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ElizabethMango

Is it right to deceive him?

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After months of intense deliberation, I'm trying to decide if it's worth telling my cousin that I love him as more than a cousin.  I feel like it's a big moral dilemma and I can't seem to make heads or tails of it.

Is it right of me to hide something so big from him, especially if we are going to continue on as "friends"?.  And even if we don't end up being close friends anymore, am I doing right by him to deceive him on such an issue?

One of the biggest worries (aside from actually telling him) is that if I am not upfront and honest about my feelings,  he may end up sussing them out himself and then becoming upset with me for "lying to him". 

Our relationship is kind of in a fragile state, where every choice has to be thought about carefully,  and I keep wondering if coming out into the open may be what I need to do in order to push things one way or the other.

Any advice?

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My sympathies. This is not an easy topic, and the fact that it is family makes it even harder than any situation when dealing with feelings and potential relationships.

In my experience, you should be prepared for the worst case scenario, then ask yourself if you can live with it. I have recently found myself in horrible mess that I had just trusted wouldn't happen because of the expectation that at least family would treat you with more respect than a stranger would. Sadly, not the case. After many months of us actually admitting our mutual attraction and feelings for each other, my cousin just decided to dump me out of the blue and start sleeping around with other people, because he has some kind of personal agenda or something. It feels worse that having that done to me by someone I had met anywhere else.

If he gets upset at your deception then how can he possibly feel real love for you? If he really loves you he should understand your shy feelings and your fears and not be upset, but instead be compassionate. tell him, or don't tell him. Just don't expect that it will be a fairytale and that everything will work out. It will be the same as any other relationship has the potential to be, just that you probably will feel it far more intensely the good and the bad).

Best of luck.

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Thanks for the sympathy Scarlet.

It's definitely more intense with cousin love, isn't it? I wonder why?

I'm sorry about your cousin dumping you to sleep around. That's no way to treat someone who loves and cares for you so deeply.

I guess as far as mine goes, I'm just going crazy.  I can't hack being separated from him, and if telling him means he might push me away, I'm not sure if I can do it.

But then not telling him means I'll have to watch any chance of us being together go up in smoke.

What a mess, right?

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There'd be nothing worse ElizabethMango than living the regret of questions with the what if's.

I'd test the water first with a little flirting with your cousin before opening up about your feelings for him etc...

Although depends what's more important to you, not telling him or tell him and risk the 50% out of 100% of the possibility with losing the friendship you both have already.

Its such a hard decision, i know if i was you i'd tell him but i'm obviously not you lol

Good luck with your decisions etc...

nessa76

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