Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Guest jf2290

depressed

This topic has had no activity within the past six months. It is recommended that you start a new topic instead of replying to old topics.

4 posts in this topic

so basically i have been in a relationship for over a year with a man who i have known since i was in high school. We where on holiday this year and he told me his dads surname who he hasn't seen since he was 2 years old, which was the same as my mums surname.. so ye were cousins. great. we love each other though and i refuse to split up with someone i love when i dont even know or have ever met my mums side of the family.  my mum is furious calling me all sorts of names, now my brother has found out i feel depressed, why has this happened to me !! i'm not comfortable living in my own home because of narrow minded people who dont know the meaning of love !

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry you're feeling depressed and that people aren't supporting you in the way you'd hope.

Part of the reason I haven't told anyone (even my cousin) is because I anticipate a reaction much the same as you ended up with.

It still baffles me that people can't just see that love is love and if they want to see you happy,  they need to have acceptance of the person you chose.

Quick story:

I have a friend who is dating this guy, and while I look at him and think he's not exactly Prince Charming,  all I have to do is look over at my friend and see the beaming smile on her face to remind me that what makes her happy is most important,  not whether I'd choose the guy for myself.  A lot of times, people get caught up in their judgment of someone's significant other and forget that who their loved one loves isn't their decision.  I hope that your family eventually comes around.

If you ever need a vent, PM me.  *hugs*

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry your family is reacting this way.  Are you able to move out of your mom's home?

If you are happy with this man and he with you, I see no reason why the two of you should not be together.  Only the two of you can decide if the relationship is worth the hassle from your family.

There is no reason to be depressed!  Hold your head high knowing that you have done nothing wrong. 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1.  I'm not clear on the basic problem.  You wrote, "his dads surname . . . was the same as my mums surname.. so ye were cousins."  Just having the same surname doesn't make you cousins necessarily---How many Smiths and Johnsons and McTavishes do you think there are in the world?  Even if it's a distinctive (ethnic) name, it doesn't mean relationship.  Have you done some genealogical research to know that you're related?  If so, how closely?  Only if you're first cousins or half-siblings does it really matter; second cousins can legally marry in any state.  If you're third or 4th cousins, the genetic risk is about the same as if you were randomly selected from the gene pool.  (Look it up; Cousin Couples has terrific resources for you!)  (No, I'm not giving legal or medical advice; just repeating what I've read here.)

As nearly as I can figure from what you've said, the only worry your mom could conceivably (ahem!) have would be if his long-lost father was your mother's brother.  That would indeed make you first cousins.

2.  If in fact you are first cousins, you know from reading this site that there's nothing morally wrong with it, and nothing legally wrong in about half of the states and anywhere in Europe.  Have you tried sending your mother the letter which Lady C posted several years ago?  It's extremely well written, you can adapt it to your own needs, and a lot of people have found it very helpful.  Often it's easier to communicate these things initially through a letter than face-to-face.  (If you're at all like me, you're more likely to "let fly" and say harmful things in a direct confrontation than in a letter.)  :grin:

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your content will need to be approved by a moderator

Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   You have pasted content with formatting.   Remove formatting

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0