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help me guys..!! your help might save my life..!! completely lost..!! :'-(

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hello guys..  I'm a guy from India. to be exactly south India,.!! 24. plz take all your time to read this.. so that you wll get an idea about my situation.

guys i know.. i gonna post a long topic here.. but.. everyone who are more experienced dealing in cousin relations ,, plz read all tha way down and plz give me a best solution..!!

i love my cousin (TO be exactly my mothers younger sister's daughter) since i was 16.!!

that time i had only sexual attraction on her.oh,, let me describe my families. because this is most important thing

we are from south India.. and Christians..!! our families so spiritual,,!! not me,, i have about 15 cousins(first). all we enjoy our summer days in grandam's home.. and repeatedly visit any of our cousins houses for holidays..

and my favorite cousin nd i spent time together,, in fact i spend too much time with his brother.and we are just like a good friends.shez also close with my sisters.. after few years i recognized that i want a relationship with her.. that is greater than my sexual attraction to her.. in fact in south India..

marriages between cross cousins is well accepted.. in fact religion doesn't matter here.. every individual born here are eligible to marry their cross cousins regardless of their religion..!! i know all these things.. in fact i am a practical kinda..  her family moved to a city nearer to my city..

so we spent  even more time (my sisters.hr brother also). as time flies my love on her also gone to peaks.. i feel good if she laughs , nd felt very good if she cried for some reason (in front of me,by telling the reason.. i always wanted to care her. ) and i ll get a feeling that shez feeling more safe with me,, or shez trusting me ,,

her father died in her early age.. in my graduation i hd seen this forum,, and felt there's nothing wrong in feeling thiz way..and i gathered some courage and finally proposed,, shez shocked.. and.. slowly she too accepted me.. she always tells me,, " you loves me too much .. and you always thinks about me only.. even not thinking about you." ..infact our relationship continued for some time,, in that time i always thinks how to get our relationship success... !!

now.. we both love our families.. and we cant stay without them.. my mom and dad are spiritual.. but .. if the issue comes to family threat or like something harmfull they ll jus leave everything,, and do as the best way for their children.. they loves me soo much..

her family,, she got a brother and mom..her mom is soo spritual that she wont even watch television saying that is 666..!!(saying microchip is satan.. see Satan is everywhere ,, its jus going to happen all which is writen in bible,, oh,man ,, such a crap..) and she always restrict thier children on many ways.. even theres nothing gonna happen.. she says, dont do dhat..dont do this.. but she loves their children soo much.. infact being a widowed in early age makes her soo spiritual...

my angel.. and i had a great time.. my sisters got to knw that we love each other. and they restricted her saying we ll do something harmfull,

and she loves them as a bestbuddies of her life,, now they are restricting her.. she cried a lot,, and finally,, she left them all and told me that i am the one she wanted.. i got a jjob.. application developer.. my plan is to be in a position to make her soo comfortable and luxurious.!! (no body knws about our relationship except my sister.)

suddenly one day she called me and told me.. thiz is not going to work out,, plz leave all.. i felt soo depressed,, and infact iam now peak at this depression sitting with a knife,, and pills.. when we are in relation ship.. shez jus  always asked me,, what if nthing worked out.. nd i always telling her..

if nobody going to accept this,, then i ll leave everybody for you.. if u are not with me,, i dont want to exist on this earth.. by bearing such pain.. in those days i always thought this was never going to happen,, she wont leave me,, but now.. she z not even want to tlak to me..

my parents know dat after all being alive is good than dead.. i hve the capability to convince my mother and father.. but to convince that matter shez not with me now..

a few hours ago i talked to her.. now shez saying i made a mistake by committing to a wrong person.. i tried to convince her by telling this is not a wrong relation ship..  even bible also allows cousin marriages.. den she said. yeah everybody marry thier cross cousins.. nobody marries thier matrilineal parallel cousins..!! ( my sisters talked to her..after she rejected me,,) i told in many ways that there is no such difference between cross or parallel cousins to differentiate,,  but shez not accepting it.. i told her.. i hv even told her,, we are Christians and living in a hindu country..(india does allow marriages between cousins  and  south india had a exception that they can marry cross cousins.. once upon a time ,, a king named abhimanyu married her cross cousin,,  since den cross cousin marriages arae allowed in south india..) we are ruled by Britishers .. they also dont have any difference between these cross or parallel matter. even we can find more similarities between bible and Khuran,, (old testament),, they too marry cousins regardless of parallel or cross..!! but she z not accepting it.. 

