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DB2055

confused

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Do people think it's possible to have a "friends with benefits" type of relationship with a cousin. I am assuming that both parties are will to accept the "friends with benefits" aspect. Or do you think it would create to much tension?

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I think any situation of "friends with benefits" is going to cause one or both pain.  Especially with cousins.

It winds up with someone feeling "used".

Nat

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cousins or not, benefriend relationships are irresponsible, inconsiderate, and selfish. and yes, in the end someone almost always ends up feeling more used than the other, and that's hurtful. kinda takes the friend out of the benefits, doesn't it?

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DB2055,

I've only successfully done it once. I doubt Cuz and I could have pulled it off. As per your other thread, it was just too intense, too quickly, and in short order, it was a "go for it, or walk away" kind of thing, and she was nervous, and I didn't want to push her.

The girl I did have the FWB thing with, stayed with me when her parents threw her out. She was better off with me. As "Animal House" crazy as my place was, it was not as crazy as her home. Her parents were alcoholics, and she was trying to go to school and make something of herself. There was a big fight over (IIRC) them not supporting her in the endeavor. Her tuition was paid, so really all she needed was a little encouragement. That requires cognitive thought, which was in short supply with her parents. We had partied a few times, and this one night we spoke, she was upset about all of this. She had a ride to school, but no roof, clothes to speak of, nothing. I told her to sneak in when they passed out, get her clothes and books, and come to my place. She did. At the time, I was unattached, as was she. When she got there, we set the ground rules. She had her room, I had mine. If we came home with someone, we would have our privacy. If we both came home alone, she was welcome to share my room. She would pay no rent, but, she would keep the place clean. (No small feat, believe me.) I would get her up each weekday morning, and she WOULD go to school. Her friends were welcome to come party with me and "the boys" anytime they wanted. "The Boys" weren't too sure about this deal. It wasn't exactly the "he-man woman hater's club", but we got pretty wild, and they weren't too sure how this gal was going to fare. Didn't want a girl cramping our style, and all of that. Well, it didn't take long for them to come around. The place was not only clean all the time, but, she always had the place full of girls too!!! "Damn, this is working out pretty good Hawk, ole' buddy. We don't have to go chasing them, they're already here" kinda thing. All of this was long before it had the "friends with benefits" name, but, in effect, that's what it was. She stayed in school, and eventually, her parents came around, (or sobered up for a day, and realized they needed the maid back) and she went back home. She finished school, and has done pretty well for herself. She always speaks when she gets out these days, and never fails to tell anyone around that if it weren't for me (sic: making her that deal), she would have most likely not made it to where she is. As LadyC says though, that's the exception, NOT the rule. It was just a matter of us both being in the right place at the right time, and it all falling together. Plus, she's a genuinely nice person too, despite how her parents were. It takes two people who are not looking to take advantage of the situation, just roll with it, and set ground rules up front. As good a person as Cuz is, I wouldn't have set any rules for her. It just wouldn't have felt right doing so. There was too deep of an emotional attachment from when we were young for that to have worked......

  So in a nutshell, nah, don't do it. You will be asking for all the drama if it's found out, and none of the deeper dedication needed to overcome it. 

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