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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Jackson

I have messed up the whole situation with my cousin, and I really need some help

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Note: I will use fake names.

So, the whole thing started in the summer of 2013.  I hadn't seen my cousin(Let's car her Mary) for about 3 years. We live in different countries but they almost visit our country for vacations every year.  We were both 14 that summer.

Her family was staying at my grandma's house because my grandpa was too sick and my grandma couldn't take full care of him. We visited them some days after they arrived, and Mary was sleeping. I stayed on the hall with the rest family member and about 10 mins after Mary woke up. When I saw her, I couldn't believe in my eyes. She was damn too much pretty, not the cousin that I knew 3 years ago. I immediately fell in love with her.

A few days after my family was told by my aunt that our grandpa had passed out. We went to the funeral and afterwards left and took the road back to our place, but with one extra person, my cousin. We arrived at 23:30 or so and I was really tired because I had spent the half day inside a car, so I just went immediately in my room and fell on my bed. Some minutes after, the door opens and my dad with Mary comes inside. My dad tells me to get up and clean the second bed(I have an extra bed in my room where I put my clothes, and some other personal things. After I cleaned the bed he told me that Mary would sleep with me. The first night, nothing happened, I just told her a goodnight and we both fell asleep. The next day, we were together all the time. We went outside for a drink, walked a bit and then went back to home to sleep. But we didn't. Instead, we started asking each other personal questions about his/her life(How many bfs/gfs, ever kissed a girl/boy, had sex etc). I then grabbed her right hand and I crossed its fingers with my left hand. No reaction from her. I asked her if she was comfortable with this and she told me that she is, and actually more than normal!

We ended it with a kiss on the cheek and said goodnight.

The next was the big day. I'm not gonna get into details for what happened on the day-time, but instead, for what happened on the night-time.

If I remember correctly we were again holding hands with fingers crossed and at a point I asked her to come and lay next to me. She did! We talked about everything and we were too close to each other. Whenever we heard a noise she would jump off to her bed in no time, check her phone a bit and then coming back at me. This happened for about 2 times,  the 3rd time we were really close to each and we didn't say a word for about 5 mins(believe me, it was too long). We were both a bit anxious and we could see it into each other's eyes. Some minutes after I got the courage and whispered to her, "shall I do it?" and she replied with a yes! I just moved my mouth a bit more down and next thing I know is that we were kissing. After we finished I felt some dizziness but it got away 2 minutes after. My cousin though, was too worried. I asked her what's wrong and she told me that "I don't worry because we kissed, I worry because I liked it". I hugged her and whispered to her ears, "let's make our very own secret". She agreed and we fell to sleep. I'm sure it was already 04:00 on the night.

The morning of the day next, wasn't what I expected. (I expected it to be full of awkwardness but instead it was full of laughing by Mary and me all the time)

We went into the room to lay on the beds and I asked Mary if she was okay with what happened yesterday and she told me yes. I asked her if she wanted to do it again and she nodded her head to sign of a yes. I kissed her again and again and again. We couldn't stop. The night we got into the next level with me removing her shirt and her bra(She had clearly told me not to touch her down parts) and touching/licking her nipples and her putting her hand under my underwear and playing with my you know what. We did that everyday until the day her dad came to get her back and leave to their country. I kissed her for one last time and hugged her. We were texting each other via SMS and I think I remember how fast my credits run out because of international messaging charges. :laugh:

That all had happened last year. However, this year I saw her again, and the feelings I had for her last summer were brought up into light again. But she wasn't feeling the same. She had found a boyfriend in her country and she really loved him. I thought of that and I didn't say a thing to her about my feelings, although we were together all the day. One afternoon, when we were sitting by the pool of the hotel we were staying we decided to play a game. We googled "questions to ask when bored" or something like this. Unfortunately, one question was "If you had 3 wishes, what would they be?". I told her to skip it but she then said "come on, don't you trust your cousin" but I was still firm saying let's just skip it please. But we didn't. Instead, I asked her "what do you think my wish is" and she told me "I don't know, why don't you say it". We were like this for about 4 minutes, but afterwards the conversation got into a higher temperature, with her understanding what my wish is and leaving in order to go to her room. She was hurt, she texted me on WhatsApp telling me that the question shouldn't exist, how much difficult it was for her to forget everything that had happened last summer, and that she didn't want to see me in order to forget again. I don't say, she expressed her anger, I wish I could express my sadness and the disappointment I got from all these messages, I started crying and I just didn't want to lose her. I didn't text her back at how much sad I was feeling because I thought she would get even more sad and mad than she was.