also told her,, in we are christians ,, by being born as indians ..  we need not to follow Hinduism rules., if legality doesnt permit.. we ll go and live our rest of life where our relationship is legally approved.. yeah i have the capability, and intelligence ,,  dat i can easily go abroad..  and make  our life happier..

then she said,,  prove me .. if bible had matrilineal parallel cousin marriage,, den  i ll believe you..!!


i hd already read all our forum.. about religion acceptance ,, marriages.. !!

guys does anybody got any proof that christianity accepts our relationship,, (parallel cousin marriages)?? and plz suggest me anything to continue my stand .. ?? and  one thing for sure,,  i jus cant accept my own if shez not with me..!!  and now,,she got a job near my work place..  but me ,,left my job,, good package.. sitting with these pills.. and a knife,,in my home.. and.. my parents and her parents doesn't know about this.. if she accepts ,,with your help.. how can i convince parents... !!

they might not accept at first.. but i hve the confidence that i can convince my parents.. but,,  how to prove about parallel cousins.. ??? you guys never specified this.. because ,, you guys might never had this cross or parallel problem.. every country never differentiate this,, but i want so written ike biblical proof for this..

experienced people like lady c. or anybody..  help me..  !!!

(sorry .. typed in hurry..!!) and sorry .. if i hurted your feeling s by mentioning Hinduism or Christianity.. hope you can understand..!

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  • Administrator

ok first things first.

put your knife down and put the pills away.

when you've done that, take a deep breath. i almost feel bad that you asked for me by name, because you have to understand something.... i don't beat around the bush. you are 24 years old if i understood you right, and you're threatening suicide if she's not with you.

that's selfish, it's manipulative, and it's beneath her. so quit. if you want to be worthy of her love, then be a man who has enough of a backbone to struggle on through life even when it hurts.

now, you want proof of some sort that christianity accepts cousin marriage? why? christianity is made up of humans. some will accept, some won't. but christianity is supposed to be about each person's relationship with Jesus Christ. and if He is for you, who can be against you? (romans 8:31 31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?). you've read the information here. you say you are a christian. do you have access to a bible? of course you do, you have access to the internet, and there are bibles all over the internet. so you have the information that you need. GOD accepts cousin marriage. nobody else's opinion matters. God doesn't make any distinctions between maternal lines or paternal lines. if He did, He'd have put it in the bible that you can only marry one but not the other. but until SHE is ready, there's no point in trying to persuade her parents of anything.

and as i see it, the problem you have is her reluctance. she's too scared to pursue this with you. maybe she won't always be, maybe one of these days she'll have the courage to follow her heart instead of clinging to some sort of traditional hangups on maternal vs paternal. if you kill yourself, you'll never know, will you? so i'm telling you again, if you haven't put the knife and pills down, this is the time to do it. you have no idea what you'll be missing out on if you decide to commit suicide.

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no.. no.. i never threatened her..!! shez some where else in my country... sorry if my post says that..(yeah.. i wrote like dat only.. sorry)!!  iam jus saying .. iam in a situation that i jus cant bear the pain..!!

and...  yeah .. i hd to leave everything,, once if she ignores me..!! but shez saying prove me in biblical words .. that god said .. you can marry your cousin.. ! and that too matrileneal..!!

so.. i jus want to prove her that everything was normal and this relationship is also not forbidden in bible.. and,,

do you guys think is there any matrilineal marriages in bible.. !!(yeah itz thier opinion on believing) but.. ??

i jus cant find in net.. saying matrilineal marriages are acceptable..in this country..

coming to genetics,,, science.. !!

nd i found a article differentiate b/w these.!!  http://hbdchick.wordpress.com/2011/03/09/all-cousins-are-not-created-equal/

plz hope you can understand... nd iam sorrry if i hurt u by mentioning you..!!

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i didn't say you threatened HER, you're threatening to take your own life.

man up. we all go through painful experiences in life. she deserves someone who is able to keep putting one foot forward. threatening to kill yourself because you just can't bear life without her is selfish.

you didn't hurt me by mentioning me, by the way... but you asked for my advice, so i'm giving it to you straight, like i would with anyone else. you have to be more mature than this... you're letting your emotions get in the way of living.

she can read the bible just like you can. you can show her all the scriptures we have provided here, but it's going to be up to her to get over her fear. be a man worthy of her doing that... which means put the knife and the pills away. if you kill yourself, you'll never know if she could have gotten past her fear.

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You want biblical proof?  Look at the Religion page on this site.  Off the top of my head:

Jacob married Rachel and Leah - both were his first cousins.  He was the father of the nation of Israel. (Genesis 19?)

Moses commanded a group of women to marry their cousin. (Numbers 36)

Most scholars believe that Mary and Joseph, the earthly parents of Jesus, were 1st cousins. 

