (I pray and hope not !!) then he would keep it to himself) and wouldn't let your image go down in front of your family. :)

if you decide to tell him about your feelings, I shall be rooting for you!! Good Luck :)

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Davem, he is quite a private person with most people. He doesn't even have any friends besides me (at least not real ones). I'm not really worried about him telling other people in the family.  It's his mother I'm afraid of him telling.

We haven't seen each other in person in almost 2 years. We've kept in contact through email, but he isn't speaking to me right now, so that's another reason why I am worried he might tell his mother.

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Well i think you should just email him and ask him out some day (it's been a while, i miss speaking to you!! Let's hangout this week sometime,if you aren't too busy!!). Now hopefully if he agrees to meet up, see if he is excited or not (that's prob the first thing). If he is excited to meet you then just have fun(keep hinting!! subtle hints!! With this you have nothing to lose, even if he tells his mom). All you have to do is to see how he reacts. If all goes well then in the next meeting(if you feel comfortable) ask him I was just wondering do you share everything that I tell you with your mum  :rolleyes: (You have nothing to lose even if he tells this to his mum).

Depending on his answer you can decide what you might want to do after that!!

I say tell him about your feelings for him if you feel after the meetings that he might have something too..

Its been 2 years people change (they miss old fun times too!!), so it might a good time to tell them that how much you have missed him.

If you feel comfortable I think you should tell him about your feelings but first you would have to take him into that boat where you kinda are!!( by hinting him, making him think about you) whilst doing this tell you don't want to be around him as just a friend..

See how you go and tell us too!!

Good luck :)

Davem 

 

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He actually lives 16hours away, so I can't unfortunately just meet up with him.

I tried emailing him about a month ago, letting him know that I miss talking to him and would like to rekindle our friendship (things had been a bit rocky between us because of a fight we had last year). He still hasn't responded.

In all likelihood, the next time I see him, unless something changes, will either be this winter when my family makes a trip down South, or if one of my grandparents passes away.  He is such a tricky person to read, especially on romantic matters.

I've toyed with maybe flirting with him whenever I see him next,  and trying to gauge his reaction from that.  Some family members think he might be gay, which would be terrible for me.

We'll just have to see, I guess.    My main dilemma was deciding if I should tell him through a letter or email, or if I should just wait until I see him in person.

Even if he doesn't reciprocate my feelings, I don't think I can keep holding this in.

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We are both 21, but he is almost 22.

To be honest, I'm not sure if he is the type to spill secrets. I've never really told him anything I consider secret, so I don't know how he'd treat something of this magnitude.  My fear, more than him rejecting me, is that he could expose me to the rest of the family.  If we were together, I'd say let them talk, but I don't think I could face the shame of being the "family pervert" alone.

I know he is quite close with his mom (my aunt) and tells her a lot of things.  If she were to find out, well, you might as well stand on the roof with a bullhorn.  :rolleyes:

What makes you think that you'd be named a "family perert"?  There's nothing perverted about being attracted to a cousin.

I can see that family's ignorence would/might come up with all kinds of f****d up shit but its your life at the end of the day  :smiley:

nessa76

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Thanks Nessa. :) When people found out about my Mom's nephew (who had a huge crush on me and probably still does), I heard all kinds of not-so-nice things being said about people who love their cousins.  I wish people were as accepting as they are here!

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I see what you mean, people don't accept things they don't understand but that's out of fear too. People fear what they don't understand unfortunately but ignorence is bliss as they say.

This site is definitely accepting, obviously and its a good thing to know we're all not alone in this world.

I hope your cousin isn't Gay because that'd be embarrassing for you lol  What are your family's views on Gays (Homosexuals)?

nessa76

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My immediate family (parents and siblings) are fine with gay people, and most of my aunts and uncles seem to be relatively fine with it as well.  His parents are anti-gay.

I'm totally fine with gay/lesbian people. That isn't the problem. It's that I don't want HIM to be gay because that really ruins any chance I have with him, however small that chance may be.

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Yeah it would ruin any chance of you being with him, however small if he is Gay. Thats good though that you and your immediate family have no problem with Gays but hopefully he isn't that way inclined for your sake more than anything. 

Hopefully you get the opportunity to either tell him or at least hint to him somehow next time you see him.  You'll have to keep us all posted and hope it all goes okay for you, either way :smiley:

nessa76

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Try flirting! Just see what happens. He may thaw and start speaking again... And who knows, he may just be incredibly busy! My cousin is a loner and very private too. He will read my fb messages then not respond for weeks, but I just give him space and try not to go crazy lol

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I probably will end up flirting with him, if only because I can't help myself, lol. 

While I'm dying to see him, I'm just trying to keep perspective and remind myself it's only a few months until January or February, and who knows, I could see him sooner than that.

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A few months will fly by til you see your cousin again. Flirting is a good way to go about it though because god forbid he doesn't, but if he shows signs that he doesn't like it you can always come up with it was just a bit of harmless fun, with nothing in it.

Your right though, best to put things in to perspective, just so nothing goes wrong and it all goes fine.

nessa76

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