Anyway, the vacation ended yesterday and things are turning to the good, but yesterday I asked whether she was mad at me and she told yes. I really don't know what else I have to do to fix the situation. Believe me, I tried everything!

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Jackson,

I realize English is not your first language, but, I think I was able to follow this enough to get an idea of what you are saying.

Depending on how I do the math, you two are either 15 now, or 17/18 now. Not that it makes a huge difference, but, a little difference. Either way, for the time being, I'm going to advise you the same. Stay in touch. Put what has happened on the back burner. You played with fire, and it burnt you a little. Things could be a LOT worse. You two are young. You have no idea where things could go in the future. You may have pushed her a little hard, or, at least she pushed you hard enough that the truth was a little much for her right now. Like I said, put this all on the back burner for now. If you are still in school, focus on your schooling. Get as much education or training as you can while you are young. Who knows, in the process, YOU may meet someone who you "love very much", and all of this will be a fond memory of a favorite cousin. It happens that way A LOT. Once you are older, out on your own, and independent of your family for your support, you may find that you and her are both single, and you can bring it back up to the front burner, and turn the heat back up. You don't mention what countries you two are from, but I did have a little peek at where you are, and, so far as we know, it is perfectly acceptable and legal for you two to do so. I'm not totally sure about that, but if need be in the future, I can find out for you. But again, all of that is off in the future for you, and for now you need to focus on you. Do not let this distract you from your studies, OR potential social life in your country. I know in the recent past, there have been some economic issues in your country. I've not heard much on it lately, so I don't know if all of that has calmed down or not. Either way, it is very important that you focus on getting yourself in the best possible situation to support yourself (and any potential mate, cousin or otherwise) when you are fully an adult. You have NOT "messed up the whole situation" totally YET, but, depending on how much you let this distract you, you could.

So, stay in touch, build the friendship, find an internet based way to communicate that does not run up the international charges, and, DON'T BRING UP THE PAST. It happened, and if it happens again, so be it. Cross that bridge when you get to it. If it doesn't happen, life does go on, and she will still be your friend, so long as you don't keep dwelling on it and bringing it back up, and keeping her mad at you. She'll get over it, if you let her. It will all be good if you let it be.....

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Jackson,

I realize English is not your first language, but, I think I was able to follow this enough to get an idea of what you are saying.

Depending on how I do the math, you two are either 15 now, or 17/18 now. Not that it makes a huge difference, but, a little difference. Either way, for the time being, I'm going to advise you the same. Stay in touch. Put what has happened on the back burner. You played with fire, and it burnt you a little. Things could be a LOT worse. You two are young. You have no idea where things could go in the future. You may have pushed her a little hard, or, at least she pushed you hard enough that the truth was a little much for her right now. Like I said, put this all on the back burner for now. If you are still in school, focus on your schooling. Get as much education or training as you can while you are young. Who knows, in the process, YOU may meet someone who you "love very much", and all of this will be a fond memory of a favorite cousin. It happens that way A LOT. Once you are older, out on your own, and independent of your family for your support, you may find that you and her are both single, and you can bring it back up to the front burner, and turn the heat back up. You don't mention what countries you two are from, but I did have a little peek at where you are, and, so far as we know, it is perfectly acceptable and legal for you two to do so. I'm not totally sure about that, but if need be in the future, I can find out for you. But again, all of that is off in the future for you, and for now you need to focus on you. Do not let this distract you from your studies, OR potential social life in your country. I know in the recent past, there have been some economic issues in your country. I've not heard much on it lately, so I don't know if all of that has calmed down or not. Either way, it is very important that you focus on getting yourself in the best possible situation to support yourself (and any potential mate, cousin or otherwise) when you are fully an adult. You have NOT "messed up the whole situation" totally YET, but, depending on how much you let this distract you, you could.

