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I love my cousin.Help me please

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I questioned that in some places but when I see there,I thought it's the best place to share it.

I'm 16 and She's 15.Our families come together once in a 1-2 year and it continues 1-2 week.We know each other from the childhood.We love each other in cousin way.I've never thought love for her.But this year,I thought love.I couldn't believe but after some time,I realized that I love her in not cousin way.

I don't know she is loving me or not.She said me some things that may comes from love but it's can't give me the truth.

I'm planning for tell her my feelings next year when we come together one more time if I won't surpress(I don't want to be in love with her actually.only want to be friend.But I can't surpress feelings now.) my feelings because I get more depressed day to day.But I afraid of broking our relationship.If I tell it,can it broke our relationsip.What should I do?

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I though't that I will get more answers when I write it short but no comment came.Maybe,I should put all details here.

I'm 16 and live in Ankara,Turkey.

We are 3 cousins in mother family side at some ages(I'm 16 and male,E is 16 and male,another E is 15 and female).We live in same country in different cities.We have met when we was child.He was selfish and liked to anger us,but now,he's only selfish in extreme conditions.For example,I,she and her older sister was going to go to a concert.He don't likes concerts and didn't want to come.After that,he told her father and didn't give us permision to go.Because he didn't want to be alone.Anyway,we are good friends.

We've been always close but this year,we got very close with her.I started to love her but couldn't believe.When I revised my behaviours in her near like don't want the other cousin to be alone with her(I think it's really selfish.I've never been selfish but I felt and really got sad when I saw how can I act.At least I don't do that selfish behaviours and asked for him to go out with us)I realised that I'm in love.I felt this was wrong and didn't act.I tried to surpress my feelings about 2 weeks but when I couldn't,I made a research and learned it's not wrong.

She may love me too.She does things that she never did before.For example,She puts her head on my shoulder.She started miss me too early after going home like I did.She wanted to hold my hand in a roller coaster.She said me it makes her confident.We went to a lot of amusement park but she's never wanted it.And the last thing:

My other cousin made a joke about maryying me with her.After some time,when we got alone,She said there was a talking about that in our family.I was thinking loving her is wrong and laughed like I hated that idea.She said "Who can know what will happen?".

If she loves me too and we start to dating,there will be another problem,our other cousin!We can't say him just go or can't say we are dating.I don't know can he do such a thing but he may try to broke our relationship.He don't wants to be alone.

We can't leave him alone,it's unfair to do that to him.But we can't act like we are loving each other when we are with him.

Our families won't put obstacles on our way.They come from east of Turkey where cousin marriege is more often and she said they've already taught that.At least,my family would want my happiness.

I made my mind about telling her my feelings.I don't want to regret things once again.I must be prepared to the worst one.If she doesn't loves me in that way,She won't abondon me and our relationship would continue.But I think she would be affected and won't be close like we was in that year.

What should I do?

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  • Administrator

it sounds to me like she does like you romantically as well... but you're both still just 15 and 16! you have a lot of time to sort this all out. trust me, it's much better to build a solid foundation of friendship before rushing into anything romantic. i know it's hard, when the emotions are so strong, but you need to take this very slowly. tell her your feelings if you really want to, but agree to wait for anything more to come of it.  at this age, both of you are still learning how to handle all these emotions, and rushing into things can do more damage than good. you're already worried that perhaps in a year she won't still feel this close to you... if that's going to happen, it will happen whether you are in a relationship or not. that's part of the whole being 16 thing. how she feels now (and how YOU feel now) is very likely to change a great deal in a year. taking things slowly will let the relationship mature at the same time as your emotions.

but as for the other guy? (am i understanding correctly that he is her brother? or just another cousin from someone else?) quit letting what he wants dictate your moves.

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Thank you LadyC.I'll think about that.

We met when we was a child and we are good friends after that time.We come together in a year or two years and have good time.It's a strong relationship already.Do you mean another thing or it should be more friendship?

You are right about I should wait.I think if I can handle my feelings and stop worrying about that,I'll be able to wait.I've been feeling a lot of worry and it goes to a negative way.Sometimes,I think I must feel worry all a year because of not telling her.If I do it without handling my feelings,my other year would be hard to me with feeling worry for 730 days.I will see will I be able to do that.

The other guy is our another cousin who is extremely selfish.We are close too.My mother side are 5 siblings.We all come together in same city.It means that a lot of little cousins around 7-10 ages,2 babies,I,he and she.She also have a older sister.She started to be a teacher and will marry next year.

I don't think he would do such a thing.But I can't trust him.It's not a thing to think at that stage,I only wanted to give you all problems I thought.

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  • Administrator

i can understand the friendship being strong after having always been friends, but remember, you're both kinda new to feeling romantic feelings... for anyone! so this is like starting over from scratch in a way. all those years of friendship help, but now that you're both starting to learn what love feels like, it's super important to continue the friendship. i'm not saying don't tell her how you feel, but if she also feels that way, you need to both agree to build the friendship a couple of years longer. finish school, keep your focus on that, and then if you both still feel attracted, go for it.

what exactly is it you are afraid your selfish guy cousin might do? i'm not sure i'm clear on that.

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I think I will do that.

It's a problem if she loves me too.We,3 cousins come together all time.If he realizes that we are in love,he may try to broke it for not being alone.We can't do special things in his near like going to anywhere we want.But as I said,it is not a problem now.

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  • 2 weeks later...

My first school days passed in a depression situtation.A classmate realised my situtation and said "Have you got a problem".In third night after starting of schools,I cried.Other day,I thought I must say it to her before torturing myself mentally more.I said her my feelings last Friday.I think saying things like that in a texting is wrong but I couldn't wait.She said She liked me but didn't know what she feel.After some space of think,she said she loves me too.But in night,she said that she don't know the reason,but she wants to be only good friends.I understood her and didn't want to upset her.I said I don't feel bad too much.After that day,I surpressed my feelings easily for 5 days.Today I couldn't do that.I feel depressed and I must get rid of that feeling.

We are still friends,It didn't affect our relationship.When we are texting,I don't feel anything.I don't feel any sorrow,I feel like we are only friends.I think it doesn't hurt me mentally.Should I stop texting for a while?

Firstly I thought I can do it in a long term,and when I think about her,I surpressed my feelings.Is it right for forgetting it,or am I doing it wrong.

How can I forget about my feelings?

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