Leviticus 18 lists prohibited sexual relationships. Cousin relationships are not listed.

No matter how well armed you are with scripture, some people will never be swayed to believe that cousin relationships/marriages, are just fine in the eyes of God. All you can do is speak the truth calmly and hope that you are heard. 

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yeah..  she too loves me.. want to be with me only.. but shez jus scared for what if god doesnt allow us to marry.. we may convince our families but.. what if almighty god doesnt. validate it...?? datz why she jus wants to go in a biblical way..  i hv shown all these to her when we are in relationship.. but jus she ignored everything saying..  i hd trust in you.. you jus make everybody understand this.. and prove everybody about this...

that time i jus ignored to prove her in biblical way.. cause i got a job.. nd.. moved to a new city.. nd.. got busy in life..  in that time.. shez doing graduation.. nd.. she alwayz keep saying i miss u.. come back.. but.. i alwayz tll her.. yeah.. i ll.. we hd lot more time in life.. im jus spending my life to make our life more comfortable.. !!

infact.. my collegues all are promted in job position .. but a small thought.. what am i going to do.. by doing all this.. to make our life good.. when there is no our's feeling in her..  datz why i left my job..  nd. sitting like a coward.. nd.. crying.. !!  i ll provide all the information that i gatherd in.. our forum..nd net.. bible..

everything that i can do.. nd give her time to.. think... after all.. i cant change her feared mind

by doing nything..  till den.. jus have to wait..

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oh.. thank you.. serendipty..

im jus asking.. about.. does god had said nything  differentiate b/w cross or parallel cousins.. ?? all i can find in bible.(as per my knwldge) most of the marriages written in bible are fbd 's..!!

and. u got any idea about mothers sister's daughter marriages in bible..??

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and.. i remember.. once i hd talked to my mother about cousin marriages.. jus in a general way.not by telling about me..

she too accepts that bible allowed such kind of marriages.. and she said.. even muslims marry thier cousins around us..

den i asked.. den why we cant marry cousins.. by knwing god accepts such a relationship..?

why it is seen as a sin.. when god himself listed. whoome u cant mary..??

den she replied.. datz all old testament.. jus to increase population.. or god promised thier children that he will make thier families .. (yeah.. something written there.. i dont remember)

nd also said.. now jesus came for us.. he died for all of our sins.. nd telling.. those all the crap you said is a sin.. thatz why jesus.. died for us..

i too took a stand saying that.. jesus never said not to obey laws or any which are given to moshey.. !!

i dont remember what happend that time.

nd..i jus finally giveup..on that issue..

now.. is there anything like dat.. that once jesus came all rules are chenged .. like dat..??

sorry.. i knw.. theres nothing like dat.. but..

there might be a chance that.. u are aware of some kind of thing.. !!??

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to my knowledge, there's no listing of cousin marriages from maternal cousins.... why? because lineage wasn't calculated through maternal lines. the mother's side of the family was irrelevant when it came to anything to do with marriage or inheritance.

and if God had considered maternal lines relevant when it came to marriage, he'd have been sure to include it in the list of "who not to marry" in leviticus.

sorry you had so much trust in me to be able to make other people understand. but seriously, i'm only human. if the bible itself doesn't convince them, i sure as heck can't. what you should probably do is to turn the burden of proof back on them. YOU can't prove to them what isn't there, because like i said, the mother's side never mattered in terms of marriage... or in anything that had to do with law. so you need to tell them to prove to you where God is against it.

and they won't be able to do that.

oh, and no, the new testament didn't change anything. Jesus came to fulfill the law, not to overturn or abolish it (matthew 5:17). the only "laws" that changed were those pertaining to sacrificial offerings... blood offerings of animals were no longer necessary because Jesus became the blood sacrifice. other "laws" that people like to claim change never pertained to anyone outside the jews to begin with (such as circumcision, and eating meat, etc... those only applied to the hebrews, never to gentiles.) those things that were done away with because Jesus fulfilled them were clearly laid out in the NT. there was never any change in what was defined as sexual  or marital sin. in the NT, the same things that were abominable and forbidden in leviticus were addressed again in the NT... adultery, fornication, homosexual relationships, etc.

no relationships there were allowed in leviticus were ever addressed in the NT... which means what was permitted in leviticus is still permitted.

but changing the minds of people who have spent their entire lives thinking otherwise is not something i can do. but it is something you can ask God to help do. even then, don't expect change overnight. it might take years.

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ya know, it occurs to me.... if you want to help them understand what the bible has to say, perhaps it's time you start studying it for yourself?

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