So, stay in touch, build the friendship, find an internet based way to communicate that does not run up the international charges, and, DON'T BRING UP THE PAST. It happened, and if it happens again, so be it. Cross that bridge when you get to it. If it doesn't happen, life does go on, and she will still be your friend, so long as you don't keep dwelling on it and bringing it back up, and keeping her mad at you. She'll get over it, if you let her. It will all be good if you let it be.....

Hello Hawk and thanks for your reply.

I'm the guy who created this topic and I finally managed to register an account.

First of all, you got my country right, and that impressed me, maybe I have given too many hints, who knows!

Secondly, yes, I have made some mistakes with the English language, the reason being that my family wandered around the house and I was typing as fast as I could and if they saw the logo of the website they would suspect immediately.

Thirdly and last, we are both 15 now, another point you got right.

Now, let's go back on topic.

I forgot to mention that on the last night of our holidays(3 days ago), me, Mary and my aunt were sitting by the pool and started a discussion. I was talking with a friend from my hometown via WhatsApp and my aunt asked me whether she was my girlfriend. I explained her that she isn't and then all of sudden the discussion was about my cousin's boyfriend. She told me so many things about her daughter's boyfriend and how good Mary and he do. I was literally half-destroyed and half-stupid. I immediately texted my cousin on WhatsApp(She was connected via Wi-Fi) telling her how much stupid I feel right now after hearing all these things and how I sorry I feel for what happened the day before. She replied to me with a "no problem" and a smiley afterwards.

However, now it seems that Mary got too cautious when I talk to her on WhatsApp, because her replies went from long phrases to one-word, and sometimes putting just one smiley when she used to fill a whole line with them.

I think that what you said is right Hawk, I should let her get over it and stop talking about this matter with her. I realized that it should be better to find a girlfriend and marry her if things go well, instead of bringing up my feelings I have about my cousin whenever  I see her (once a year to be honest)

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Well you should apologize even if you have done nothing. Tell her that you wish her the best

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My best advice is to let it go just take your mind off her talk to a friend you trust best wishes :( good luck

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SadButTrue,

You didn't give too much information. As a Mod, I have access to information only Mods and Admins can see, such as IP addresses. I have a (usually, LOL) pretty good look-up that I use to get a general idea of where our members and guests are. Sometimes it is wrong, but it does, at least almost always, get the country right. I use it to have an idea where our posters are, so I can advise them of potential legal problems they should look into. If the OP doesn't mention where they are, I don't either, nor will I. It would be considered destroying evidence if there were an incest case against a member or guest, and my interaction was subpenaed, but I would destroy my hard drive and take the consequences before I would ever divulge information on a member here. I'm, at least now, as I've become older, a law-abiding member of society, but I would make that exception. In the position granted me here, I respect the anonymity of this forum, and would refuse to breech the confidentiality of it. I'm not a pastor or a priest by any means, any more than I am a psychologist. I do consider that we here have the same "confidentiality" bestowed those positions. Probably more information than you were expecting, but, I feel the need to get it out there in the open anyhow. 

Oh, your English IS much better when you have the time to make it better. You're doing fine as far as I'm concerned.

Since we now know you are 15, I'll be a little stronger on my "put it on the back burner" speech. Figure out a way to chat for free, and keep in touch. All the while, get your nose in the books, and advise her to do the same. Limited as it is, and being more than I would advise at your ages, you two DO have a little "history" now. It can be said like we do here in the US, "You've met." Put it in the casual zone for at least 3 years or so, and I'll tell you 7 years or so, until you two are 22ish. Don't push her. You cannot compete with this BF, being in a different country, so don't try. It would be odd, at least here in the US, for her to still be with him at 22. Time is on your side. And, in the mean time, don't set around worrying and wondering about her. You have time to check out the girls where you are, and, who knows, you may find one you like as much or more than Mary. This will come down to timing if anything ever comes of it. It will be at some time out in the future when you and her are both available at the same time, and old enough to do something serious about it, and be in a position to face any consequences if you do.

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